Strange Photo Phenomenon...
I am pretty much disengaged from Adult SD32 and her clan but I've noticed something odd since she had her kids.
Her father (my SO) has to ASK for pics of the grandskids and she typically uses the excuse that her phone was out of power/she didn't have any on her phone/she has to see what her DH has, etc.
Then when she gets around to sending them they are always these awful, blurry phone pics and videos. Half the time it's of the back or top of the kids' heads where you can barely glimpse their faces. My SO shows these to me and I usually make some noncommittal remark, "Oh, cute!" because I don't want to get into discussions about them nor do I want to comment about what lousy photos they are - I have to remember to disengage, disengage, disengage.
Over the years, I have noticed that SD does post professional family photos on her public-facing page so I know they have "good" family photos and good photos of the grandkids. SD has never, not once, send her father one of these pictures taken at birthdays and holidays. SD is well aware her father is not on FB so would not see these pics. She has never sent her father any physical photos either. This Christmas, it was a bunch of hand-painted kid "arts and crafts" but not a single photo of them.
One of the kids had a birthday and yet again, SO had to ASK for her to please send a pic or two of the grandkids. Once again, she used the excuse that her phone ran out of power so she didn't have any but when she got a chance she would get some from her DH and send to SO.
She then sends him a couple of blurry, crappy phone photos which he showed me. I immediately noticed the kids were quite dressed up in fancy clothes which I am assuming because they did some sort of professional family photo again.
I really don't understand why SD is so averse to sending her dad good pics of her kids? Then something dawned on me - I am certain that BM is present for most of these events so she is probably prominently featured in many of the pictures. Or maybe she is the one who istakes the photos herself and doesn't want to "share" any of them, knowing they will be going to SO.
Yet that still does not answer why SD doesn't send him one of the professional shots. I just don't get it. Unless of course, BM is paying for all the professional photo shoots (probably as a "gift" to SD and family) so she can have control, saying she doesn't want any of them shared with SO.
In either case, BM's parental alienation took very deep roots and SD still does not think of her father as her parent, thus he is not worthy of being treated like a grandparent either. For those with adult skids who have not yet had kids, it bears mentioning that parental alienation is a contagious disease and will be passed down generations. Be forewarned.
Fundamentally, I think it's a shame that grandpa still does not have a single decent photo of the grandskids. Not one. Nothing he can proudly show others since they are such blurry, horrible quality. And I know it breaks his heart. Which is always hard to watch...
Go take the pictures off
Go take the pictures off Facebook. You can save them to your device & print some from there unless there are watermarks on them marking them as professional. Without the watermarks, sending them to be printed online & shipped to your house should not get flagged, but if it does, pick different pictures from her Facebook.
Even without printing, you can save them & send them to your SO phone so he can have them & show the pictures off that way.
What SD doesn't know won't hurt her.
I would but...
being "disengaged" means I am not going to make any effort, especially to do what SD should be doing herself. I used to do things like this, to try and minimize her neglect, but I'm done with that.
It is a good suggestion if it were simply a case of occasional oversight. But this is intentional neglect/ignoring of her father.
It's probably just a power
It's probably just a power game, she makes him ask and won't let him have any nice pictures. Never forget who is in control.
I think it is control.
But I also think that the parental alienation is the foundation. If kids are taught from a very young age that their father (and his family) are not important nor worthy, then that's what the kid believes. Sometimes when kids become adults they see through this alienation, and will take a different approach. Not SD. BM firmly holds the only reins to parenthood - as well as the significant cash flow.
SK pictures
YSS54 has 3 daughters and has always lived out of town. When the 2 oldest kids were growing up, he was very affluent. We received some professional pictures when they were about 3 and 5. I displayed them in the living room where all the GK pictures are. Years went by and one day, I asked DIL if schools still took pictures, hint, hint, so she sent school pictures of them at about 12 and 14. I replaced the 3 and 5 age pictures. Those were the last we received.
Flash forward when the SKs were cleaning out their dead SF's house to prepare for sale. They had to temporarily store some things here. Included were at least 5 large cartons crammed full of framed, professional pictures of the kids.
Why none were ever sent here is puzzling. YSS and I have a somewhat distant relationship but he loves DH. Oh well.
It is strange if SS loves his DH.
In that case, perhaps it was just a case of oversight. Or, like many men, he assumed his wife would be in charge of sending photos to grandparents. Looks like they did send them to BM and SF, but didn't send to your DH and you. Not sure if the relationship with DIL had any bearing on your situation ... was she close with BM?
DIL (ex) and BM
I'm sure exDIL was closer to BM. BM often traveled to babysit and I have a feeling BM was showing her best side and toning down her volatility. But DIL seemed fine with us, too, when we visited. Who knows. BM is dead now and DIL and YSS have split. It's all in the past but your post reminded me of how surprised I was when I saw carton after carton of grandkid pictures coming in. Steplife....
Photos. Who knows why people
Photos. Who knows why people do what they do.
SD2 had her baby just after DH retired. She asked DH to care for the baby while she worked (part time). Son-in-law would drop off the baby and SD2 would pick up.
One day when picking up the baby SD2 gives DH two wallet sized pictures of the baby. DH put them on the chest in the room with the baby things. Next day I go looking for them and can't find them. Search the house without success. A week later one picture shows up exactly where DH had put them. The only thing I can figure is that son-in-law saw them, took them, and returned only one. SD2 didn't have permission to leave two pictures here. I'm not a relative so wallet pictures are not for me.
Stop asking for pictures.
Stop asking for pictures.
I'd make a big deal out of
I'd make a big deal out of them & print them out & frame them on the walls and give some to DH to put in his office. But i'm petty like that.
Photos of Stepgrandkids
I have step-grandkids &step-great-grandkids. We used to get a few (not many) professional pics of the step-grandkids when they were little. But now, with the step- grandkids grown & i now have step-great-grandkids,. We don't ever get any pics, we don't even see them. We don't even know all of them or their names even. I do have my SS's 3 adult kids on my facebook friends & I have gotten some pics off their facebook pages & printed them, & my DH made a comment one time i done that & said "Why did you have pics of them printed? We don't even see them!" Well now that i know how he feels about that, i don't bother anymore. We did however get invited to 2 of the baby showers for my SS's kids, & we went & we took some pics with them, those pics we made at the baby shower is the only pics he wants of them, i am guessing it's because that is when we actually seen them.
DH can pull the professional photos off of his toxic spawns page
Have them professionally printed and mounted then start sharing on his own public facing social media pages.
See what his idiot spawn thinks about that. She may not want to send him actual professional photo portraits, but he can sure as hell get them for himself and do with them what he wishes. Once they post to social media, they pretty much are free game.
These SD's are so bizarre.
These SD's are so bizarre.
More important
Was doing a gallery wall for my 3 grandchildren And my 2 step grandchildren with 5x7 pictures. Asked stepdaughter for 5x7 pictures of her children for the wall received 10x13. I guess her children are more important than my sons children.
Easy fix for this one...
Take a picture of the photos with your phone and resize them down to 5x7s. Or else don't put them up at all. If she asks tell her you only bought 5x7 frames.
That is a solution. I was
That is a solution. I will not be hanging the larger photos! I was just irritated that she would send the large photos. She was sending me the message that her children are more important.
That is a solution. I was
That is a solution. I was just irritated that she would send the large photos. She was sending me the message that her children are more important.
Same situation
My DH has had to beg for pictures of his grandkids for years. He just stopped asking after awhile because it was obvious SD(60) wasn't going to send them otherwise. And, nope, didn't get invites to high school graduations either. Don't understand these women.