We're doing it. Dropping Health Ins on adult skids. Help me feel better!!
ss22 and ss24 haven't spoken, acknowledged us or responded to any text or invitation to see us or gma since they packed up their christmas loot and ran away to be mamma's boys... 9mo or so.
Youngest ss is 22 in a few weeks and we're dropping health insurance on his 22nd bday - it's a life event, the co required coverage til age 22. technically it required *BM* to cover all kids to age 22 but she dropped all coverage on all kids 60 days after div was final 12 years ago and we never went after her for contempt and never even changed cs basis (would have saved us $200 a month...)
I feel a little good because we're just doing it without any worry about those assholes, not chasing them to make sure they have other coverage, not asking bm about her coverage, nothing...
but I also feel a little bad because what if one of them gets really sick and has no coverage? I know it's not our problem and it's bummer for them etc etc but man... I feel like we should make sure they're covered but they've not given us the time of day for nearly a year, they went to court to sit with bm and stare down dh on fathers day weekend... the second we try to open a dialog they'll just be little dicks to us again and go off panting to mamma for a pet pet about how they ignored us and didn't that show her they love her more ************blech!
plus bm would prob use it to try to move her request for alimony extension along.
sigh.
maybe we'll just keep paying for the little pricks... fuckers.
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You're human. It's expected
You're human. It's expected you would worry about them.
BM still gets alimony after 12 years? I know nothing about divorce so just wondering.
In addition to the email, I'd
In addition to the email, I'd send a certified letter.
I know there was one poster here maybe a year or more ago whose adult ss was not informed by his father that ss had been dropped from insurance. SS got into an accident, and then sued dad for having dropped coverage and won.
Courts like paper trails.
She gets alimony until she
She gets alimony until she starts to collect his pension, which is next month. However she says it's not going to be enough to live on and has petitioned the court to extend her hefty monthly alimony payment IN ADDITION to collecting hald his pension.
The past 12 years she's collected nearly $1M in alimony, cs, income, 401k, savings - including money she stole and cheated dh and her kids and her family out of, she's had zero debt because the marital debt she was assigned, she simply didn't pay, then she filed bankruptcy so dh was stuck with it in addition to his own portion. She didn't do one thing responsible to prepare for her income adjustment next month... she's known for 12 years it would go to just pension in october 2013. she blew a ton of money on crap and playing victim and super momma.
so if something happened to one of the boys, we'd pay for it, not her. i'm sure she has nothing to show for her pathetic self.
I was afraid of that. Sorry I
I was afraid of that. Sorry I asked you to recount all that, It's got to be painful to talk about.
no big deal. it's not painful
no big deal. it's not painful to us anymore. for us, it's simply over. a nusance to deal with, but no more than shooing away a fly. a big fat ungly stupid fly ... but just a fly
I care about the kids but .. whatcha gonna do. they are adults and they chose fly-mom.
DH and I are good, honest, and too generous. We've been taken advantage of and crapped on for years. we have finaly decided we're done with that together. i hate that dh has no relationship with his kids but he finaly stopped chasing them too. we're very close to my girls and will spend the rest of our lives with OUR family. We've actually never been happier and we have other grandchildren on te way. what's not to love!
I understand worrying
I understand worrying but....they are grown, and neither MAN (they are no longer boys) is actively maintaining a relationship with their father or his side of the family, so......I personally would drop the insurance and send an email. If you drop it then they should receive some kind of notice, send an email, then it's up to them or MaMa to pick it up, at least they are aware.
My lovely SDs have had verrrrrrry limited contact with DH, myself, or any of the adults in DH's family for 2 years now. There was a ton of little stuff then one catalyst that set off a chain reaction to where we are now. They call/text their teenage cousins, but they don't want to answer for their actions and behavior to anyone else so they only call on Christmas, Father's Day, etc.
Our feelings are this; Being a member of a family is a privledge, there are responsibilities as well as rewards...relationships are 2-way. You have to give to recieve. If your SS's are unwilling to work at being a member of the family, not trying to maintain a relationship, then they do not get the 'reward', in this specific situation that being the insurance.
Right, just drop it and send
Right, just drop it and send the email. They'll get a notice about options for continuing insurance, and then it's on them. Your DH met his obligation (and the BM's obligation too). If they blow off options for continuing coverage, that's not your fault nor your problem.
I'm sure this whole thing is and has been painful. You and your DH take care of each other, not hateful adults who do not speak to you.
in a month or so Obama care
in a month or so Obama care will kick in and they can get their own insurance, I've been preparing DD for this as well and she still has 2 years before she has to get her own insurance or state insurance whatever she qualifies for. They can do the same.
I would send them a
I would send them a registered letter (just to make sure they receive it) and inform them that effective of xx date they are both no longer covered by their fathers medical coverage.
There will be fall out for certain. Accusations will fly. However harden yourselves and remind them that they are responsible for their actions and behaviours.
To Luckymomme: Trust your
To Luckymomme: Trust your instincts. Maybe if you call HR yourself they'll tell you. People get dropped all the time, especially after they get divorced. But I'm not an expert on this. Have him show you the policy from HR that says this. Ask him for a contact number for HR so you can verify this, because well, this is something that doesn't make any sense. Watch his reaction, if he overreacts and protests, then he's probably lying.
I mean, I've never even heard of a company that requires an employee to even cover their minor children. Maybe the kids are covered under the other spouse's insurance. So, again, trust your instincts. Why would a company do that, it costs them money.
His HR can't require anything
His HR can't require anything but proof of a life event that allows the change now vs when his enrollment period begins again. SO if the empoyee wants to change his coverage without a life event birth, adoption of child, spouse lost job, marriage, court order expires (such is our case when ss turns 22) then usually they have to wait til the next round of renewal. usually once a year.
tog I hear ya. we never went
tog I hear ya. we never went after her for it because we'd been down the crazy judges road several times through the bankruptcy she filed and basically gave up on it... they sided with poor old fat ugly and stupid mamma on EVERYTHING... seriously they ALLOWED her to open a closed account, sign dh name, take out $5000, then file bankruptcy on the debt and dh had to pay for it. court said it was a bankruptcy issue. b court said it was too small to dick with.
OH, Fat momma can't get the kids back home for DH Christmas visit when she took them three states away on friday instead of dropping them at dads on friday AS COURT ORDERED??? she cant bring them til TUESDAY which is 3 days after christmas with his ...family judge says she must not have had enough money for gas.... (SERIOUSLY she got over $4000/mo in cs and alimony.)
She dropped ins, she kept dh personal property she was ordered to hand over, never did, we went to court again, complled to hand over stuff, never did... how many times ya gonna do that?
we had horrible attornies and dh finally just sucked it up and said eff this, i'll just be a good dad to my kids and not drag this all through the courts... karma will hit her in the face with a chair someday.... yeah we all know where that gets ya when the little fuckers turn 21... sigh