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Disengaging!!! (ranting)

livingontheedge's picture

Submitted by livingontheedge on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 3:46pm

I think I have finally found the answer to peace in our house. I have disengaged from SS20!!! or am trying..
History: SS20 has lived with us since December. For the first 3 months he sat in his room (in the basement) and played video games and talked to the cell phone (which BF and I pay for) 24/7. Needless to say I was not happy about this. He has always been disrespectful to me, never acknowledging me when he enters a room or thanking me when I have so obviously done something for him. He continued to do things (on purpose) to upset and make me angry. Of course all of this caused major problems between BF and I. When I first found this site I was at the point where I had told BF either SS20 needed to go or me and my BS11 would be leaving. NOW its a whole nother world!!!
When BF tries to tell me what SS20 is doing or has planned I listen, but make no comment. When SS20 does not come to dinner until 20 minutes after he is called but gets upset that we have all already eaten and food has been cleaned up....I don't listen to it or even care. I dont ask anymore where SS20 is or when he is working or why he hasnt washed his work pants which are obviously dirty for 2 weeks because.....I finally came to the realization that I do not care!!! Now in all honesty I do "care" about SS20 and if something serious were to happen to him I would be upset, but in the realm of this crazy world I have realized these things that he does or does not do are not my problem or my concern. BF can deal with it all!!! I have decided that if BF wants to let SS20 be disrespectful to him than fine, but I will not give him a chance to be so to me. I make a point to be seen by him and not heard. I have not nor plan to do anything to "help" enable his childishness. I do not care what time he gets home even though I know he will have a hard time getting up for work the next day. If he gets fired....BF's problem. I do not care if he eats or not, he is an "adult" and can fix himself something, if not then...BF's problem. If he decides to go to a friends house (2 hours away) and can't find a ride home....BF's problem. AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK TO TOTALLY DISENGAGING????

Comments

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 3:49pm

Sounds good to me! This is what I've been telling some on this site...they don't go away just because they turn 18!

Keep it up, I think it will get easier for you.

livingontheedge's picture

Submitted by livingontheedge on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 3:54pm

"they dont go away just because they turn 18!" This kid (i call him a kid because that is how he acts)will probably never go away because he has no ambition in life other than to beat the next level on the video game he is playing at the time. When I first met BF yes I knew he had kids, but they were older and I figured once they were 18, 19 or even 20 would not be living with him any longer...boy I learned that the hard way. I was living on my own at 18 just 3 weeks after I graduated high school.

livingontheedge's picture

Submitted by livingontheedge on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 4:08pm

I was so eager to live on my own, but these kids now want to just live at home forever and always be supported by "mommy and daddy".

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 6:07pm

When it becomes THEIR problem, it is no longer your problem!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

StepMadre's picture

Submitted by StepMadre on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 1:49am

I feel for you too! One positive thing is that even though stressful skids don't just disappear when they turn 18, at least we can shut the BMs out of our lives a whole heck of a lot more. My skids are still little, so I have teenage skid years still ahead of me (whoopideedoo), but no matter how hard it is to deal with them sometimes, I would have them be five times worse in exchange for not seeing their freak show of a mom standing on my front porch three times a week (and banging on the door like the gestapo, because I asked her if she wouldn't mind knocking more quietly so as not to disturb my nephew, who takes his naps at the time she picks up the skids-i'm amazed she still has knuckles considering how hard she bangs on the door!). I'll take skids who refuse to leave home forever over having to exorcise my front doorway constantly because the skids still have to be picked up and dropped off.

"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness isn’t being a bully, it’s having a backbone.” ~Robert Kiyosaki