Usually you thank a person for a gift, right?
So after a ton of drama, which I keep promising to blog about but it just depresses me to really get down and do it, SD14 (well, 14 in a couple days) is living with her mom and seeing DH and I EOW instead of 50/50 like their agreement says. We still have SS10 week on/week off and she comes over the same weekend we have her brother.
SD14's birthday is this week and we don't have her until Friday. I thought she would like to have a gift from us to know we were thinking about her before then so I had one shipped to her mom's house. It arrived today. I know this not because I got any form of acknowledgement from her but because I checked the UPS shipping tracker.
I've gotten not one word from her in any form. No text. No phone call. No email. I know the girl is self centered but Jesus. I really expected a little something. On the other hand I guess I should have expected just this. I was just so hopeful she would have been nice. Sigh.
DD18 just pointed out to be that while I had good intentions in sending her gift to BM's house (kids like getting mail, I wanted her to know we're thinking about her on her bday, she spends most of her time there and it's easier to have her stuff at the house she spends more time at than to cart it back and forth) she and BM will probably spin this as "see PBM doesn't want me at Daddy's house!!"
I just can't win with this kid.
One good thing has come out of this whole mess. SS10 has started acting like a totally normal kid since his sister has been out of our house for the most part. It's been really nice!
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in my experience,skids have
in my experience,skids have not had the first iota of social skills or manners. from gift my parent purchased to all i've done and given - not one thank you.
I do all the birthday and
I do all the birthday and Christmas shopping here, not ever had a thank you from either skid, they ALWAYS make a point of thanking their dad. Even the gifts from my dd's they never get a thanks.
Oh well.
MINE are raised better and say thank you.
SDstb13 even scribbled out my name on her last birthday card and replaced it with "mum" so now it reads "lots of love Dad and mum"
Her birthday was last July, the card has sat on her bookshelf since then, the changes were only made about 3 weeks ago. Snotty little so-and-so.
How rude!!! SS10 says thank
How rude!!!
SS10 says thank you. I had to drill it into his head but he does it now, doesn't need the reminder even
DD18 is pretty considerate and knows her p's and q's. SS14 is a princess and all must go her way.
I also do the vast majority of the gift buying in our house. From this point on, if DH doesn't think to buy her anything she's not getting anything. I'm not buying anyone anything purely out of obligation.
It's just so weird to me that
It's just so weird to me that 2 kids, raised by the same people, initially their mother and father, and now both parents are remarried and in stable relationships and have been for the same length of time, can behave so differently!
SD is flat out rude! Everything is all about her and if she is not getting her way she can be a total bitch. And she does get gifts from her dad, it's very obvious what comes from "us", what comes from him, and what comes from me (and they are usually marked that way) and she is so ungrateful when she gets something but so entitled at the same time. I told her, well all the kids actually, around Christmas that I was pretty close to not buying gifts for Christmas because 1/we're not religious so we're not celebrating for that reason and 2/their attitudes towards me and their dad didn't really make me want to go out and buy them stuff out of obligation. My kid didn't really care one way or another. SS10 listened, understood, and got his shit together. SD14 threw a toddler like fit. She was really upset because she wanted presents. I told her that was pretty much why I didn't feel like buying them. She didn't understand the spirit of the holiday. It's all about "I want this!!! I want it NOW!!!"
SS10 has his moments but he's basically a mellow kid. He's a little bit shy but he's really coming out of his shell (finally!). If you do something for him or give something to him he says thank you. He's kind to our animals (which his sister is not when she's on one of her rampages) so even when he was not totally warm to me I had some hope for him. He accepts that I am not their mother so I'm not going to act exactly like their mother which is what SD has such an issue with.
I honestly, truly and deeply
I honestly, truly and deeply recommend that you disengage from buying ANYTHING for your SD. I make this recommendation from my experience just last week. Here's what happened:
Backstory: for Christmas, I did all of the shopping for all 3 of my step-kids plus my own 2 bios. DH doesn't like to shop and I do. We split the cost 50/50 and I spent exactly the same amount on all 5 kids. Two of my step kids (twins age nine) and my own 2 bios were so happy with their gifts, appreciative and AWESOME. Tons of thank yous to both me and DH, tons of hugs and smiles all around. Oldest SD (then age eleven) was a puss-faced nightmare. Apparently I didn't buy the correct pair of $200 UGG boots for her - so she exchanged them. Not one thank you. Not one smile. Later that day my parents came over and gave all 5 kids gifts - same story. SD11 was so rude it was embarrassing.
I vowed in my mind then that I would no longer purchase gifts for SD11. Well, guess who had her 12th birthday last week?
I never brought up a gift to DH - so he did it on his own. He bought her ticket to a concert she was going to with friends ($100) and then gave her an additional $40 in cash. On the day of her party, he asked me if I wanted to sign the card - lol! I said, "sure if you want". Did I give him any money though? Nope.
Well, the concert was Wednesday night. He let her miss school Thursday since she got home so late lol. I said NOTHING. She slept until noon. Last night when we had dinner, she sulked into the kitchen and talked to no one as usual. DH was all "how was the concert?!?! what was your favorite song?!?!" - grumpy one word answers from SD.
So basically he spent $140 on her AND let her miss school to get... a SHITTY attitude. No thanks. Did I say anything to him about this? Nope.
But if I had spent a DIME on her gift I would have been sooooo resentful. If DH wants to spend his hard earned money on an entitled brat - have at it. But me? I'm done and it feels WONDERFUL. You should try it!