Future Stepson..already rubbing me the wrong way!
I have 2 Girls and one on the way so I'm due next month.. So it's the first for me and my boyfriend we have been together for 8 years off and on. So his son is 12 years old and my boyfriend is trying to get full custody of his son but it's not set in stone, the mother of his son is not stable, can't keep a job and moves a lot she does verbally abuse not only his son but she has two other kids as well. So she let my boyfriend keep the child they have together .. Like who does that!! But honestly its for the best. Now every since my boyfriends son is in the picture permanently .. This child is so clingy to his dad, gets jealous of when I'm near his dad and he will act out wanting attention keep in mind me and my boyfriend don't live together and we love in different towns so spendin time with him is not a lot. So I'm irritated on how his son acts and I know he's being that way cause the baby is coming and feels he's gonna be left in the dark but he don't need to act out like that everytime my boyfriend corrects him he gets all upset and says"okay fine" and walks off pouting I'm like ugh!! My bf gets on to him but not too bad cus I can't even sleep with my boyfriend cus their he goes knocking on the door saying "dad I can't sleep without you" I'm like wow really he's 12!! He's such a baby!! He makes remakes about how the baby I'm gonna have is gonna ruin his life and pretends he's gonna punch my stomach and I told him whether he likes it or not then baby is coming and she's gonna get all the attention unknown that was mean but ugh! He's annoying! I can't even have a private convo with my man cus he wants to be nosey and when we tell him that he needs to leave the room he gets upset and when we are done he wants to know what the convo was about which we don't tell him but I'm like u don't need to know it's grown talk. I just don't know how to deal with this!?? Advice???
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Yes he pretends to play
Yes he pretends to play around like he's gonna hit my stomach saying "die" and that when I was like that was rude and told him that the baby is gonna get all the attention .. I wanted to slap him that spoiled little sissy boy!!
Hmm. My SS12 was Exactly that
Hmm. My SS12 was Exactly that way!!! Would lay all over Dadddyyyy. Omg!! I put up with it as best as I could for years. It was AWFUL!!! I do have some suggestions for you & I definately know how awful that can be to deal with!!!
My 'moniker' (my new one-been here at ST for years tho) says it exactly-- it is Very simply: a Game!!! The hard part is getting dear ole' Dadddyyyyy to understand that!!! Is it 'normal' for 12 yr old boys to want daddy dearest to sleep with them? To lay all over them? To very blatantly be jealous of their Dads Girlfriend/fiance'/wife? To wait outside bathrooms for Daddy to make sure he blocks Daddy from giving Anyone else even a split second of attention? To push the wife out of the way so hes always standing/sitting/walking beside Daddy? To throw 3 yr old tantrums when Daddy dares to have any semblence of a life outside of the Daddy/son/daughter relationship? To blatantly tell poor ole'Daddy all the possible guilt-trip stories of how f'd up poor widdle child-of-divorce's life is so as to ensure Daddy will feel like a true pos for 'ruining' their life?
The answer is: NO!!!!!!!! Look- Im a Total Advocate of Dads to spend true 1-on-1 time with the kiddos. Its important. But after 4 plus years of all of the above & ALOT more--- one day I had enough. I threw a Very impromptu 'family meeting' after my SS12 (yes!!! 12!!!!) got jealous that his Daddy sat beside his Wife for 2 minutes after not seeing each other for about 3 days-- the SS came over & literally got up on his Daddys lap like a 3 yr old!!!!! I had had Enough!!! Finally!!! I got up & took a picture of SS12 sitting on Daddyyys lap like a darn toddler. Seriously!! The kid beats me by atleast 3 inches or more so just imagine 'how' that picture looks of floppy tall dangly SS12 sitting sideways in Daddys Lap. Omg!!!!!
My (long winded...sorry) point is This::::
I straight up infront of my other 2 stepsons & my DD10 and Hubby FLAT OUT said to SS12: I Know 'why' you do this stuff & its gonna STOP tonite!!!! He flat out admitted that he does theses "games" to push me out of the way to get Daddy to himself. I gave him the rope & the kid flat out hung himself. All the Awful behaviours We had been putting up with for years??? A GAME!!!! & he told DH that!!! (Plus his brothers also was sick of it & called him out on it!!!!
Anyone wanna guess how long it took SS12 to knock off 99% of his creepy behaviours?? He has NEVER done ANY of it again!!!!!!!! Its been sooooo much better!! He has NOT once sat all over his dad, talked creepy baby talk again, could care less if DH & I sit by each other--- it ALL changed that night cause I called him on his shit!! & Daddy could NO longer makes his silly excuses!!!! Plus I know it sure helped that DH knew I was Very ready to leave him over alot of it!
I hope this helps someone out there going thru this!!!!!! Take your Life Back!!!! Best thing Ive Ever done. Dont put up with it!!!
Omgah!! Wow described his
Omgah!! Wow described his stepson to the "T" .. I want to something and I do call him out but it's gotten to the point that my boyfriend needs to do something he tells me I need to cut his son some slack cus what he's been thru with his mom and I'm like I understand that but he has no right acting like a infant and carrying on. That boy is not stupid he knows how to play the game cus he knows he is in a stable environment and knows that when he acts out he know that everyone will give him attention cus what he's been though.
Oh. I would also like to add
Oh. I would also like to add this: ask your Man & skid if there Friends act like this with their Dads. I bet you they cannot come up with ONE!!!
Also-- ask your Man this good hard question. In intact families-- would a Husband or Wife allow this? Again- NO they wouldnt
The truth is--- its the DADS Fault!!! Trust me, deep down they know its Not right!!! They just *think* you will allow it to continue!!!!! This way see-- they get to keep their kids Happy (cause they are sooooo guilt ridden) & they think that we will just keep allowing it. Maybe they (wrongly) think they like the attention of everyone vying for their affection. Uck
I'm sorry, I can't get past
I'm sorry, I can't get past the fact you're pregnant, with your BF's child and you've been in this on and off relationship for 8 years.
Seems to me, the 12 year old child isn't really the problem here. At what point have either of you provided him with any sort of stable environment?
And you wonder why he's acting out? Abandoned by this own mother. Now you've made a snarky comment about the new baby getting all of the attention. It seems this kid has had a rough life and neither your BF or you are making it any easier on him. He's troubled and 12.
Thank you foreverstacey. This
Thank you foreverstacey.
This is one of the stories on here that make me think it's time to dump this board. When I first got here, I tried to blame the skid as well. I had SEVERAL members speak up and let me know in no uncertain terms the adults in the relationship are the problem.
Yes....some kids/skids can behave like little turds. However it seems like the frustration and abuse towards these kids is getting worse rather than better.
It's making me sad.
I think what is bothering me
I think what is bothering me is the new members don't want to hear it, and other newer members just egg them on.
I know this is a venting site but at what point do we stop complaining about our circumstances, and try to change them?
Sorry.....I know I'm whining but I've been so troubled by some of the hate filled posts lately.
Sweet Pea...I think those
Sweet Pea...I think those ones are easy to puzzle out and avoid.
I am 32 years old and yes
I am 32 years old and yes that remark I made was immature. Yes we are not stable but who to say that we are trying to be stable I have my own house, car and good job. We are working on trying to be stable but when u bring a child in that has issues and idk how to deal with it, is it not the purpose of this site? I'm sure y'all have y'all's own issues and which I don't judge but here to give advise as well as some if you have by don't ASSume u know what's going on and pass judgement cus if stability there are some ppl out there that are stable and still have issues. As far as me this is all new to me and dealing with a 12 year old I see is difficult. So if you don't have anything constructive to say then maybe you should save typing and don't comment.
I appreciate that! Thanks!
I appreciate that! Thanks!
Thanks!! I am hanging in
Thanks!! I am hanging in there least trying to. I didn't know it was going to be so difficult but it's new to me. Comments like yours give me some light! Appreciate it and God Bless!!
I read this twice and I heard
I read this twice and I heard troll the first time and then the second I just heard blame the kid. I just don't get it I guess, in who has a baby by someone they are off and on again with and live in a different town? It just screams chaos and no responsibility. You can crucify me if you like, but it is what it is I guess. I am trying not to judge, but that poor boy! Really? Get pro help! Get someone who will visit at home! Get someone to come in and observe it all! They are usually free, if you need help to find someone please let me know I will do my best! You guys really need help in the home.
Exactly I'm not blaming him
Exactly I'm not blaming him just he shouldn't make rude comments cus he has been thru it rough with his mom. I told my bf that he's emotionally wrecked and advice to have him talk to someone but my bf seems to think he has it under control .. Can't tell men nothing these days cus too much pride. It's sucks that we love apart and he chose to live where he's at cus he loves that town but can't see the big picture as far as me I got my own house I bought. So only time will tell what will happen and im mist gonna leave it in Gods hands.
With all due respect....here
With all due respect....here is my two cents...
he pretended to "hurt" your baby because he has no one really parenting him. He is lacking love and self worth. So the very little parenting he gets he fears will no linger be there as the baby gets all the attention. Your words to him solidified that.
How you bf is to his son is how he will be to your child. Think about this.
If I understand, you two live in different towns? If so, nothing good is going to come from that and you have good chance of having a difficult half brother to your baby and a unstable child yourself.
again.....my two cents.
Even though its common for
Even though its common for full siblings not to be overjoyed when a new baby is on the way, it's still a situation that needs to be addressed. This boy has all sorts of issues. Consider counselling for him, or no, GET him some counselling to deal with his adjustment and abandonment issues.
If you really believe that he is going to be violent to you or the baby, don't allow him near your baby and don't be alone with him.
It's probably going to be best if you and you BF live in one house. See if that can be done. It takes away some of the uncertainty and will help your family situation- and it cuts costs.
Hmmm.... I smell a troll.
Hmmm....
I smell a troll. I'll answer anyway though.
I think you're naive and selfish to say those things to a child. BUT.......HE did say/do horrible things about your soon to be Biokid.
I HIGHLY suggest counselling for the kid. He feels abandoned by his mother, and now another child is on the way and he has a rather tenuous connection to his Father, and this new woman he barely knows is dictating things in his life....YOU are the source of all his problems...or so he thinks.
Therapist time, STAT.
Wow your bf has talent, you
Wow your bf has talent, you can't sleep with him but he got you pregnant. If this is true, then I think that your bf is using you and that HE is the problem here. I feel bad for the 12 year old, I hear only him being blamed for his parents having issues. Just my 2 cents.
Live apart until skid is over
Live apart until skid is over 16 or 17. The kid has been put through the ringer and is going to make you and DH's life miserable.