hello all this is my 1st time here. I just need a place to vent and get some support. By background, somewhat long,but I will try to cram it all in. Was best friends w/ DH sister for over 12 yrs. Went to all the family functions and such. Remember when both SDs, 8 & 10 (oldest is 26) were born. Never gave Dh a second glance since he was married to old bitchy(hope I can say that)and I was single or had boyfriends during that time period. Fast forward to about 2006 or so, when we were all at the rose garden in our town having my best friends wedding rehercal, she was getting married the next month, and the big scandel was he had left old bitchy for good. Fast forward to dec 2007 when i was with my friend at another one of her brothers' home and dh was there. he asked me out and at the time i was like ok, not thinking it anything would come of it. our 1st date was Jan 1, 2008 and we have been together ever since. We were married Dec 23, 2008.
As much as I love my dh, had I known what hell I would be subjecting myself to I would have never married him, shoot i would never have dated him either. When we met, I had no childern, had plenty of money in the bank, a good job, nice car and a nice townhouse I a desirable part of town. was able to travel and do as I pleased. Today I have a bigger home in a town much further away from where I used to live, I am just about depleted all my saving (thank you lawyers), and to top it off I cant seem to get pregnant no matter how many drugs the drs give me. We have a good life overall, the only problem is his ex---
When we met he was not seeing his kids, so like alot of single women i took him aside to ask him what the problem was. short version she was keeping them from him. ofcoures I, as a single person, knew alot of women having baby daddy issues and I told him that he was probaby the problem, pissing her off and she was angry. all he needed to do was be there for the girls, be consistant in the visitation and eventually she would come around. BOY WAS I EVER WRONG! That woman, and her oldest daughter still didnt want him having the least bit of inteaction w/ them. he would call on tuesdays and say ok i will be at the spot for pickup on saturday. ofcouse she was like nope sorry have plans. this went on for weeks on end. it was hit or miss with her. then one day,actually mother day weekend, i had to go out of town for a funeral and when i returned my dh told me that old bitchy has now refused to give him visitation. she didnt'come out and say he molested the girls but that is what she implied. moslest may be the wrong term but the situation was the girls were taken to the park in my old neighborhood by their dad. they needed to go to the bathroom and he took them, letting them go in by themselves, at the time they were like 5 and 6. Well dh has a weak bladder and had to go to. now the bathrooms at the park were the single use and huge. the park was very busy and he thougth ok, i cannot leave them outside the door i will bring them in and stand them facing the door while i quickly use the stall. When it seemed reasonable enought to me but since i didnt have kids i was like wait let me check w/ others at the job. I asked every women ane they all said he did the right thing. Well, time to get a lawyer. That was a big help overall but also a big expense. old bithchy ofcourese, never once brougt up that she thought he was being innaproprate w/ the girls. she just fought tooth and nail not to let him have any sort of visitation. Fast forward we have them each week. 2 of the weeks it is from thurs-sun. opposite weeks are thurs overnight. From what I can gather from things they say and their overall appearace, she does the bare mimimum.
I am so sick of her i dont know what to do. this is the set up: school started about 2 week ago and sd8 has missed turning in homework assignments. dh only found out because he volunteers and saw the empty spaces in the teacher grade book and asked her about it. Dh brought her home and had her do her homework. As punishment he took her cell phone for 1 week, provided the teacher gives him a positive report. Well her school the parent is supposed to inital the homework calander. both girls have similar calandars. sd10 calendar had bm initial but they looked forged, wed slot had sd27 initials and thurs was for dh to fill in. monday was the holiday. on sd8's calander it was sd27 initial on tue & wed. I asked sd8 why didnt mother sign. she gave me the i am not supposed to tell face. so i asked her again and told her not to lie. now i was non threating just wanted to know. she told me that sd27 was watching them because bm was out of town on business. What! now the kick, in that is dh and bm have been going to court mandated counciling for almost 6 months and he has been asking for extra time w/ the kids. So he asked for 2 hrs after school on Tuesay,since he would be volunteering anyway, so he could go over homework w/ them. she said no, they had plans. funny thing though babysitter picks them up from school and sd27 signs them out at 6:30pm. Now we find out that she was not even in town but would rather have sd26, who by the way totally sides w/ bm and has no relationship w/ dad, than to allow dh to have them for the week. well he emailed her a to the point email about next time could she please ask him if he would like to watch them and her response was they were looking forward to spending time w/ big sister. what, really! she is a constant in their lives, how special could it have been. well guess she woke up or had a cup of coffee and came to her senses cause a few hours later she has one of her meltdown emails accusing me of interogating her daughter and we obviously are trying to be in her business. she is such the victim have her tell it. anyway trying to reason w/her sent out response expaining the chain of events and what is really going on. ofcoures she responds back--standing by the fact that i was interrigation her daughter and that she was soo very upset (sd8). Well I know how she operates and what really happened is she lit into sd8 about divulging to the enemy her personal business. What a peach. i feel really bad cause I know she is going to try to use this as an excuse for him not to get joint custody or even more time w/sds. I don't want to mess it up for him. i just pray that this co parent counciler ultimately sees her for the all talk and no action heffa she really is. if the report comes back good then we have a shot.