Disengagement - a continuous process
So awhile back, before I found this site, I decided I needed to take a step back from "helping" SO parent SD12. After finding this site, I now know it's disengagement. Something I should have been doing from the very beginning. I was delusional in thinking that I was "helping" instead of actually doing the hard parenting stuff.
In the beginning he asked me to help him parent her because BM wasn't exactly stable and he wanted SO to be more like me. I was actually naive enough to fall for it. So when I disengaged, I felt SO MUCH BETTER! Not to mention, SO noticed that SD was going back to her old ways and he actually had to step in and step up.
However, I find myself slipping sometimes. Anyone else have this problem?
I have been in a funk the last couple days (there was a death in the family) but it felt like something more. SO had SD12 over the weekend and on Sunday some friends were over at SO's house. We were eating dinner and SD12 was eating like a pig! (pet peeve of mine) SO had been drinking and not doing much better. I was so annoyed and disgusted. Finally, I told SD that I caught her twice eating like a pig and if I caught her one more time I would take it away. Why didn't I just leave? I regret not leaving now because I didn't want to make a big deal in front of SO's friends. They were guys, so more then likely I just ended up looking like a harpy. Must remember to DIS-ENGAGE! ...and stay that way.
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Comments
I wish SD would hole up in
I wish SD would hole up in her room }:) I have to literally stay locked in my bedroom or she is up my butt 24/7. Normally it might be ok but she is either rambling on and on about crap I don't care about. Or trying to tell me how to do whatever it is I am doing. I guess at 14 she is the know it all expert on how to do anything. It drives me insane!!!
agreed! it is very difficult
agreed! it is very difficult for me, I have real trouble with the meal time and manners as well, sometimes I feel like I bite my tongue so hard it might bleed. My DH hates that I disengage and says I hate his kids, well I have finally come to the conclusion he can think what he wants because it is the only way for me to stay sane. my skids are ss11 and sd4, he wants me to be engaged because then I will do things with sd4 and he can do boy stuff with ss11. no way. they are not my kids. when he has parenting time I think HE needs to do things with them, and if he cannot figure out a way to do it together then he should have them on opposite weekends. I have thrown in the towel completely.