Extra Drama
[edit] I've removed some information (actually, a whole lot) from the post for privacy reasons [edit]
Mr. Kate and I have a few complications in our relationship that I haven't mentioned here, as they are not blended/step-family related. I didn't want to clog things up here with non-step stuff, but, at times, it bleeds over and its hard to give the whole picture without mentioning those things.
The first of these issues is that we are an interracial couple. Not that big of a deal, really, but I do feel like part of the reason that i don't feel as close to Mr. Kate's daughter (who is a good kid) is that its kind of a constant reminder of how I'm the thing that doesn't belong.
The bigger issue is that Mr. Kate and I are both recovering alcoholics, sober for two (me) and three (him) years.
...and thats why I was trying to just stick to the step-related issues here.
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I believe that Mr. Kate was
I believe that Mr. Kate was addicted to sex while he was still drinking. Womanizing was part of his old lifestyle, and he'll admit to that himself. I do see alcoholics and addicts trading addictions-usually, I notice, they smoke a whole lot more.
And no, I don't mean to say that Mr. Kate's daughter has a problem with my race-she's fine with me; if anything, I see it more than she does, which is not her problem at all...its my insecurities. Its Mr. Kate's mother, and a few of his 'friends' who have voiced opinions about it.
Lots of empathy from here. DH
Lots of empathy from here.
DH and I kicked the booze (with a few episodes of falling off the wagon when separated) 2 1/2 years ago. When we're together, we're fine. When we're not... I'm scared, personally, because DH is moving to TX this month, and we won't be living together until next July at the earliest. He'll be fine, I think; I'm the weak one.
SD14 was just fine with having visitation with DH when he was drinking; he kept it, if not under control, at least at a level that she didn't notice. He was happy to leave Nickelodean on for hours, or let her play video games non-stop. Once we stopped that and actually started parenting, we got the tantrum about "you CHANGED!!" Everything is better now, but it was certainly rough for a while.
H and I are also an
H and I are also an interracial couple. Kiddo is also interracial though, so the difference isnt so profound to me - People routinely assume that he is mine. Its more H's family - the cultural differences, many of his (and my) family members are either openly or closet racists. H is also a "recovering" alcoholic... I say it like that because he's not actually F*ing recovering much of sh*t. He is not smashed drunk every moment of every day anymore but he still drinks, he still falls back into the pattern, he can still be an ASS for no apparent reason what-so-ever. I understand the jackel/hyde, I understand the reprehensible things, I understand the being around other people like that, I understand it all except the struggle to be sober itself. All i can say is I am sorry, I am sorry for you, for me, for H and for Mr. Kate. I have also excused a lot of things because I love H and I understand that it is the alcohol, I understand that the jackel is not the hyde and so on... I would never put myself through this again, but I love H and I am glad I did because I truly think he would be dead or in prison or in a gutter if I did not love him... I also think that I would be some place not very nice had he not loved me. I understand the layers and layers of unseen deepness that no one else knows. And the resentment. And the bitterness. And how much you really have to love someone to support them through a recovery process (and how much you have to love yourself to truly survive it, intact, along with them). I dont have any advice to give you - I dont have advice for my self -all I can say is be strong, I am sorry, I feel for you, I understand, and follow your instints. -Much love and support-