Hm. I never thought about it this way before, StepAside. This is definitely a new perspective on the typical "SD is just having a hard time getting over not being the center of attention" explanation that I've been employing to rid myself of the hurt from her actions. In reflection, my SD13 is already well on the track of sending these kinds of messages to myself and SO (but especially to me) whenever we do things that couples do together. She's picking up where GUBM left off. Before we moved to PGH, I had to deal with GUBM treating SO like he was, as you put it, a walking telephone pole that she urinated on to mark her territory. GUBM spent the first two years of our relationship getting all huffy and offended with SO anytime she felt that SO was doing for me and not SD (and herself). Heck, my grandmother bought me a brand new car and GUBM almost turned it into a battle with SO, screaming at him in our driveway about how dare he buy a brand new car and tell her that XYZ was too expensive before he even got the chance to explain to GUBM that it wasn't HIS car but MY car and that I bought it myself without any financial input from SO.

Now, SD is doing the same thing when she's around. And it's not just as it relates to SO. It's with anything that she feels is rightfully hers, even our cat (which, yes, is technically her cat, but, she has adopted me as her human and has lived with us since she and GUBM abandoned her in the NJ townhouse when they moved to the Jersey Shore. And yes, they abandoned her. That cat had a litter box that was overdue for cleaning by a month and an empty set of bowls when we moved into that house four days after they moved out. And no, neither one of them told us they left the cat behind or we would have gotten to that house much sooner).

You can bet that the cat adopting me as her human really set SD off when she last visited, the cat wouldn't go near her and slept with me every night, so, she decided to lecture me one night on how to take care of HER cat and how I was failing HER cat. SO thinks this was SD trying to exert herself in the face of the house expectations, I didn't and don't. I think now that this was SD reacting to the jealousy she felt over the fact that the cat "picked" me over her.

This offers an explanation for much of her behavior the last time that she was out here in PGH. Acting like a troll when we ALL went out to celebrate SO's birthday and he picked a restaurant based on my medical restrictions, all the acting out the day after SO and I would have our nights out as adults, the ridiculous reaction to SO buying BOTH of us gifts from a store, SD being firmly planted up SO's backside every chance she got, her outbursts following the acquisition of a new AC unit for our bedroom (that I bought) because - as SO later learned - she just assumed SO bought it for me and he really should have bought it for HER, and draping herself all over SO when we all went to spend a nice night out the night before I was going on a week-long trip.

But, you're definitely right. It's not worthwhile stressing out over messages like that, better to just enjoy life. If anything, knowing this just gives me a little more insight into SD's behaviors. Hopefully I'll just be able to roll my eyes and carry on with my day in the future, lol. But, I'm surprised I didn't get this before because it makes complete sense. GUBM acted this way, so, why wouldn't SD act this way?