It's war again with BM
There is not enough time in the world to explain BM & just how much of a loser she is. We have constant issues with her & DH & I both think her parenting is more than questionable. To save argument we don't contact BM about her parenting unless we feel it's a major issue or important.
DH texted BM as BM continually sends SD to school on Fridays (we share 50/50 custody with collection day being Friday's from after school care) wearing the wrong uniform. It has been EVERY time we pick up SD for the last 3 months. They are meant to wear the sports uniform on Friday's. It sounds petty but what then happens is we send her back the next Friday in a sports uniform & then we have no sports uniforms. We pay for EVERYTHING for SD's schooling, including buying uniforms which are not cheap. SD attends a private school (& that will be changing for next year as BM is crying poor & refusing to pay anything towards schooling yet again) so they really are expensive. We are tired of having to buy more uniforms because BM can't dress her daughter properly. I also have the issue that SD dresses herself at our place & she is 9 which I think is more than appropriate to be dressing yourself & she is capable when doing it here. SD doesn't forget to wear her sports uniform on Tuesdays & Fridays whilst with us. Therefore I'm cross at SD as well as she would know when BM dresses her that it's the wrong uniform too! Especially after we have told SD many, many times that she should pay attention when Mum dresses her & to make sure it's the right uniform - not to mention that we've told SD she should dress herself at BM's as she's more than old enough! It also means SD misses out on the sports activities on that day if she is not in the right uniform & that's not good, especially for so many times!
The text to BM was short & sweet just asking for BM to make sure SD is dressed in sports uniform when she comes back Friday, nothing offensive, rude or anything. We recieve a barrage of abuse! Wtf? I don't believe that BM is seriously pathetic enough to forget its sports uniform day so many times in a row! I'm sure she does it to score uniforms as she won't buy any. I don't think it's too much to just ask that BM have some responsibility & dress her daughter in the correct uniform!
The abuse starts about how SD 'hates' coming to our place & that's she's terrified of DH & how SD begs BM not to come here blah, blah, blah. Now firstly if your daughter was so upset & 'terrified' of visiting her Dad, would you just say nothing & continue to send her?? Secondly we know SD hates that we have rules here & none at BM's & STILL likes coming here (unfortunately lol). We treat her very well & there is no issue I'm sure of that. I know SD hates being told off by DH but she's in no way terrified of him, she will climb on the side of his couch seat & hug him, grabs his hand when we go out & is not uncomfortable at all. Anyway the shit keeps coming, text after text. Total crap that really makes no sense.
DH gets fed up & probably not the best idea but decides to bite back. I don't really blame him, the crap she was sending was irking me up too! So BM gets from DH the truth that hurts!
BM palms SD off when she has SD, there is barely a school night she is not sent to someone else or looked after by someone else & the weekend she has her is either spent with a friend of BM's & them both getting drunk & shopping or BM lies to SD that she has to work & goes out somewhere. DH & I presumed she was lying about working but didn't say anything to SD but SD has woken up to it & said she doesn't believe BM is working by what she leaves the house in & how late she returns & often drunk.
SD is always upset how BM promises her everything & delivers nothing.
BM plays loud music on school nights keeping SD awake.
SD has seen on 4 occasions this year that we know of, BM having 'naked cuddles & kisses' all over the house & all with different men. BM is on a dating site & uses a profile picture with SD in it - we have made her take that off as its a definite welcome sign to peodofiles! That took ALOT to get it down!
BM lies to SD about why DH & her broke up.
BM tells SD not to trust me & basically tries to make her not like me.
There is a lot more but basically her stupid lying rant was shut down by DH's truths that BM thought we knew nothing about! Although she denies it all she knows it's true & what she's saying is lies!
DH is now receiving texts, desperate texts trying to pin anything she can on him & trying to make him upset that SD hates him. It's SO pathetic & all because she was asked to make sure SD comes back to our place in a sports uniform! We let it go for 3 months!!!
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Is it possible to talk to the
Is it possible to talk to the teacher, explain the situation, and have a sports outfit at school in case BM doesn't dress her in one? And then she could change out of it before she leaves so it doesn't go home with BM?
That's actually a great idea!
That's actually a great idea!
Problem being that SD would forget & loose her own head if it weren't attached. She wouldn't get changed or she'd loose it but I think it's worth a try! Thanks!!
Wow I could have written
Wow I could have written that. Except add 4 more SDs! Same deal with private school. Same deal with Fri pickups from school and same deal with wrong or no uniforms on Fridays (our school has out of uniform days every other Friday). OUrs go back to BM on Mondays after school though. So it seems like EVERY week we are buying at LEAST 1 uniform. Sometimes more. It gets expensive! WE used to have a stash of several sizes here, but eventually they all ended up getting worn on Mondays and home to BM. We have asked the older Sgirls (17 and 14) to see that they come back, but they too are PASed like yours and have been lied to about the breakup and such. And BM also text relentlessly day after day utter crap that is embelished from the Skids and just pure made up stuff because she is EVIL.
I love love love Dee Dees idea of leaving one at school. That would so work for you. For us not so much.
Just know there is someone out there in your exact situation
Thank you for understanding!
Thank you for understanding! It seems a little petty with the uniforms but it's really not. I can't understand why BM's have to go out of their way to be difficult especially when it's at the detriment of the child! I am so sure it's deliberate. I'm sorry you have to deal with the same kind of crap & with not just one but four SD's! It's infuriating at times & it's not like we are a bottomless pit of money to be buying uniforms whilst they collect up over at BM's! Why should we have to anyway?!
It's crazy how alike it seems our situations & evil BM's are. At least I know I'm not alone!! Not that I feel better that someone experiences the same crap that we do! It's been 5 years now & I thought it would all get old & ease off a bit but unfortunately not. Can't wait to see what bs BM installs in SD in her teen years! BM has already created a master liar out of SD & is in the process of creating a total mini me of herself. It's awful to watch & there's really nothing we can do. We try though!!
Im going to suggest to DH the uniform at school idea but I still think we will end up loosing as SD can put it on when she comes from BM's dressed in the wrong uniform, wear it back to our house but then we still have the problem of her wearing one on the Friday she goes back to BM's that one will stay there. SD is not really organized enough to get changed before being collected either she just wouldn't do it. BM picks her up from school too not after school care & as they are expected to wear the sports uniform for the entire duration of the school day she wouldn't have an opportunity to change. Still we can try it all out, it's worth a try.
Try underwear and socks. I
Try underwear and socks. I replaced every sock and underwear in bms house. Yeah its petty, but we didn't have the money and in a 6 mo period spent more money on underwear for NC skids then I did on C Bios.
I would work with the teacher.....or make her wear what she wore over the following Friday.
I agree with underwear &
I agree with underwear & socks too! Particularly as the school is SO strict uniform wise that you HAVE to buy the school socks from the school. They charge something outrageous like $8 a pair & if you dare to try & match the colour with a pair from a shop & not the school they send home nasty letters!! It's insane. BM must've trained SD to take stuff from our place to hers as we bought SD a lot of new underwear & threw out the old, when SD left & went back to BM's I was putting a pair away & there was NO underwear in the drawer. She had taken it all with her. We had just bought it two days before! Needless to say, as petty as it seems, we made her bring it back from BM's!!
We were originally just sending her back in what she wore on the Friday from BM's but felt that SD was really missing out on sports & it wasn't fair for her. That's only after 3 months of playing BM's stupid game. The school was bound to contact us soon enough too. DH told me he's spoken to the teacher before & the teacher basically said that it's not that uncommon & that there are a few kids who turn up to school in the wrong attire & say it's because Mummy or Daddy didn't want the uniform to go back to either side. Shd just shrugged it off & indicated she wasn't really in for supporting DH with assistance. We will be moving her school next year so I guess we can look at a serious approach then.