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HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE AND IT IS MY FAULT!!!

Rosedeer1's picture

Submitted by Rosedeer1 on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 12:50pm

well what is wrong with me, we won and she only gets my SS wed. and EOW but now she wants to change this wed. to tues. because there is an event at the school and it is on wed and she only gets him 4-7 on wed so BM asked my DH if she could take her son on tues. she she does not have to share her 3 hours at a school event. I understand her wanting to spend all 3 hours with him and not at school but I do not care, I hate her, my DH is sooooo nice that he said no problem she will get SS on tues instead of wed. but I do not see it that way I see her getting to see him on Tues. and wed at the school event and thurs. because he has a doctor appt. So why do I care we won I should be happy and understand I would not want the only 3 hours I see my son to be at school and then he is with us Wed and at the dentist on thurs, which i have no idea if I should go to the dentist appt. my SS wants me to and he is covered under my insurance and they are doing rootcanals to a 4 year old so I should be there to support my DH and to piss off the ex because she feels I should NOT be there. But guess what I love that little boy too. So why cant I get passed my DH being a nice guy and switching wed for tues. it is not my DHs fault that the school thing is on wed and she will see him 2 nights in a row. It is her son, why do I care if she sees him, so what if she sucks at being a mom and I had to have her arrested twice, I need to get over it and let it happen, my DH loves my we have placement of my SS so Mom must be mad,right? Then why am i not happy with that, I think it is because every time she asks my DH for something he is ok with it, he has no problem switching nights he understands her wanting to spend a full 3 hours with him, why cant I relax, I need to or my marriage will be over!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!

Comments

sweetthing's picture

Submitted by sweetthing on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:03pm

need root canals? I think it bothers you so much because you hurt so much for what she has put this poor little boy through. Some how you have to find away to get past this so that your marriage isn't over. I know you love both your husband & SS very much.

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:07pm

I think you are over thinking it. You WON!! BM only gets to see him on a limited basis and have most control. The switch is just for a week, there won't be a school event every week. Maybe you should have your H run any changes by you first. My H does and it squashes any possible arguements before they start.

Tell him, any changes you want to have talk about before he oks with BM. You are team, he should consult you.

If I were you I would be jumping up and down everyday. Not only did you win and show her, but you also get to be the primary caretaker of an amazing little boy. Don't sweat the small stuff.

imagr8tma's picture

Submitted by imagr8tma on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:08pm

Why does a 4 year old need root canals....... What the hell has she been doing as a mom.

I understand why you are mad. Because he continues to be nice to her and she is a piece of crap.

I would be mad as well. But you guys won and the litle boy does not have to live with her full time anymore.

Try to get past that anger for his sake. He will need you now more than ever since he is under your roof.

tlw's picture

Submitted by tlw (not verified) on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:14pm

As far as the root canals go, we had a similar situation with my four year old SS. It was a general lack of communication between the parents that allowed the teeth in his mouth to literally decay. No one's fault exactly, but definitely an indication of there being a greater problem. If the parents can't even talk enough to figure out a system for the child's hygiene, what will happen when bigger problems happen in the future? Also, I totally understand your frustration. My partner's ex always changes the schedule whenever she feels like it and my partner not only goes along with it but doesn't even ask her WHY. It's frustrating (for me anyway) because it feels like what she wants is the priority, which is why he is so accomadating. I don't really have any advice to give, but I totally understand your situation and can relate to your frustration.

livingontheedge's picture

Submitted by livingontheedge on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 2:44pm

I will admit I am pretty new to this site so I dont know your whole story, Rosedeer. However, I have dealt with this from both sides. However, I am usually the one just saying "ok". My boyfriend thinks I give in alot to my ex husband; however, I usually only give in when I feel it is in the best interest of my son.

Rosedeer1's picture

Submitted by Rosedeer1 on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 2:49pm

Exactly I do feel like she takes priority over me but when I think about it I know she doesnt. I feel like I am goig crazy and all of you are right we did win and I should relax it is only going to be every now and then things have to change, I mean how many times will there be school event and root canals. My SS loves me so much he tells me that everyday and hugs me and kisses me and rubs his face on mine because he loves me so much. I just hate when she sees him any extra she lost. For example I told my DH I would take of thurs. and fri. for my SS appt. he is having root canals on thurs. he can not go to school on fri. I teach so I get paid time off my DH does not, he told me he would see what BM is doing, I said no I can watch him, we won placement not her we do not need her help or give her something more for court, she appealed the decision I do not need to hear that my DH could not take the day off work so she did, I guess worring is never over, I just do not want to give her any amo for court, so I would rather my SS be here and I will watch him BM can pick him up here next Fri. at 4 because it is her weekend, that is how i feel!!!

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 10:07pm

want to figure out arrangements for SS on your own. BM should just have EOW and the Wed (same arrangement we have). SS is now your and Hs primary concern so it is right of you to say that you will stay home with you, I think. BM should be the very last option.

It is contradicting in court for you guys to say "we should have in full time, she is not fit to care for him" and then ask her a week after you are awarded custody for her to care for him. I totally understand your point there.

2Bloved's picture

Submitted by 2Bloved on Tue, 02/24/2009 - 4:47pm

I took SD5 to get her baby root canal in November. She just had a cavity that was not noticed. We took them to the dentist first in October for a routine exam, and they told us this. The other two had no cavities. They just gave her laughing gas. This is not covered by insurance, so we paid $40 out of pocket. They drilled into the tooth, and gave her a silver cap. She loves it. She was a trooper. She really really was. Never made a peep.

But I don't understand why he can't go to school the next day. She went. She was numb for a few hours, and when the stuff wore off, she got that tingly chin. But she was fine the next day. She was fine that afternoon. We went out for lunch, she had soup. We went shopping, walked around. I took the whole day off just in case she didn't feel good, but we actually had a great time.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 7:28pm

this is how I feel.

BM and I hate eachother with a passion. She is rude and disrespectful to me, so when BF is nice to her it annoys the hell out of me. I know he needs to be for the sake of the skids but I hate the fact that she can treat me like garabge and he is still nice to her.

Whenever my skids BM wants something like a change of days I hate it as well. Why should we accomodate her cause when the shoe is on the other foot she says go to hell.
But BF always reminds me that it's still the skids mother and they still love her and want to see her. Why?? Who Knows :?.

I don't know if your situation is similar but this is why I feel as you do.

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 10:10pm

when BM calls to switch things up (like every weekend last summer) my H consults me first but we always do it. I don't want to say no just to be b**ch so I agree with H if we don't have anything planned. But every time we want to switch BM says she will get back with us, then 2 wks later she has SD tell us no. Nice really nice of her.

Rosedeer1's picture

Submitted by Rosedeer1 on Fri, 02/20/2009 - 8:03am

Well I am feeling better after reading you comments, I appreciate them more than you all will ever know. I went out last night and guess who was out, yep my SS BM and she hated the fact that I was there, I almost left but decided that I should not leave because she shows up, so I stayed a few hours later her and her friend left, she did not move from the bar stool she and her friend just stared at me with every move I made, which was a lot of moves because I am very social, I stayed in the other room playing pool until my cousin wanted to play shuffle board which I have never played but to my surprise I have a hidden talent!!! So I made my way around the bar saying hi to people I went to school with or people I did not know because it kills her that I can be social, so told my DH before she hates the fact that he found me because I am everything she wanted to be, a special education teacher and I can talk, she is very shy in social situations except when she is threatening to kill me and breaking orders of protection. I have had her arrested twice so I know why she hates me and I so badly wanted to say to her last night, does it kill you to know that I am raising your son!!! However I am better than that and I did not say that, I just went on having a great time, but what are the odds that I will run into her, however it does happen more than I would like. I did talk about her a bit to the people in the bar and I should not have done that, because if it gets back to her then she knows she gets to me and she wins, my friends tell me the best revenge is living well and loving the hell out of my DH and SS!!!! Keep the advice coming, PLEASE!!!!

sarahbernheart's picture

Submitted by sarahbernheart on Fri, 02/20/2009 - 8:54am

I think it is awesome that you stayed and had a good time, and so what you gossiped next time you wont or maybe do it less, you are so much more than she is..
keep up the good work.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."