Car seat question
Can't really say that I'm surprised, just appalled that BM is fighting so fiercely over this issue of telling DH that he'll either switch weekends or let her pick SS up early on Saturday (weekend visitation is 6pm Friday to 6 pm Sunday), or else he will "lose" that weekend. As if SS is a "game" for her to always "win" against DH!! But now she is trying to pull a new trick out of her sleeve, saying that if we do not use a car seat for him, even if we "call the cops" to get her to let SS go with us, she says she "can promise that they won't make [her] release him if [you] don't have the proper child restraints".
Now I don't know if she's talking about if we have to take the public buses, which many young children ride.....and will the police really give us a hard time about having to take SS on the bus? He's 5 years old now and in kindergarten, and all the kids sit in unbelted seats on those, without boosters. I know that it is recommended to have children in booster seats until they are 8 years old or 80 pounds, but I admit we have not done this with our older children. They never ride in the front seat though, and they are always buckled in. So when my FIL or BIL takes us anywhere, we don't have a booster seat for them. Is it true that we cannot take SS anywhere without a booster seat?
The hypocritical part of this (as usual) is that BM wanted DH to pick SS up for last Easter (back before transportation for visits was clarified), saying that she "didn't have" his car seat. And she lectured DH about the issue then too. But then she sent an email admitting that she was going to bring SS, even though she still didn't have his car seat at the time. So DH said that if she wanted to raise this issue in front of the authorities, that he will have the emails to say that she transported SS without a car seat before.
So do we need to buy a booster seat just for him?
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Sosmomof6…You deserve an
Sosmomof6…You deserve an award for the CRAP you put up with! I’ve never seen children on a bus with car seats. They don’t even have seat belts on school busses and I believe (I could be wrong) that is part of the reason that the seat backs are so high. I believe this is just another ploy of hers to exert her “force” against you and your husband. Make some phone calls…maybe call your local RTA (that is what they call it here, Rapid Transit Authority) and ask them their policy regard this…or call the sheriff’s office before you go.
Nise is correct
my father just retired from being a school bus driver, and the DOT will not mandate seatbelts for school buses anytime soon. There isn't a school bus out there that has seatbelts for regular school aged children. That is different than children with special needs and disabilities, but for those who are not classified as special needs, there are no school buses with seatbelts, nor public transportation. It's a total empty threat.
Fyi, bm cannot dictate beyond the court order for visitations. Just b/c you may not want to switch weekends, doesn't mean she is authorized to withhold a child from the father to punish the father. In fact, if she states that is her reasoning behind denying visitaitons, a judge will really come down hard on her. Point blank, you dh should have court order visiations that dictate the time and place for him to pick up his son. If he uses public transportation, no booster seat is needed, just show up to pick up child, and if she refuses to let the child leave with you. You call your attorney immediately, leave a message, and let them know you are standing at her front door waiting to pick up a child you are being denied access to. If found in contempt for denying visitations, bm will have to pay for your attorneys' fees and court costs, plus you get a makeup weekend.
If you pick the child up in your own vehicle, or a vehicle, you do need a booster seat in most states. My state in particular just passed a law requiring it. Check your state to see if it is a requirement. My state just passed the law recently.
Candice
Oh Geeze
This woman is an idiot. Listen, My SS8 hasn't been in a booster since he has been living with us and we got him when he was 5. I offered, but he looked at me like I was crazy. I've been pulled over countless times w/o SS in a carseat/booster.
But you know what? Boosters are like 20 bucks at wal-mart. Go get anyway, just to rub it in her face that she cannot stop visitation for some childish control issues!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
BM's an idiot
The car seat is not the issue. She's just trying to make trouble. Don't even worry about it. Bottom line she can't dictate visitation. Even if he never paid child support she would still have to give him his scheduled visitation. I'm not suggesting that he not pay. please. But don't get on her diversions about car seats. Do keep the emails and document everything. Keeping a journal with times and dates can often be used in court too. just an fyi. She is stealing your peace and you don't have to let her do that.
First she tried to play the
First she tried to play the guilt-trip card, saying that by having SS visit on scheduled weekend that we would be "forcing him to miss an opportunity to socialize". Then she assumes that DH won't be able to take SS to the party or parties, so she won't give any information about them. Now she is saying that if we try to pick him up she will inform the authorities that he won't be "safe".
I don't know right now if we will have to take the bus or if my FIL will be using his car. When I tried to check about the laws, basically all it tells me is that a booster is needed if the child doesn't pass the "5 step test", with points such as 'Do the child's knees bend at the edge of the seat'(they do), ' Does the child sit with their back against the seat?' (yes), and 'is the lap band resting snugly on their upper thigh, not belly, and the cross belt resting against shoulder, not the neck?' (FIL has an adjuster, so yes)
DH is paying through wage garnishment, so that's not an issue anymore (or shouldn't be, anyway). But the last hearing we had, where DH had proof of her denying and lessening visitation, it was ruled that she wouldn't be found in contempt. She batted her eyes and claimed that the only reason SS wasn't visiting as he should was because of the transportation not being specified, and the attorney didn't give anything a second thought.....even though DH had emails that showed she would yell that she would pick SS up when she planned to, no matter what the papers said. The attorney dismissed the emails saying that they couldn't be used. It was so frustrating to file for the hearing and feel like BM has free reign to do whatever she wants, but DH's rights don't really matter.
First of all, seat belt
First of all, seat belt "adjusters" are not safe. They are not regulated in the same way carseats are. Why do you have a problem keeping you stepchild safe in the car, esp. when car crashes are the number one cause of death in children?
Why not do some research on child passenger safety so you can see that see actually has a valid point, instead of refusing to listen because of some twisted control issues and just keep the child safe?
You keep your name private, keep your nasty comments private too
Although this wasn’t directed at me…I don’t take kindly to Anonymous people coming in with silly attack like comments. Maybe you need to re-read the post and then speak intelligently!
Make a GREAT Day!
Who said I had a problem?
I do see that BM has a valid point, I did research it, and I don't know why you get the idea that I "refuse" to listen. I was just pointing out that BM was being hypocritical on this issue when she also has transported the child without a booster. The problem is that right now we do not have a booster on hand, and I don't see anyone using them on the public buses....I'm not even sure they can be placed in the seats, as there's no belts to hold it in place. That's all I was saying, and I don't appreciate the judgements you made.
There is an addition to this issue in the blog I'm going to post
If it is such a big concern
If it is such a big concern for BM why does she only bring it up when it suits her purpose, of denying Dad of his visitation. First excuse was the friend's bday party, then the child safety seat issue. If she has allowed your ss to go with you before, without concern, then it is obvious she is using this to get her way. It is obvious that BM is the one with the twisted control issues.
Anonymous posters...
Creep me out...Lurking Bm's on the loose, thats what I think they are.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Your BM is obviously playing
Your BM is obviously playing this card in a very hypocritical fashion. I would resent the power play too.
To offer a slightly different perspective (and I'm signing my name
) --
Be careful, though. If visitation/custody issues ever get nasty, mediators and courts will pay particular attention to health/safety issues. Sometimes it's easier just to follow the rules to the letter than to argue about whether someone else did it too, esp. when something as heartbreaking as child visitation/custody is at stake.
After losing a loved one in a car accident, I am a freak about car safety. My poor SD just got out of her car seat and into a booster seat, and she's almost 8 (and in Cal., its 6 years or 60 pounds). She's under 60 (57) pounds, and I go by weight instead of age because I think it's the most logical. She finally got tall enough that I agreed (this weekend) to put her in a booster instead of the full car seat. The key is whether the car restraints (which are designed for adults) will work properly given the individual child's weight and height. Just my paranoid two cents.
Good luck with your obviously difficult and hypocritical BM. Very typical, even for non-wacko BMs. I think this sort of holier-than-thou power play is inherent in the BM position, unless you are lucky enough to get a very enlightened one. In which case, you may not be posting much on this site
P.S. I am *not* the anonymous poster above.