Hello everyone, I'm a long time reader and was a member years ago. I'll try to give some back story and keep it short but I know I'll leave out important information so I apologize in advance.

My SO has 3 kids, 2 (stb20SD and SS17) fom his previous marriage and SD 14 from another relationship. We have DS3 DS9MOS and another on the way together.

SD20 no longer lives with us. At 18 SO got her a job working with his for the summer making more than double minimum wage. She was cleaning for about an hour or two and then did nothing for the rest of her shift. Easy money. She was told to find another job before that one ended, it was summer work, or to save money and we would pay for some college classes. She didn't want to work or go to achool, didn't clean up after herself, wouldn't take care of herself (weeks without showering), was extremely disrespectful to everyone and was creating a toxic environment for all of the kids. After over a year of this she was told to move out. There's more to it but that's the basic story.

SS17 is going to work with me during the summer and is visiting colleges soon. He's a great kid. His only issues really are not wanting to clean up after himself and do his chores. He will do what we ask though.

SD 14 is a mess. She's a cutter, which isn't new to us as SD20 was as well (she suffered childhood trauma and used that to cope). She's a liar, little things big things, every thing. We got custody of her a few years ago. When she came we found out she had a lot of issues. SO was denied contact with her for years and fought it but it was hard just to get visitation for a long time. She wasn't like this when he stopped seeing her. We have hit a wall and really don't know what to do.

She's going online at BMS and GMS and talking to men, taking inappropriate pictures etc. We cut off most Internet usage at our home but BM still allows her saying it's normal teenage girl stuff. GM allows it because BM won't allow her to see SD 14 and she's worried she won't want to go there when SO allows it. SO told her it is to stop or there won't be anymore overnight visits and only short ones during the day. She was fine with this BUT we just found a secret cell phone that we think GM gave to her (not the first time).

SD14 is disrespectful, she has threatened to hit me once, I shut that down right away, always lying to SO then claiming she's not even though she does it in the same sentence. Always fighting, she's been physical with BM multiple times, BM has usually initiated these and they aren't discipline. Recently she bought drugs with her cousin and smoked them in our house. She told her school counselor that she smoked with BM too which prompted CPS to show up at both homes. The case was closed because SD14 claims she never did with BM. We know BM let's her use her hookah but not sure about the drugs. She's a user and wants to be SDS friend so it's hard to say. Now 2 days ago she went to her school counselor and told her that SO "repeatedly" punched her in the face and threw her down the stairs. She knew CPS would get involved and I think that's why she did this. She wants to live with BM again because we are too strict (have reasonable rules). The counselor called and gave us a heads up and said she knows she is lying. There isn't a single mark on her and she's pretty well known as the girl who cried abuse. I think another reason is she asked to go to a therapist her friend goes to and SO said no.

SO was/is afraid to punish her. He's improved a lot but struggles with following through. I think that's a big reason no punishment works. She's lost most of her privacy, for various reasins, and is now in the room next to ours with no lock and an open door. No Internet access of course, no going out with friends etc.

There's so much more but I can't begin to explain it all without adding 20 pages. I'm at the end of my rope. With the CPS issue I told SO that this is it. He needs to handle it or I'll have to take our children and leave because it's hurting them. Unfortunately the only way I can do so is to move 3 hours away with my family because I don't make enough to support us on my own, starting over is expensive, and our savings is drained thanks to court costs. Splitting his income between two houses will ruin us financially.

As a side note I disengaged from her in Nov 2015 after she nearly cost me my job.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and sorry for the bad formatting. I'm using my phone and can't edit too much without losing it all.