ur post was honest and i dont think you'll find any of us here who will beat u down for starting out in that situation. ur rite, we cant help who we love. and bottom line, that was DHs choice too and it does NOT give BM the rite to make YOUR life a living hell.

welcome aboard!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Welcome my friend - no judgement!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

hopefully no one here judges anyone else. At least I dont. I hope you will find support here and not criticism.

I haven't even introduced myself yet (too scared as well), but I had to comment. You are definitely not alone. My current marriage began in a similar fashion. It was the most difficult "best" thing I ever did for myself. Of course there were many many (throw about a million more "many's" in there!!) consequences. At some point I will intro as well and then maybe you won't feel like such a loner. Until then, take care...and don't be too hard on yourself.

We all got here in different ways but none the less we're all here now just trying to make it work. I think that probably in most cases people don't actually leave a bad marriage for another person... another person might have reminded them what they really want from a partner but ultimately you leave a bad marriage because it's bad. In my case that other person even happened to be an acquaintance of my husband so I know how it feels to have your life sound like an oh-so-tawdry situation when really it's just how life works out sometimes.

Welcome!

Guilt. It's a mighty powerful thing. But you know what? So is forgiveness. Go ahead and forgive yourself.

BM has no right to 'reign terror' in your home regardless of the wrongs that were done to her. Two wrongs don't make a right and if making her ex-husband's life miserable is making her feel better than you should quit feeling bad. I think after two years, the score should be even anyways. So I suggest you stop thinking that you 'deserve' any mistreatment by this woman...

I'm glad you found love no matter how it was served up.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I too am glad you found each other - life is too short to not do what you feel you must. It sounds like you have paid, so please don't feel that you need to continue to pay the rest of your life! Things happen, and that's that. Welcome!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

You'll love it here,Even though i had good friends,co-workers,and family NOBODY I knew was a step mom, This is a great place for advice,venting,and learning by what other people go threw.
You won't be judged, I don't care really how people meet, we're here just to figure out how to run a peaceful home,somtimes I write sometimes I just read, sometimes I laugh and somtimes I cry.what ever mood your in that day, this place helps.

It was the greatest heartbreak of my life. I met DH a year and a half after that relationship ended, and he was amazing in his understanding of my need to completely trust us before committing to him and SD. At the time I was as enamored with SD as I was with DH. But sadly now I am only enamored with DH as SD has become exactly as crazy as her mom.

Part of my healing from that former heartbreak also came from a most unforeseeable force.

SD's BM.

Because she is such an unbelievably crazy BM to deal with that I have often of how fortunate I am not to have ended up with the man from the affair. Like you describe yourself, it would be far more difficult dealing with the craziness and chaos from a woman I felt I contributed to hurting. As it stands with DH, I had nothing to do with that breakup. I am guilt free so to speak. Of course I have thought about Karma now and then, but no. I don't feel badly about the affair any longer. I think my ex having to choose to stay with his wife saved their marriage. And I also learned more about selfless giving, about always coming from a place of love from that relationship. And DH has benefited dearly from those lessons.

But everyone here is right, she may have a right to not ever be your friend or his, but she must find a way to become civil and not take out her revenge on you two through the kids. Unfortunately, she likely feels she has the right to, and so do many judgmental people who will likely side with her.

But she doesn't.

You know, I never understood why some women want someone who isn't in love with them, just because they feel an entitlement through obligation.

I have a higher standard myself. Love for me must be reciprocal. Nothing less.

You know, if I could go back to before my affair, I wouldn't change a thing....not the pain, the passion, the self discovery, spiritual awakening that resulted from that heartbreak.
And I am very happy to have ended up with DH in something much more peaceful, mutually nurtured, uncomplicated (well our relationship is anyway!) and free of guilt, deception, etc.

BUT....

If you made it to the other side, you must keep making it through for those of us who didn't. There was a time I would have given anything to be where you are. Hang in there. You made it to the other side of that impossible mountain. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

Most of these ladies who have posted to you, have been my saving grace...full of advice and full of kindness. Sometimes there will be advice given that you don't want to hear..some you need to hear, but regardless, we all are trying to get thru some type of stage of being a stepmom and are here for each other supportively. Congrats for posting. Hope to become friends.

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

Welcome to the site. I'm pretty new too and in the same position you are. It's a relief to know that no matter how we got here, we all pretty much share the same experiences. You are not alone.

for about 20 years, a few of those spent with him cheating on my mom with another woman, he ended up divorcing my mom and marrying this woman, he never introduced this woman to his kids, he had a kid with her, and went back with my mom (cheating on the new wife) which is SWEET

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

I know it must've been hard for you to post honestly..and I give you respect for knowing that BM has a right to feel hurt,etc..but that doesn't change the experiences you are going thru as far as being a SM and dealing with BM are the same as alot of the women on here.

Welcome

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

The group who responded to her originally were pretty welcoming, but I am not sure if she's still even reading anymore.

SA? Are ya still here?

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?" ~Hamlet Act III scene I