Nanny troubles
So my DH seems to think it's weird that I would let my BS4 grandmother watch our BD4months. He says it's weird, wrong, and that I should respect him on this bc it's his daughter to. I don't think it's weird one bit but he gave me the scenario of his EXW mother watching our daughter, and YES that's weird they ALL hate him and according to him were very mean to him. My BS4 grandmother is the absolute kindest lady I have ever met. The first day I met her I was 15 years old (I"M now 25) and she took me in as hers, she's been like a second mother to me. She's been the ONLY person to watch my BS4 while I've worked, the only person to EVER help me with him when he'd been up ALL night with a ear infection, cutting teeth, etc. My daughter is 4 months old and in the last 4 months I have NEVER been away from her for more than 5 minutes. I just want a couple hours to myself is that so much to ask for? She has offered to help me out with my daughter on many the occasion (which is far more than his family has ever offered to do) yet my husband refuses and gets extremely angry. Am I wrong for thinking he's the one in the wrong here? He says she might hurt her! WTF she has 6 grandkids, one of them is my son!!! She teaches Tuesday School at church I've know her for 10 years if there is one person I trust with both of my children it would be her. Facts are these and I feel he should put his big boy undies on and get over it.
*I know he hates my sons BD he and I have a great relationship we occasionally disagree, but other than that we get along fully.
*I have NEVER met my husbands family(other than his mother twice) he's never offered. To me that's something you offer to do in the first couple of months, not after a year of marriage am I right? So he's insanely envious of my relationship with my sons BD family, we're all still very much in touch.
*He told me they were strangers to him, I ruefully turned the table back on him and told him meeting his mother only twice for no more than 5 minutes each time made her a stranger to me. So should I not let his mother her biological grandmother watch her.
I'm so pissed right now ughhh I could choke him!!! Do I not deserve a small break? It would be nice to go out to diner without a baby!!!!
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Comments
Family is what you make it.
Family is what you make it. If your former MIL played a huge part in your life as a mother figure, he should respect that.
His own family doesn't embrace you, that's their problem and his.
Ughhh thank you!!! That's
Ughhh thank you!!! That's what I've been trying to explain to him. He also throws up that my sons grandmother is not my mother. I told him when my mother passed away 2 years ago that she became the next best thing! It's so frustrating.
Your a grown woman with
Your a grown woman with relationships that proceeded him. Its not about HIM!!! He needs to get past his jealousy.
I'm with your husband. This
I'm with your husband. This is just weird.
There's no way I would allow any if DF's ex inlaws to sit for us. I happen to get along just fine with one BM and her mother.
I would respect your husbands
I would respect your husbands discomfort on this one. Ex in-laws shouldn't be caring for your new husbands child. Nice and loving or not, I would be freaking out if I was in his shoes too. Give him this one...
I agree with Disney and
I agree with Disney and Overworked. I would not be comfortable with that at all and I wouldn't "get over it". He's your husband now so you need to take his feelings into consideration. How would you feel if the shoes were on the other foot?
I'm not comfortable with our son visiting DH's mom (albeit because of things she's said) without me there and he respects that. Please don't let your DH feel like his feelings don't matter. Think about it.
As much as I'd like to say
As much as I'd like to say you should let your BS4's grandma take your daughter, I'd have to agree with the rest of the posters--it's too close with the ex's family and boundaries are being crossed. I look at it this way, in a relationship, we should respect each other's limits, and if after talking it all out we still can't agree, we just don't do whatever is making the other one uncomfortable.
I'm sorry that even though you have a great relationship with BD's family, it is more important that you have a great relationship whit your husband. Everyone has insecurities and quirks and issues and beliefs, your husband's should be your priority, and to him, your exMIL is not family. Just like you wouldn't let your husband's exMIL (BM's mom) babysit, no matter how good of a relationship he has with her if you don't have the same.