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What do you do with an evil child?

Loststepmom's picture

Seriously, BM, BM's husband, DH, myself don't know what to do with her anymore, DH and BM wonder what did they do wrong to have this malicious "killing capable" 12 year old girl...????

Do you think someone can be born evil??? :O

I won't say BM got the "best mom" award but she is not that bad, she truly cares about SD's well being, and is too sick to deal with her, she appreciates everything i have done for her daughter, and told me that with tears in her eyes, therapists don't solve anything, churches don't solve anything... nobody can help... this girl is helpless...

the word "kill" is in her daily vocabulary with srious attempts to do so... (to her baby half sister, 6 month old daughter)...

Comments

HummingBirdHunny's picture

OMG, that's horrible! I wish there was something I could say to help you. Just know we are all here for you.

anita...sigh's picture

She sounds deeply distrubed and you need the help and assistance of a good doctor, pediatrician and pyschiatrist. They have hospitals for children that she can stay at (check Children's Hospital) with mental and behavioural issues and can be evaluated, have meds tested, behavioural therapy, schooling, etc.

You guys cannot do this one, its beyond a layman's ability. Even with extensive treatment, she may never be well.

You need to jump on this asap. Try contacted your local CPS and see if they have any suggestions, advise, mental health professionals, referrals, etc.

I do understand the problem that you are having, my SK's have many serious issues (violence is in there) and I know the fear you are feeling. Its not easy to "commit" a 12 year old to a pysch ward but do away with the sterotypical idea of a pysch ward, and it is the best place for her safety, your safety and the baby's safety.

Please start with your family doctor (go without the child so you can discuss her openly with doctor).

You are in my prayers.

We all smile in the same language

Loststepmom's picture

because she broke my daughter's arm, and when we took her to the ER, CPS contacted us right because we didn't have an explanation of how a 6 month old broke her arm... in addition, we found out that SD12 said that we used to hit (both of them) all the time (NOT TRUE!!), she also showed many bruises that she had (not from our house she probably did that herself) the case seems to be in our favor though, because we have a lot of proof of how dysfunctional this child has been throughout her life... and it seems like SD will be going to a juvenile program soon, and we'll get our daughter within a week...

This is by far, the worst moment of my life... I don't want to see SD NEVER EVER again... and her mother already gave her righs off... so... DH is stock with the decision of what to do with this demon, but certainly this girl is not entering my house again...

anita...sigh's picture

I soooo sorry for what you are going through. Its a double whammy tragedy. Does your CPS offer family support? I live in Canada and worked with our CPS for many years. I'm hoping that the juvenile program they are talking about is similar to what I was describing that is available in Canada. Is she chargeable for assault at the age of 12? What is the threshold. Either/or I think it is something the police should be made aware of. If they know in advance that a problem yourth is coming up through the pipes, they will be more watchful of their activity.

You, my dear, have been through a very very traumatic experience. You need help and support (DH too). I would not let her back in either. She is too high-risk. She should not be placed with any other children, period. You are going to need help of a counsellor to understand and work through what has happened to you. Also, see your doctor for yourself, I've done this and they can provide some good insight at times.

One of the hardest thing for a parent to come to terms with is a serious mental illness. Please take care of your needs at this time. Maybe your SD has a physical illness that has gone undiagnosed.

Out of morbid curiousity, have you ever known your stepdaughter to hurt animals?

We all smile in the same language

Loststepmom's picture

her brother and mother are allergic to dogs and cats, do they have none in that house, they have fish but i have never heard of her doing anything to them...

We in the other hand, wanted a dog so badly, but SD insisted she didn't want one... she doesn't like animals at all... just FAKE snakes and tarantules...

We didn't get the dog because we knew that SD did not want it, and i was actually of her doing something to the dog...

But i have never heard of her doing something to any animal... :?

anita...sigh's picture

Sounds like she's had very little exposure to animals. I'm thinking if she doesn't like animals, chances are she would hurt or kill one. I think you made a very sound decision not to get a dog.

When I was growing up (about 8), we lived in this kinda rural, backwater community and there was this one boy my age whose presence would just creep us out. One day, he talked us into coming and looking at something he said he "found". It was a dead cat with a broken neck, he admitted he did it, bragged about it and went on to tell us stories about other cats in the neighbourhood. We made our excuses and got the hell out of there. I'm sure that kid is either in jail or dead by now.

We all smile in the same language

lovelovelove's picture

To boarding school or something. Or there is always the Baker-Act. Seriously, you have a real problem on your hands with this one. She needs to disappear from your lives for a very long time, at least until she is mentally stable. She has put your baby's life in danger. That's not something to play around with. Your SD could end up in prison if she's not careful.

Loststepmom's picture

accepted how none of us want her in our lives, and it was extremely painful to express this feeling especially from her biological parents, but we have all had too much, and sadly enough, we do realize that she will end up in JAIL. We will definitely be dealing with psychiatrists, since psychologists don't seem to help very much...

Gia's picture

"none of us want her in our lives" she must be quite the devil for her bio parents to say such thing... not just stepparents... :O

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

Loststepmom's picture

Her mother is a little unstable and nervous, but she tried, and i don't blame her (i used to)... and has living proof of having two other kids in perfect conditions and one of them will be entering the gifted kids program because he is smart beyond his age...

SD is evil and looks evil in everything she does, and is not just towards me but towards her own mother...

and, how do you explain that she doesn't have 1 friend!!! not even one!!! other kids hate her...

I do blame both DH and BM for letting such dysfunctional child live a "normal" life in society, putting others' lives in danger...

anita...sigh's picture

There are people who are born pure evil. Ever meet someone for the first time and they make your hair stand up on end? I have and I've always bang on. Sociopaths.

We all smile in the same language

laughterandtears's picture

My BS was right around a year old. My oldest SS turned him upside down, held his feet in air and pushed his shoulders into the floor and his head into his chest. I screamed at him to let go, but he wouldn't. I was running over to him as I yelled. I had to shove him off of my son. I checked my baby to make sure he was okay and marched the kids to the vehicle. I took his little but to the police station. The sherrif himself threatned to hang him by his toes and whip his a**. SS did not care. He just shruged. He was only 9. From there I went to the Juvinile intake officer. He told me to put him in a mental hospitle. I did. He stayed there for almost a year. That was not the first mean thing he did, but it was the first life-threatning thing he did to my son. Now he much better behaved. He still has issues, but I usually squash quickly. I have learned that I have to be willing to do what it takes to keep him in line. Sometimes it is hard, but I know if I slip, he will start to turn around.

I would put his butt right back in the mental facility if I had to. It would not bother me a bit. I cannot have him running around acting like a little senseless idiot!

~IT WAS WORTH IT WHEN I BEGAN~

herewegoagain's picture

I am not saying she is not an evil child or bad behaved child, but I think you need to check on this "kill" thing because just like many other words in our language have lost their touch, well, "kill" does not really mean "kill" to many people...I tell you because I use that all the time and it truly does NOT mean I would kill anybody...geez, I cry if someone kills a spider! But when I get angry what I mean is "I want to whack you over the head, I want to make this stop, I can't deal with this, blah, blah"...and well, kill is one of the words that I use..

namaste123's picture

They had a boy, about 10 years old I think, that was behaving the way your SD has. What they said was when these things occured, that they were to tell the child that they were calling the police. If the behavior continued, the parents were to actually call the police.

She needs to learn that she is out of control. That this behavior is not acceptable in society and the result of this behavior is jail.

I have seen several situations where parents actually did call the police on children anywhere from age 10 to 18. The police WILL handle it with her. Once she hears an officer say that they WILL take her to jail, she should check her behavior.

Elizabeth's picture

If SD broke my baby BD's arm, there's no way she would EVER get back in my house.

Why did BM give her rights away? When did this happen? Does it correlate at all with SD's murderous turn of thought?

I ask because when SD was 11 her BM moved an hour away and left her with us. She was determined to take her anger and frustration out on me and DH(instead of BM). I had a BD about 6 months old at the time. I could NEVER leave BD alone with SD. I took BD with me everywhere I went in the house. I even worried about BD at night, in her room next to SD's. Luckily, I am a light sleeper and I think SD was too afraid of me to try anything like that. But she managed to make sure, over the years, that as many bad things as possible happened to BDs when she was around. My mother even said she thought SD was deliberately trying to hurt BDs. I wouldn't put that past her, although it didn't rise to the level of breaking one of their arms (lucky for SD). But she would throw the phone at me while I was holding a baby BD, or try to hit baby BD in the head with the door while I was holding her, or deliberately allow a baby BD to climb the stairs (above a hardwood floor) and then watch, hoping they would fall.

We put SD in counseling for a while, and it did help a bit. Luckily, her behavior didn't escalate (primarily because she knew I would be around and hold her accountable). In your case, I'd say a stay in a mental facility definitely is in order.

LMKL's picture

Your SD may be a sociopath. And no matter how hard anyone tries, sociopaths do not 'get better'. Does she meet any of this criteria:

-Superficial Charm

-Manipulative/Conning

-Feels 'entitled'

-Pathological Lying

-Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt

-Shallow or Lack of Emotions

-Incapacity for Love

-Need for Stimulation (ex. drama)

-Lack of Empathy

-Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature

-Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency

-Irresponsibility/Unreliability

-Promiscuous Sexual Behavior

-Parasitic Lifestyle

If she exhibits many or all of these traits, you may have a sociopath on your hands. People with this illness are born that way, although some can become a sociopath through life experiences, considering she is younger it was probably a from-birth illness. Many people refer to sociopaths as 'Devil Incarnate' or being 'born evil', in many texts being 'born evil' is in fact a relative term for sociopathic behavior. If she is already harming other human beings, then she is on a fast track to becoming a career criminal with no regard for the rights and lives of others. Unfortunately the best place for her would probably be an institution, but without a corraborative diagnosis this will probably not happen.
Since she is in the care of the state and her BM relinquished her rights, if DH does as well, she will be placed into the foster system and be allowed to wander the streets again. Now I'm not saying have her committed or thrown in juvie, but she needs real psychological help and meds. In the foster system, GOOD psyche help is hard to come by. You will have your Joe Schmo clinical psychologist from the agency coming to talk to her about foster life and not tapping in on her sociopathic issues.
I'm also not saying you should welcome her straight back into your home, especially with younger children present. If she has already abused your other child already, there isn't much doubt in my mind it will happen again.
If DH relinquishes his rights, the situation will be out of your hands and she may just show up on your doorstep again. If he does not, you have a chance to get her diagnosed and placed in an institution. It is up to you all to decided whether you want to wash your hands of her or try to seek help for her while you have a chance. Both decisions present horrible risks, but whichever you decide will be the right one.