Should I feel bad?
I haven't posted anything for a while but I need opinions...
I have a bio son who is 15mths & SD9. We have 50/50 custody of SD. During the holidays SD goes to vacation care & always has before & after the birth of my son. I haven't returned to work yet & people seem to be asking a lot 'Oh are you back at work' when they hear that SD goes to vacation care implying that as im not back at work that its my duty to have SD. I don't see why as a step parent that I should automatically HAVE to look after SD for weeks on end whilst DH works over 12 hour days. I'm not fond of SD to say the least & I would hate to do it although I would if I absolutely had to.
My question is... Should I feel bad? SD actually likes vacation care & has a lot if fun there & loves going. She doesn't complain at having to go.
I will just add that BM (who is an evil horrid person) has complained in the past that SHE is SD's mother & not me so I make every effort to ensure that both BM & SD know that I 100% agree with that. I am not SD's mother & have no desire whatsoever to be or even parent her. I care for her, I look after her well & help out (a lot!) with things like homework etc but I make it clear BM is Mum & I'm not. SD likes me a lot & was beginning IMO to confuse the boundary of SM & BM. It doesn't help that BM is a terrible parent so SD does look to me for a bit if mothering.
- Not_Having_Fun's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SIL is always asking it & she
SIL is always asking it & she knows well & truly that I'm not at work so it's completely obvious why she's really asking (she is also pretty nasty & loves to cause trouble). I also seem to get it a lot from friends but I guess when I think about it they are not step parents. My own mother has questioned why SD goes to vacation care whilst I'm at home.
Just recently SD came back from BM's asking why she goes to vacation care (despite the fact she truly does love it & has been going for years so has a great relationship with the ladies there). I think there's a bit of feeding going on from the other end also. SD wasn't complaining just asking & in a manner that was worded a little too 'adult' for me to think she was asking purely from her own interest. A whole other story there as there is constant feeding & trouble from BM's side.
Thanks dtzy! It's so true for
Thanks dtzy! It's so true for me that SIL thinks she knows best for OUR family. SD goes in the morning but comes home at normal school time each day so it's not like she is sent away for weeks! DH hasn't spoken to SIL for roughly 2 years & I'm somehow the middle man which I don't particuarly like but do so that SD can still see her cousins. I won't tolerate SIL meddling though & may take your stance in telling her to mind her own business & live her family not mine if she continues! It's not the only SD opinion she has.
It's also so true that forcing someone to do something only makes things strained & causes a bad situation. I'm not wanting to feel any worse than I do about SD, I'm tying very hard to overcome my dislike for her & for me to look after her simply as society feels its something I should do would only cause more resentment & dislike. Im totally over the guilt trips & already do things simply out if guilt which isn't a good thing for the long run.
Thank you!
Hahaha! Pound sand! I love
Hahaha! Pound sand! I love it!
Thanks Foxie & a brilliant response for me to SD. Pretty similar to what I did say so thanks, I feel I'm on the right track!
It is probably best for SD as she gets booooorrrreeeddd at home despite the 50 bazillion toys she has & has much more fun at v.c.
I think you, dh, bm and most
I think you, dh, bm and most importantly sd are fond of the current arrangement so that is what matters. If you can mentally tune her out when she talks about this by thinking about something you like, I think that'd help you a lot.
Thanks Anon. I agree that if
Thanks Anon. I agree that if everyone is happy - especially SD then what's important.
I'm not sure that BM has input into our decisions either so if BM didn't like it then that's too bad.