Follow up to miss the party
SD (Mother of birthday child) asked DH if he would like to go out to lunch today so that he could see the grandchildren. Of course that would mean that he would be paying as always. He suggested that SD and her children come to our house and he will prepare lunch. She agreed so now he is out buying kid friendly food and birthday gifts. My guess is that he will also buy a birthday cake.
DH said last night that we always did separate birthdays with the skids and he will stand firm on not going to these little birthday parties at the home of SD's with BM and her family.
I saw that he did block her on his phone. It seems that when he got his new phone he lost his blocked numbers that weren't in his contacts.
Also noted that I don't think BM's DH was at the party.
i do think that DH is really struggling with all of this because oldest step daughter questioned if he was angry with her and did he plan to never talk to her again and he responded "I would never stop talking to you, I don't want to lose a child because of my stupidity, you guys are all I have in this world, I love you so much."
I know how much he loves all of them and I encourage his relationship with skids and grandskids. But that comment that they are all that he has in this world crushed me.
I am going to continue my day as I normally would and if I am here, I'm here and if I'm not, I'm not.
- No Name's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I too would have been crushed
I too would have been crushed. Did you ask him why he said that to SD? How hurtful.
Reply to Kes
I did not ask him why he said that.
When you get married to someone
With a X and chrildren. You know something is going to happen. He not going to abandon his and GK . It's always turns out worst then we think. BUT ...BUT.., still talking to BM. that would be a big no. He can deal with his kids as he likes. BUT...BUT..BM woukd neve come into my home, He would never go to lunch with BM.
This would end the marriage. You should of nipped this in the beginning. When I first was going out with my DW. she took the kids to See. BF and said she didn't hang around -[ what I didn't believe, of course] I told her I was unhappy with that. Next week same thing. I sad I would leave her if she continued. I ment it. Problem solved.
Reply to Harry
I guess that I was trying to be the bigger person. I have always wanted him to have a good relationship with his children and grandchildren so when the skids initiated these restaurant get togethers, I absolutely hated it but kept silent. You see I didn't want to be the one to blame if he couldn't see his children and grandkids. I trusted him that he had no interest in his ex. I hated that they were manipulating him. Here we are same game years later however this time it really does sound like he is putting his foot down as far as BM is concerned.
Did i read correctly that he
Did i read correctly that he blocked BM? If so, congrats! As for telling SD that she is "all he has in this world." Hmmm. I would ask him what he means by that. Does he feel guilty if she thinks he cares about anyone but her? That might mean he still harbors guilt or a feeling that he "should" devote his entire life to them.
Reply to Rumplestillskin
Yes, he has blocked BM for the second time. He didn't realize that she was no longer blocked when he got his new phone.
I know that he has guilt that his marriage didn't work out. He feels quilty that he was a weekend Dad. I don't know what else he may feel guilty about but he went above and beyond for his children.
BM has been telling them who knows what for all of these years. The skids seem to have forgotten what all DH has done for them and has all of this concern for BM's well being.
Skids talk a good game telling DH that they love him but it's their way or the highway..
I think that he did feel that he needed to devote his entire life to them because recently he said something to the effect that he was going to start doing what makes him happy.
Time for daddy to tell them not to let the doorknob hit them in
Time for daddy to tell them not to let the doorknob hit them in in their asses on the way out.
Grrrrr!
Skids talk a good game telling DH that they love him but it's their way or the highway.
Daddy and you, need to show them the map to get to the highway and make each other and your marriage the focus. Notify the failed family spawn of when you are available and leave it at that. Do not chase them, do not coddle, and do not tolerate their manipulative domineering bullshit. When a GK asks the whiny questions, bare their toxic parent's ass and tell the GK the truth.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I would suggest to DH that he
I would suggest to DH that he continue to have these separate meetings with the birthday kid. As they get older it can be a meaningful experience with grandpa and the relationship between grandkid and grandparent can be a special one. I cherish my memories with my grandparents and not because of the gifts they gave.
Reply to Survivingstephell
I 100 percent agree!
That would crush anyone. Fwiw
That would crush anyone. Fwiw, I think you should tell him how that comment made you feel.
This. Agreed.
This. Agreed.
SAY IT! Absolutely call DH out on his "you guys are all I have
SAY IT! Absolutely call DH out on his "...you guys are all I have in this world...." bullshit.
I would jerk a knot in his tail with "So, your kids are all you have in this world huh? I'm glad to now know where I stand in your life."
Then grab the keys to the car and go for a loooong drive, have a nice meal at a favorite place, go shopping, and let him simmer in his bullshit until you get home very late that evening. If he is in bed when you get home, wake his ass up and tell him he is moving to the guest room until you tell him otherwise.
I cannot imagine how clueless a man has to be to pull this shit and treat his wife with this level or any level of dismissiveness.
smh
If this was me having this conversation with my kid, even if she was not in my presence when I was having this conversation, it would never enter my being to do this to my bride or simper to the kid. My bride would never think this in regard to my SS. Until my demise at which point it would be true. Though even then I cannot see her or me taking this perspective. Kids are of course a part of life's legacy. But anyone who takes this position has failed in their life, as an adult, as a spouse, and as a parent. There is so much more to life than children or their children. They are important, they are not everything.
IMHO of course.
I am incensed for you with this. It really torques my ass.
I am totally with Rags on this one!
I am totally with Rags on this one! What an awful thing to say.
Does your husband otherwise
Does your husband otherwise make you feel unwanted? If not.. I would not dwell on the words he said.. I think his sentiment was more likely .. "you are the only children and grandchildren I have... " so poorly worded... and not intended to mean you are "nothing".. but that they are important to him.. not replaceable as family.
It's okay to tell him
It's okay to tell him something really hurt you and it's okay to tell him why. To him those mist've just been appeasing words and he might have no idea you're hurt. It's okay for you to feel hurt but he can't change it if he doesn't know he did it.