Now I know teenagers act like they should have everything and they know everything but this is ridiculous.

SD13 has been stealing DD18's clothes since we moved in 3 years ago. Of the 10 or so times DD has caught her or thought her things were missing because of SD only twice has DH acknowledged that is how DD's things were gone. Once was because there was a photo of her on her FB (taken at her bedroom at her mom's) in a shirt that DD bought in another state at an event and the second time was just a couple weeks ago. Every other time DH's reaction has been 1/well, I don't think she'd really do that 2/they don't even wear the same size (they do) 3/your DD's room is so messy it'd probably in there and she just can't find it or 4/I didn't see her do it so I don't have proof and we're not going to act on an assumption, she's a good kid.

So, a couple weeks ago SD13 gets here from her mom's (they have 50% custody with once a week exchanges) and DD says "mom, I think she's wearing my jeans, but I can't tell for sure so I don't want to say anything". Sigh, ok. The next day DD comes out of SD's room with the jeans and a pair of shoes and says "yep, they were the jeans, I've started putting an orange dot in the pockets of my pants with Sharpee to see if my things are in her room/laundry since stepdaddy doesn't believe it could be happening and look here" "oh, BTW, there was a button missing on them and a new one has been sewn on so she'd had them at her mom's for awhile". Fuck.

SD gets home from school, Dh confronts her. SD lies and lies and lies. Says they were in a give away pile so she took them from the garage, not from DD's room (not true - these were expensive jeans, DD was planning on trying to sell them, not donate them). And then goes on about why was anyone in her room it's her room and no one else belongs in there. Well honey, you're the only person in this house who can't respect other's belongings, they then have the right to go look for them. The whole time he was talking to her she was as sassy as could be, full of lies and backtalk. I finally said a few things (I'm mostly disengaged but when they start fucking with my daughter's things she works so hard for mama bear intervenes) reminding her that all she would have to do is ask DD if she could borrow something and she may be allowed to do so (she has never tried that) but if the answer was no she would have to accept it and maybe she could try mentioning to us when she wants something (she pretty much only tells her mom when she wants/needs something or makes her godmother take her shopping). I also said that if she asked us for something and felt the wait was too long she could always go to her mom for it (yeah, could be considered out of line but this is the first time I've said anything like that and she really is in need of a reality check).

A couple weeks before that she had asked us for an iPhone and I actually didn't think it was the worst idea - she already had a smartphone. We told her she would need to improve on a couple things then we'd talk about it some more. Apparently we were not quick enough for her. She ended up breaking her old phone and getting her mother to switch carriers so she'd buy her the iPhone. I told her that was a pretty shitty thing to do since we were in discussion to get it for her. Her response "well, I didn't know when you would". She actually expects INSTANT gratification. She did not understand why this was a problem.

Last week, she had been giving my husband grief over every little thing. He ended up taking her phone away. She was talking to him like she is his wife and correcting anything he would say and just being sassy in general. He tells me that he's already told her she will not have her cel phone for the time she's here next week because he thinks she needs to work on her attitude and engage with the family and think about what she's been doing. Her response "yeah, that won't work, don't bother taking my phone away". She really thinks she has some input as to what her punishment is or what kind of attitude we should expect from her. DH went into her room a couple days ago to look for something of SS's and he found a note "see anything you like in here "dad"? (yes, dad was in quotation marks". On that note it also said there were 4 more hidden. One said she hated him, one said he had no right to be in her room and she has every right to say that. I told him to take her door off the hinges. She has no right to privacy in my mind at this point until she can start being respectful and decent. We'll see if he goes through with it.

Has anyone else had to deal with anything like this?