He's probably jealous of your attention.  My DH does a mild version of this sometimes.  It's a pain and I feel like saying, "Grow up"   I feel for you, it's a bummer.

like he is just looking for something to be upset about. If it was me, I would call him out on it, especially addressing his badmouthing your kids to his. And I would make sure he understands how much this upsets you.

You should be able to enjoy your kids' visits without having to deal with mantrums. 

I think it was Ben Franklin who said guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days, *biggrin* You all have a full house for somewhat of a long period of time. I like having houseguests--friends and family--but after more than a few days, I start getting antsy to get back to my routine.

Still, it sounds like your DH is overreacting, and it is AWFUL that he is complaining to his kids about yours! That is a betrayal.

I hope some of the air clears when you and DH talk and that you can get to the bottom of this. Maybe you all can come to a compromise regarding future visits. Do your daughter and her husband live with you or are they visiting, too? Breaking up the visits could help. Are there reasonably priced vrbo properties around you? 
 

Something that worked out well in my family when my mother and stepfather lived in another state was that if there were more than two of us adult kids (some with their own children) visiting, we stayed/slept elsewhere and got together during the day and for dinners just to cut down on the chaos. 

I will bare my own intolerance here.. If I had 5 extra people staying in my home.. and if I had three of them staying for 2 weeks?  I would go absolutely bat crazy.. and would be totally on edge.. a LOT.

and.. I read your post.. then went back and re-read it... and picked up the nugget of information that your grandson is a middleshooler.. so preteen/young teen.  and that changed my POV about "he is just doing kid stuff".

My YSD used to collect rocks and fill her pockets with them... when she was 5/6 years old.  Your grandson is a bit old to do that.. then leave the mess for someone else to deal with. (if the pebbles were important treasures.. he should have put them in a bag.. if they were not.. then he should have emptied the cupholder.. at his age.. he is old enough to be more responsible).

Same with the rings.. a young kid is given more grace on forgetting.. but your teen grandson seems to have a pattern of acting without thinking.. and there have been consequences.  And.. for someone who may not enjoy the descending horde in the home.. his reactions may be bigger.

Should he be screaming and throwing a fit over mistakes.. maybe not.. but if that kid is not responsible.. then a responsible adult (his parents.. you..) need to supervise him.

Then your dil and sil.. welll... he broke a lock.. and then the poles had issues.. whether that was user error.. or just age.. hard to say.. though I find that my own poles that are not brand new.. work fine for me.. but put them in my sgks or my sd's hands.. all of a sudden the reel stops functioning.. the tip snaps.. and they become trash.  I appreciate them getting a new pole.. that seems like a fair gesture.. and I do hope they paid for the lock repair as well.

IMHO.. I know you may have the rooms..but it sounds like visits where they stay elsewhere.. would be in everyone's best inerest.

I know you are frustrated by what you see as your husband's overreactions.. but if there is no way to make him most comfortable with having his home hosting multiple people.. then it doesnt matter abouti how many rooms you may have. it's not a good option.  You wouldn't want him to force you into a situation that you are uncomfortable with.. and if he is uncomfortable.. then you owe him that same courtesy imho.

Is the fact that his kids are more distant feeding into this? possibly.. but you do mention several.. issues that he probably had every right to be somewhat irritated with..even if his reactions may have been more than you think was reasonable.. I would be upset by having guests when it seemed like every time I turned around something was going off the rails.

If this is kind of an isolated issue with his temperament.. and your relationship is otherwise good.. why not do the thing that would relieve pressure and not have your kids' families staying in the home at least not for such long stretches... perhaps a night or two.. but one family is there 2 weeks.. and then the other piles on during that same time? that's a lot.

My guess is that your DH does not actually have an issue with your kids and GK(s), he has an issue with his own.  

Not a major issue for us, however, there was a period where mybride had her panties in a wad about my family.  As with any family, there are irritating things about mine. Though nothing of any significance.

It took some time for her to get it out. When there is clearly an issue that is remaining unsaid, I do not let things sit. I pull teeth until the issue is spoken. So when I had had enough, I grabbed the pliers and started pulling teeth. Figuratively of course.

The basics were that her family works so hard and never gets ahead while my family is happy and successful and things just come easy to them.  It was across the board. Her parents are all about instant gratification and the "dream".  No vision on the long game, they buy what they think they want at any given time.  Though they do not put any thought into it.  They want a piece of farm equipment, they buy it. Not something that is serviceable. They buy worn out junk because that is what they think they can afford. Then they spend some multiplier fixing it repeatedly when they could have bought a serviceable reasonably priced alternative.  Then they get all butt hurt when it breaks and go after the person who sold it to them taking the victim position though all over the bill of sale the year model of the equipment is clear and the repeated reference to "sold as is" is very forward.  Her younger sibs are all marginally viable adults but not truly viable. Their kids are all on the scale of train wreck at some level.

My parents are financially secure, my brother is a C-suite exec, DW, my brother, and I were all in undergrad at the same University.  DW, my brother, and I all are graduated degreed professionals.

When we worked through the teeth pulling, DW realized that what appeared as good fortune and things coming easy to my family was the result of decades of study, degrees, certifications, evolving successful careers, delayed gratification, etc...   All hard work, intelligent directed well thought out work rather than shotgun shooting from the hip unfocused work lacking a direction.

Though at the time DW was struggling over all of this my brother and I were in Grad school and DW was finishing her undergrad she got locked into that mind set.  It took time, but she did learn to view her family from an intellectual perspective rather than entirely from an emotional one.

When I finally took the enough is enough stand and started pulling teeth, it became clear pretty quickly that the issue was not my family, it was hers and their ingrained unearned superiority complex, inherent mean streak, and ultimately their jealousy that she was thriving and growing a successful life, marriage, and career while they were splashing around in the same old multi generational cesspool of failure and envy.

Nothing is ever their fault. It is the idiot boss, or the idiot coworker, mean bank, or, or, or, or, or.

Multiple home foreclosures, multiple bankruptcies, repossessions, etc....

Once we had the waterfall moment and hashed it out and she embraced that the issue was them not my family she quickly worked through that stage.

Get the pliers out and start pulling teeth.

That may just engage his brain enough that he realizes where the issue really is.  For sure I would not tolerate his crap and would keep beating him over the head with a clear statement that his kids are the problem, not yours.  

As for the rocks in the cup holder of the folding chair, dive rings in the pool, and a broken door lock.  Shit happens.  Your DD had the lock fixed.  It sounds to me that your DH has a bit of a problem never progressing past the juvenile stage of emotional intelligence.

My bride is truly exceptional. She is brilliant, successful, driven, kind, and has a pure heart.  That is why she hurts deeply when people she cares about disappoint her.  Not that she would recognize that they disappoint her.  She wants what is best for them even if they couldn't see what is best for them when there is no other choice.  They will make the choice that caters to their instant gratification genetic predisposition then whine and complain about the outcome.

My bride is either a mutant or an alien implant in her family.  Which I think is part of their issue with her and her disappointment in them.

No Name,

Reading your post awakens nasty memories from my past that still have the power to infuriate me. My ex-husband’s parents visited from Scotland every year of our marriage for at least 3 weeks at a time, the last visit also including the ex’s teenaged nieces. The girls were bone lazy and spent their holiday complaining about my meals (healthy, almost no fried foods) and whining about boredom while my own teen daughters continued to help prepare meals and do the laundry, the vacuuming and other chores (as well as holding down part time jobs). 

However, when my family visited (never overnight), the ex was downright rude. On one occasion, for example, soon after the prearranged arrival of my mother and grandmother, he snapped open his newspaper and began to read, rather than engage in any sort of conversation. 

The ex complained about my daughters, my siblings and even my close friends until that final visit from his parents and the nieces; the straw that broke the camel’s back. I filed for divorce within a month after his family’s departure.

Hon, I can so relate to the incredible stress you’ve suffered, trying to keep everybody happy and shielding your family from your husband’s intolerance and nasty remarks. It’s just plain awful, particularly when there is such a contradiction between your forbearance and his unjust behaviour. Certainly, ESMOD brings up some salient points (as usual) in defence of your husband but some of his excessive and unreasonable remarks are both uncalled-for and unforgiveable. 

There may be a number of reasons for his spitefulness but the fact remains that his conduct was spiteful and needs to be firmly addressed. One of the best outcomes of divorcing my ex was the ability to invite whomever I pleased to my new house! My parents, sibs and I enjoyed some grand times in that small but happy and peaceful home.