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pissed off

schrob01's picture

Submitted by schrob01 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 10:02am

I'm so thankful that I have all of you to come to and vent to. I'm really mad because my husband, since he went to "mommy's" house, hasn't paid his part of the rent. My marriage is a sham! If he had been really committed to me we would've merged our money when we first got married. He didn't want to do that because he thought that I was a gold digger. I know that's what he thought. And a lot of his mail, bank account info, bills, etc. still goes to his mother's house. So what if he's the one out of the hundred men who show up for marriage counseling. it's as if he's been setting us up for disaster from the beginning. I'm mad! because i was raised in church to believe that if you didn't put your finances together, then you're not really together. I've been thinking about it for months. At first it hurt me, but then when I thought about it, i thought, if that's how he wants it then fine. I make more money than he does anyway. Now, lately, he's been thinking about putting our money together. I don't want to anymore. Oh and I'm not supposed to share with anyone what is going on in my marriage or in counseling & I understand the reasons why, but you guys are my only sanity! Being able to come here and dump everything is a releif!!!He's a butthole!
My daugher asked me to try to get her into where I work last night. Finally! I have been praying that she would have a desire to come work with me! She says she wants to work where I work and stay here for a long time like I have & work her way up. Thank you God!!! She also said she wants to do it in case BH (butthole)decides not to stick around, she can help me out! So, i called a friend of mine today to find out if he can get her in. Please pray everyone! She needs this job regardless of what happens between me and BH! So.. this is back-up plan A.
Back-up plan B, is to ask a young single mother at church, who needs help, if she wants to move into my house & pay less rent to me, than she would at her apartment. i'm certain that she'd go for it. I know her & her mother pretty well.
Back-up plan C - rent the extra room out to someone else.
Back-up plan D - have daughter go to work & rent the room out. Either way... i come out ontop & I don't have to move! yea!!!

Comments

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 10:07am

my husbands family thought I was the golddigger. I told him he can shove his money....we share nothing together because I'd rather be independent and know i can survive without his $$.

I like your back-up plans...it's so comforting to have a plan! I like plan b and plan d. good luck dahling!

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 10:13am

I've shared my money in my first marriage, and chosen to keep it separate in my second marriage. That's just my personal opinion, and I totally see where you're coming from because I've done both... but I like having my own independence, and I don't like reporting back to anyone with regards to how much money I've spent and where. The difference however is that we do have one joint account for holidays, home reno's etc... and we have the bills split... he is responsible for his, I for mine... (these are household expenses which we both incur). I suppose if he didn't pay his portion of the bills, I'd be quite peeved off also, but so far that has not been an issue. How long has he moved back in with his mother? He still has a responsiblity to your household...but if he's choosing not too, then I would follow through with one of your plans for sure!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 3:08pm

I'm sorry you're having such a lousy time right now. I think being a step-mother is the most demeaning job in the world and when your H doesn't support you (emotionally/mentally).....well...it's sucks that much more. As for the separate accounts, count your blessings that he insisted on it now! Smile I'm not into the church or prayers, so is it okay if I just send a ton of good thoughts your way? I hope things work out for you!!

I'm with HeatherM about the checking accounts. This is my second marriage and my exH screwed me but good on money. So I always told myself if I ever remarried I would keep my money separate.

DH wanted to combine our finances into a joint account. I vetoed that right at the beginning, because I knew I would resent every extra penny he gave to step-demon out of my hard earned cash. I said that if we combined our finances, then I would expect him to clear every cent spent on the little demon with me prior to it going into her greedy little hands (I didn't word it this way, I'm more diplomatic with him when discussing step-demon than I am here :)). He didn't like that at all, he felt he shouldn't have to clear money through me when it comes to his kid. I said, that's exactly my point. It's your kid, and your financial responsibility and not mine. Hence....separate accounts.

So we agreed on a joint account for mortgage and combined expenses (utilities, groceries, etc.). Otherwise my money is my own. We are keeping our finances separate until he is no longer paying any kind of CS. At that point I would agree to combine only if he agrees to NOT give any handouts to step-demon without my consent. If he doesn't agree, then we will continue on with separate accounts. I have no children and there is no way in hell that evil turd is getting her hands on what I worked hard to earn.

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine