Just to clarify, I did not say that BMs have a right to be evil and to make their lives hell. By the way, I am not a BM, so I don't have a stake in fighting for BM rights.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

There really is no statute of limitations on the grieving process. Some women mourn their broken relationships for YEARS and YEARS. Doesn't give them the right to act a fool and make everyone else go down in their sea of misery but there really isn't a time limit. Some enjoy the wallowing.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

My point of view is that you can never even the scorecard; by inflicting misery and hate on others, you are doing multiplied damage to yourself. No matter what the circumstance is, you can only be a victim for so long before it takes a toll on your self worth.

I've been cheated on, but I grew past the victim stage after a few weeks. Yes it still makes me feel things from time to time, but I pretty much thank heavens that I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I grew as a person exponentially because of it. It was a valuable lesson, and I don't regret that I've had it.

Don't get me wrong, I could care less if the cheater ex were to spontaneously burst into flames, but I value the lessons that I learned from that bastard.

Some people want to be right (need vengeance) and others would rather be happy. that is really what it comes down to in all of life's arguments or wrongs. People need to ask themselves "do I want to be right and keep this argument going, or do I want to move on and be happy"? I choose happy, but there are people (and some of them I love very much - mom) who just want to be right damned the consequences to themselves or others.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Really the only people that pay for this is the innocent ones caught in the crossfire. I say this because if a woman is intent on trying to cause grief for her x because he left her for another woman, it stands to reason that same guy will tire of her antics and wind up spending less and less time with his children in order to protect himself, his current wife and ultimately, his kids. The kids lose everything.

My EH cheated on me, and while I was angry at her for a couple of months, I got over it. She knew me and knew we were married and had a child, and that was the only reason I was mad at her. Of course, he probably told her all kind of things that weren't true, such as we weren't together, I was cheating on him, who knows? My son never knew and still doesn't know about that part of our divorce, because he doesn't need to.
Now the BM in my case blaims me for their divorce. Granted they were still legally married when we started dating, but they were legally and physically seperated, and waiting for the time requirements before the divorce was granted. BUT she knew that he always had feelings for me (we were high school sweethearts back in the day) and therefore I think she decided that it was my fault because he never got over me. and she was a complete and total bitch about it, including telling SS that it was MY fault she and he were divorced, even though they were unhappy for years and divorcing BEFORE we started dating again.
I don't think that our relationship gives her the right act like that, or to screw with SS's head like that. Maybe the marriage didn't work out the way she wanted, but my DH is an amazing father to both his son AND mine, and totally devoted to them.

My x cheated on me, pretty much through our entire relationship. As I was moving out she was passing me in the hall with boxes moving in. I was upset, for a few months.

I soon got over it. I had to. I couldn't continue to live every day wishing him and her dead! They are now divorced because he cheated on her to.

He's on wife #3, they'll be divorced soon to I'm sure.

Regardless he is BS's father so I put all of my feelings aside for that fact. BUT, when the x SM demanded that my son call her mommy or he would get a spanking, and x backed her up, that's where all the problems started. He's still a idiot, I'm sure she is to wherever she is now.

He sees him once a year or so, for a few days. So it doesn't really matter anymore. Plus, I'm only here and met DH because of following x around the country. So I thank God that he cheated because if hadn't I wouldn't have met the love of my life. My DH!

"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie

Hmmmm.... for me? Since I seem to be the one fessing up to being the most vengeful..... it lasted ohhhhhh about 5 years. When she moved on to the next victim my life was fine again. Funny thing is I couldn't remember how long it was so I just FB chatted EH to ask him how long it took me to get rid of the psychobitch and he said 'took you 5 years, I wish you had done it in 5 months' LOL! I have no remorse.

I think as long as the BM has a reason to worry about her childrens saftey and security while being with their father and SM then they have the right to duke it out! Like would be hell if I was worried for my kids......but that's the only time I'll give a SM hell. I just don't believe in f*cking with my kids head or letting him in on adult matters. But hey, that's just me.

"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie

To be honest blaming the 'other woman' all the time really I feel detracts from where the blame lay - with the husband who cheated in the first place. There seems to be the assumption that this woman firstly knew that the guy she was seeing was married, that he hadn't told her he was separated etc etc.

As far as I'm concerned, an affair isn't the cause of a problem, it's a symptom - if a husband loves & respects his wife then he's not going to be dating someone else on the side.

I have been married and divorced due to being cheating on in the past. AND although i was upset - i had to realize one very important fact in all of that situation.

The other woman did not have a commitment to me - MY EX HUSBAND DID! He was supposed to honor his vows and didn't. The other woman played a role in that after she found out he was married. BUT EX HUS was a grown man - and should not have been seeking another woman. Hell he could have just divorced me.

So for that factor - for short amount of time i was upset - i was very upset with him.....she was misled to believe he was available and was in love by the time she found out about me.

BUT I sat down and realized - by looking back in the past at his and her actions and remaining upset and anger - I WAS HOLDING BACK MY OWN PROGRESS IN MOVING FORWARD IN MY LIFE. So I let it go. I could care less what happens in their lives or with who ever he is with no......

I am happy satisified and moved forward with no worries. My life depends on me and what i allow or disallow in it.... Not what an ex husband did to me or his other woman. I am more important than that and will always be more important than that to myself.

I am now experiencing that with BM - and i was not the OW. They were split before SD was even born. AND i have been married to him 1.5 years almost and dated him 3 years before that. SD will be 7 years old in April. BM started acting ridiculous once she found out we were married in 2008. She acts like i just walked in and took her husband and they were never married.

I feel for her though - She is a smart woman, who is nice looking, getting her masters degree, and teaches, lives in a affordable city and is so busy looking at us and trying to attack us that she is missing out on opportunities to do well for herself. She could purchase a home and travel and have a great time with her own daughter....... BUT is not interested in that - only in making our lives hell..... which she gets mad cause she does not succeed.....

Just a un-necessary vicious cycle - cause her child's father got married..... what a waste.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************