Meanest Step-Mom Ever
Well first of all SD had two toned hair, I think she sprayed only her ponytail with Sun-In...Her hair was bleached from the sun but her roots were very dark, so I got her some hair dye and now it's one color...problem solved.
We're going out to dinner with extended family for my husband's bday. My SD14 brought nothing but sweats, cutoffs, and scroungy tshirts. when I asked her to put on something nice she asked if she could wear sweats. I said no and made her at least put on shorts. She's wearing an old tshirt with it and has nothing better. I told her she could at least put on some eyeliner or lip gloss and try to do something with her appearance. She stomped off and said I was mean.
I told her I'm sorry if I hurt her feeling but if she's going to complain all the time about how her brother is popular and no one ever talks to her, she's going to have to quit looking like she just rolled out of bed and exhibiting body language that says don't talk to me.
I explained that what people see is all they have to judge whether to approach you or not. Her chipped up polish and dirty flipflops don't say come talk to me.
She's beautiful but works against herself and always looks depressed and frumpy. I can't understand why she wants to make herself into a wallflower and then cry whoa is me.
I'm not all hung up on looks or anything else, but I think you should try to look your best. I told her that I live everyday with the thought that I'm going to be graceful and beautiful today...I usually spill something on myself or trip over my own feet, but at least I try.
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Comments
Sounds like a bit of
Sounds like a bit of depression and low self-esteem issues. I was the same way at 14+. I felt stupid if I fixed my hair or put on something. Wanting to be liked and talked to is different than actually DOING it. It's uncomfortable, awkward, even scary. She also sabotages herself, but then feels bad about it, even if she is making it worse by the sabotage. Been there, done that. I wore frumpy man T-shirts rather than fitted and baggy jeans and old shoes every day. Hair stringy straight or thrown in a ponytail. No makeup. She is negatively validating her perceptions and her low self-esteem by looking like that and you telling her its not good/needs to clean up, then tada you're mean and she is right.
Being physically pretty to others and feeling "basic acceptable human appearance level" is two completely different things. She is grooming to look like she sees herself, perhaps, subconsciously.
I hope you can help her grow to feel more confident in herself. I struggled with low self-esteem and depression most of my life and only started getting better in my late 20s. I still wrestle with it to this day, but not nearly as severely as the teen years.
Remember, depressed and frumpy can be situational or clinical depression. I would look into that.
The crazy thing is that at
The crazy thing is that at her BMs she dresses nice and acts much better. It hink she does it for attention.