Well BM came back to the state about a week ago. She has the 2 boys (5, 6) for the second half of the holidays. Because of her inability to get along with and control the 6 yr old, all of her visits this year have been shortened for him. Typically on a weekend visit he will go to her house midday on a Saturday and return 24 hours later. She is able to tolerate the younger one because he thinks she's the greatest and poops 24k gold! Well, the divorce is FINALLY done - hip hip hooray! Our plan was to drop off the SS5 today on the way to FH's work and then Wednesday for SS6. This would allow for a shorter visit for them both and the chances for him coming home early (i.e. ruining our NYE) would be averted. Since the divorce is now finalized, she made a stink about wanting full visits now and to approach any changes as far in advance as possible.

So FH drops off boys this morning and the first thing she asks is, "Can you pick him up on Thursday?" WTH!!!! I know she is doing this to ruin our alone time on NYE. But what really ircks me is that she demanded to have the full visits with him now and refused the arrangement we offered about dropping him off later in the week. FH and I have been wrapping our brains and not quite agreeing on what to do during these instances. I strongly feel that the son and BM should learn to be together, develop a relationship, and spend time together. We have discussed that when making date nights when the kids are with her to have a back-up babysitter in place for times when she wants to cut visits short. That I can understand. But this is different, IMO, to completely change what she wanted and DEMANDED from us. When FH called and told me what she said, I was quiet. I didn't know if I should stand up for myself and tell him my opinion, don't say anything, or text him how I felt. I didn't shy away this time from expressing my feelings - something I have done a lot. So I told him, it would be really nice if we could have a night alone together for New Years Eve...that's just my opinion. All he said was, well...ok. Then we hung up. I don't want to put him in the middle of choosing between us; however, I want boundaries established. Yes, I know that if we had our own kids together we would have to hire a sitter. I just can't let go of the fact that we offered to bring him later in the week to avoid this though. I want SS to know he can come home and be with us whenever he wants, but it's the whole boundaries thing again.

Some advice from my mom was, you knew coming into the picture that he had kids; how do you think he feels; you have to have a back-up plan and hire a sitter like normal couples with children do; enjoy these few days and nights alone with him and let that be enough...made me cry because she's right! I still can't let go of BM's demands of having him the whole time though and changing at the last minute JUST to ruin NYE for us. I'm afraid that if I don't keep my boundaries now, it'll continue to be crossed and she'll be able to do this all the time. Part of me wants to act like a child, be passive and ignore him all NYE night if SS comes home - just to be angry. But is that really healthy for us? Is it even fun for me? What else can I say to FH about this?