So
SS been a bugger at school, getting into fights, running from classrooms, being rude to both students and teachers. Me and DP were quite concerned about this (He's always been badly behaved for BM on occasions but didn't get in much bother at school till this academic year). We don't speak to BM but speak to her mother to maintain communication and BM's mum has told us that BM is struggling to control his behaviour, but felt like this was because of lack of time with him/ lack of attention because BM's daughter is very demanding and if BM starts talking/ playing with ss BM's daughter will kick up a massive fuss. So we went to see SS's teacher when picking him up from school
SS is 8 and I feel it needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets worse and he gets in deeper trouble, dp feels the same as he got in a lot of trouble at school (for similar reasons actually) and his education seriously suffered.
Teacher said SS had a temper (we knew this already) and was in an anger managment programme to try to get him to talk about his problems before kicking off (my dp reacts similar to he does and so does BM so we know where the problem has begun). However teacher felt ss's behaviour was despicable on a monday, tuesday and sometimes a wednesday, but tended to be very good on a thursday and friday and at which point he was a lovely little boy (what he mainly is when with us). He said he knows hes done wrong and will sometimes when calmed down say he knows hes been badly behaved, yet on a friday he will often ask his teacher all day if he's 'been good' (friday is the day we get him from school). He also said he was underperforming at school as he often wont do tasks if he doesnt enjoy them. I have always seen ss as an intelligent child and presumed until this point he was continuing it at school (BM's mother only recently told me he was fine school work wise) but it seems this is not the case.
Me and DP and teacher explained to SS that sometimes we had to do things we didn't enjoy to make things better for ourselves, using the example of working in my case, cleaning the toilet (got a giggle out of that) and so on. I also asked SS why he behaved so well on a thurs, fri, sat but not the rest of the week.... his comment was that he came to us on a friday.....
I'm not sure what he meant by this cos when I asked if he thought if he wasnt good on those last few days he wouldnt come he didnt have a response for me. BM's mother also asked why he had been naughty at school and with his mother and he just said 'because I wanted to be, alright?' he never has that kind of attitude with us.
Has anyone else experience this before? BM and SS dont appear to have a very 'close' relationship whenever I see him with her there is never much cuddles and kisses and things, Im well aware she loves him but I get the impression she doesnt know how to entertain him as a boy, and there seems to be that older sibling 'helper' role that I had in my own childhood with my own single parent being the oldest upbringing (but my mum gave me a lot of affection). and BM's mother regulary acknowledges she doesn't spend enough time with him (he spends the majority of the week out at BM's mums house etc).I want to ensure this doesnt continue, we shower him with love and affection and always tell him he can talk to us about anything even if its something he thinks we dont want to hear and we will never shout just talk to him about it (stuck to this also). He has also (by word of BM's mother) started turning on BM's ex (his step-father) as when he came to pick him up when asked to put his shoes on SS turned and said 'why should I go with him he doesnt want me anyway'
Is there anything we can do? I'd rather nip this in the bud before it gets much much worse.