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Does anyone ever say this "I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!"

Lulu's picture

Submitted by Lulu on Wed, 10/22/2008 - 10:50pm

I am so tired........... I sometimes feel like I made a huge mistake. My husband is so wonderful to me and he loves his and our kids. I just keep thinking I should not have been such a control freak! When their mom dropped them off and moved far away I jumped in and TADA!!! I was a mom. No kids of my own at that time, mind you. I should have made her take them even though she didnt want to. From day one it was so much drama from bio mom and my husbands mother. No wonder his ex wife was such a nut, dealing with that crazy biotch would tend to make you looney. Still with all the drama, it just drove me to work that much harder with the kids. I did so much with them and for them. Always treating them as they were my own. Now, 13 years later, I am wondering. They are grown, 19B, 18G, and 17B. I feel so used....... The oldest has lost his dang mind. He acts just like his mother! Her suicide has me worried now that he will follow in her footsteps. He does all the things she used to do. He lies and wants people to feel sorry for him to get his way. He hasnt started stealing yet that I know of but I am sure it is soon to come. My husband and I have not spoke to him on 7 months because of his constant lying. I told him that I dealt with that crap for 12 years while his mother was alive and I wasnt gonna do it again. I just dont want to do this anymore! They are grown now, is my job done? I love them all so much but it is so hard. Will I feel the same about my own kids when they are young adults? Is this just a passing phase?

Comments

tyrannt's picture

Submitted by tyrannt on Wed, 10/22/2008 - 11:40pm

You are not alone... I feel the same way! I'm tired of putting in so much energy, emotion and effort into these thankless step kids some days. Not one thank you, not one 'I love you' back, nothing. It's like loving and hugging cold stones sometimes. Geesh, my rock garden gives me more respect and love. The plus side is that it doesn't talk back, and I get the occasional 'gift' left from critters...

Lulu's picture

Submitted by Lulu on Thu, 10/23/2008 - 7:20am

LOL! Thanks for the smile. My emotions are so up and down from day to day. I just wonder sometimes if they really love me at all. They definately dont show it.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Thu, 10/23/2008 - 6:04pm

LuLu,
I, like you came into this relationship 4 years ago with no children of my own (hopefully I will one day) and automatically became a SM to 3 boys. The oldest is only 13 (he lives with us) so I still have awhile to go before he gets to 18 but I wonder if when they do reach adult age, is there anymore issues with BM, will the skids be more settled and relaxed, will they be off doing their own thing and leaving BF and I in peace, I sure hope so, but from what I've read so far on this site, it never ends.
I do love my skids as well, but they too don't show it back (I just put it down to young age), I guess I just hope that one day I may see a glimps of appreciation from them.

You have been through such an ordeal the last 13 years and have done the best job you could do for those skids, hopefully you find some comfort in knowing that.

I hope it only gets better for you from here.

Angel's picture

Submitted by Angel on Fri, 10/24/2008 - 12:43pm

these men find a lot of women that don't have children.

tyra's picture

Submitted by tyra on Fri, 10/24/2008 - 9:33pm

I feel like that sometimes as well. My story is nothing like yours. You sounds as though you have put so much into your family. Being a SM is so hard.

I, too, came into this with no kids but now have two of mine own and one SD. She has always been a good kid but her mom and my husband's mom (MIL) have made life so miserable. There are times when I have wanted to run and hide but can't do that now that we have kids. I love my husband and he loves us...so I know I have made the right decision but it is hard some days.

SD is only 7 but laready I feel her pulling away and her asking questions...ones that I know her mom is asking. I, too, am pulling away. I keep telling myself I am the adult but I can't help how I feel.

Will we go through the same things with our own kids? maybe but I know I will work harder on the relationship with my own kids than I do with SD. MY own kids, although young still, show a lot of love towards me and me towards them. My relationship is guarded with SD and has always been because I have been under the microscope.

We do the best we can...things don't always turn out the way we hope. Don't beat yourself up over this. There comes a time where they have to find their own way.

Good luck.