I'm a upset BM.
I have a BS13, a BD1, SD14, and SD20. I'm 29. Yes, big age difference between me and DH. I don't mind it a bit..Actually perfer it this way.
Anyway, on to the upset part. My BS13's father lives across the country. He's in the military and has always been in and out of my BS's life. He's never a full time parent, has been two years in a roll without seeing or talking to BS. He decides when he wants to be a part of his life and I want him to be so I don't interfer. Stupid me.
My son worships the ground he walks on. Like he is God or something. He can do NO wrong. Everything he says is gold. And to top it off my son says stupid things to me like, well since you force me to live here, etc. His dad has totally convinced him within the past two years that I'm a awful mother. How dare I make him clean up his room. Or cut his hair (God forbid). How dare I yell at him for failing last year and goofing off already this year. How dare I take the TV and Playstation from his room, have I lost my mind? Afterall, I have no right to tell him anything, because his dad would never treat him this way.
In another post I wrote about what happened last night. He called his dad's GF baby. He can't even call me mommy when around his dad because that would show me love and that is not allowed. He has to act like he could care less and call me mom. Of course when he's not around his dad or on the phone with him it's all sugar drops and mommy.
The thing is, I would love to let him go live with his dad so he could see that it's not Disneyland there. I would give it six months and he'd be begging to come back home. But I can't. This man gets deployed all the time. He's constantly out in the field and in different countries for months, years at a time.
And I'm a jealous BM right now. I want to act stupid because I'm jealous that he called HER baby! How could that be?? How can SHE, not even the step mom yet, he's only seen her once for two weeks, how can he tell her how much he loves her and call her baby when all he does is give me a hard time and act like nothing I do is good enough.
I don't know what to do, I'm at my whits end. I know this is StepTalk, not BM talk! But I'm both so it counts! LOL
I can definatley see how some BM's feel right now. Though, I'm not going to go stupid, no matter how much I want to. I'm not going to let him know it affects me. I want him to have a good relationship with anyone in his fathers life. But "Baby"?????
Tell me the truth, am I acting like a jealous idiot?
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I would wonder
what the he** is going on that he is calling her "baby". Mom or mommy or whatever, but BABY sounds a little creepy to me. I don't think you are acting jealous. Concerned would be more like it. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully your son will get the chance to see what dad is like in everyday life, that may cure him and maybe he will realize all that you have done for him.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous~ It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body~
No...you are not!
I'm a Bio mom and step mom as well. My bio kids do live with there father, by my Ex & I mutual agreement...long story, in my other posts, but it works for us. About 2 years ago, my ex started dating this " woman" , she appeared on the scene in mid october, and was all moved in by thanks giving, trying so hard to play mommy to my kids, right in front of me , no less, and then by Christmas, was walking around all the time w/ one of those "screened t shirts" with my ex , her my kids, and her spawn of satan son on it....like a happy family......Gag! My ex kept telling me that they were going to be a family, but yet, would not marry her, and could not stand her son! (note: my ex is a bigot, and her son was half black.) He does have behavior problems, my kids did not like him much, but were supposed to accept K, as their parent!!! Any ways, I always held my cool, even through her under the wire digs at me , till one day , when she was having a melt down with my Ex, and was lashing out at me, I told her what I thought of her....she was/is a scumbag! My Ex got rid of her last year....he could not stand her either after awhile, My kids however still talk about her....now negativly! And here , I thought they liked her, and was enjoying the way she was being w/ them. Now I know they were appeasing their Dad, and her. It was forced on them. Now I know! My Ex is currently single, and has even apologized for SOME of it, but I stand in waiting for what the cat will drag in next.......and if their is a "next time", I will not be so quiet. I will not sink as low as alot of BM's and be irrational, but my kids are not going to be "forced" to be a mock family with some one els."~waiting on the world to change~"
Ha...I agree....sounds more like the little
boy has a crush to me... I wouldn't stand for him to be calling a "woman" baby. SM or not, he's only 13. We are the custodial parents of my SD16. Last Feb she was starting with all that bull crap about how BM was so much better, etc....blah blah blah. So we let her move in BM, that last 6 months. BUT after about 2 months, she was hinting that she wanted to come back home. We made her stay until school started.....turns out she had enough and ended up partically begging to come back home!
Many of us are BM's too
And I'm glad to see some posts looking at this side of things for a change.
A 13 year old calling his Dad's girlfriend baby is weird, and I think Sia is right about the school boy crush.
I have endured the whole backlash thing from my BS and BD for years, and now they are finally seeing who it was that was in their lives, loving them and making all the hard calls for them as they grew up.
Your son only has you to take his normal teenage angst out on. Its something we all have to go through when our childrens birth Fathers are Disney Dads.
When your son grows up a little more, he will appreciate what you have done for him. My kids are just starting to get there. Just.
been there
My BS16's father has never really been in his life either. BS spent one night with him thi summer and they tried to arrange another time when I was going to be away. BS had the choice to go with me or be with his BF and he chose me. BF was pissed to the teeth and sent me nasty text messages saying things like you are nobody, I hope our son comes to live with him, I gave you everything insurance and money wise, what you are going to do without child support... and on and on and on. It was just plain crazy. BF is out of town working most of the time and rarely speaks to his own mother much less his live in girlfriend and their son. BF could not recall the last time he asked to see our BS. It is unfortunate that BF is still mad after all these years, that I got pregnant and ruined his life.