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Disrespectfullness....

livingontheedge's picture

I can't stand disrepectfullness. My BS11 and BS14 are both at the age that they want to talk back and I do not tolerate it. I do not allow them to be disrepectful to ANYONE. So why it it that I allow and my boyfriend allows SS20 to be sooo disrespectful to me?....

Situation:
Let me set the sceneario: I took BS11 to the bus stop yesterday morning, as we are waiting he realizes he forgot his house key. I didnt have time to run back home, so I gave him mine. Fade to evening....I worked a little later yesterday evening than usual so on my way home I call boyfriend and let him know I am on my way. I get home, my hands full...mail, paper, my bags...and the front door is locked. I knock on the door and then I hear:
Boyfriend: Open the door for, "insert my name".

SS20: why, how hard is it for her to get her key out and do it herself.

boyfriend: She doesnt have her key with her.

SS20: why

(I enter)
living: because I had to give it to BS11, because he forgot his.

So I come home in a pleasant mood but with a single knock on the door SS20 causes that mood to go sour. And of course boyfriend does not say anything to SS20 about his nasty tone or his remarks. Instead a big discussion is launched into how BS11 forgot his key. Later that evening I tell boyfriend that I dont appreciate that he did not say anything to SS20 about his comments. Boyfriend pulls the "i didnt hear him" card, bull***t. Its amazing his selective hearing when it comes to SS20 and his disrepectfull comments. If that was either of my BS's talking to someone like that my first response certainly would not have been to explain why I didnt have a key, but to tell them dont get smart, or use that tone with anyone, especially me. So why is it that I cant say the same to SS20? Instead I just let it drop as usual, figuring I told boyfriend how I didnt appreciate it, but nothing was done about it (and never will be). And just giving in because I dont have the energy to fight about it all evening. So the rest of our evening goes on, I make dinner, BS11 sets table and helps clean up while SS20 sits in the living room watching TV, with his shoes on my sofa!!!! This just ignites the flame even more, but I just retreat to another room and keep my mouth shut!!! What can I do? Boyfriend is not at all interested in saying anything to SS20 almost like he is afraid of "upsetting" SS20. Meanwhile I am walking on eggshells in my own home and biting my tongue all the while......Am I wrong to let these things bother me?

Comments

secondwife20's picture

No no no no no!!! You are not in the wrong for being upset that BF's kid is disrespecting you!

I absolutely hate when people disrespect each other, especially when children disrespect adults. Ooooo, I would be so pissed if I were in your shoes. If BF is not going to do anything about it, walk up right to that kid and slap him and tell him, "You WILL respect me. I don't care if you don't like me, but you will respect me in my own house! If you don't like it, then LEAVE."

And if BF gets mad, tell him that you told him to do something about his ignorant kid. If he's not going to do anything about it, you would because you should not let anyone walk all over you and disrespect you... especially by a 20 year old punk!

livingontheedge's picture

Yeah I am pissed, but I dont know whether I am more pissed at SS20 for his attitude or BF for allowing it. I guess I am more hurt that BF continues day after day to allow SS20 to be this way. I have talked to BF about SS20 attitude on several occasions, but he always turns it around to sound like I am picking on SS20.

secondwife20's picture

then too! Slap some sense into both those idiots.

Endora's picture

My DH plays that with me and SS16-

I am at the point where I am just going to address Zippy (like I did with my own two sons and let the chips fall where they may)

Zippy is not allowed to eat meals on the living room sofa because he cannot pick up after himself and grease etc. gets on the cushions.

DH walks in and Zippy is sitting there eating breakfast on the living room sofa-he perches his plates and drinks on the oversized cushion ON the sofa -precarious to say the least.

DH walks in and waves a "cheery good morning Zippy" Insert grunt response form Zip here-DH "Zippy you are not to be eating meals on the sofa"-insert grunt #2 here as Zip's response as ZIP STILL CONTINUES SITTING THER MUNCHING AWAY-MILK SLOSHING OVER HIS BOWL ON THE SOFA.

I walk in and my blood is boiling by now

"Zippy, in this house we do not eat meals on the living room sofa-what is wrong with eating at a table?"

Insert Zippy with annoyed look on his face getting up to head downstairs-to his personal sofa and tv.

Pollyanna stick up for Zippy DH says with a nervous laugh:

Ha ha ha -because there is no TV at the table ME :jawdrop:

Honestly I cannot wait until karma and life kick this kid to the curb because NO ONE Zippy cares about seems interested in teaching him.

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

livingontheedge's picture

Your right...I'm just going to have to start talking to SS20 the same way I would to my BS's. If I walked in the living room and saw either BS with their shoes on the furniture I would instantly tell them to get their shoes off the furniture. But if I do this with SS20 boyfriend just says I am looking for things to b***h about, and it starts a whole argument that usually continues to a huge blow up on my part.

BorBor's picture

Isnt it amazing how all our stepmoms experiences inter-twine.
First I must tell you, key or no key, I have been at the door with packages and thru the window I can ss sitting on the couch and doesnt get up or even move his head ..My daughter always runs to the door. The dogs are barking. I told my ss if he hears the dogs barking get up and see what is going on and see if anyone needs help,,ewww that annoys me..

For SS to question you about a key..!!!....that is just rude, if he has nothing nice he should keep his mouth shut

My DH is always the first on the Bandwagon to question my kids for their mistakes...and then he gets upset if I defend them..Once he blamed my son for having the side door open all day and the dogs were outside..I had to retrack slowly with a timeline that it was DH fault..

I retreated to my room often and then one day I said screw this I work to pay the mortgage let the kid find someplace to hang out.
I know what its like to keep quiet just to keep a little piece, in fact I just posted about dirty uniforms and it came back to bit me in the butt

MSloan86's picture

Your BF should have straightened SS out on a few things. 1. He asked him to open the door and he decides to debate something that simple? 2. He has no manners or courtesy? Thats the kind of reply I would expect from a 12 year old.

So SS is 20... when is he getting his ass out of your house?

livingontheedge's picture

He can't leave soon enough for me. He just got a job though (finally)so I have a feeling I am stuck with him for a while. And while I understand the right for boyfriend to have and want SS20 in our house I wouldn't mind if he was just respectful and useful. This "kid" has been from our house to his aunts to his moms and now back to our house. His mother dropped him off on our doorstep on Christmas day for similar disrespectfulness episodes to her new husband.

livingontheedge's picture

Haha!! SS20 does not know the meaning of either. Boyfriend and I have talked about having a baby (like a year ago) but know that I see how his son has turned out I don't think I would want to have kids with boyfriend. I have told him time and time again that he and his ex did a good job providing but they seriously lacked when it came to teaching manners. Examples:
When at the dinner table SS20 will reach over others plates to get food instead of asking, just this week I gave an "inservice" at proper dinner etique. He talks over people, never says thank you, excuse me, please. And I blame boyfriend and his ex for this.

secondwife20's picture

with some parents these days? My parents NEVER let me get away with being rude. But here I see guilty dads and idiotic BM's just letting their sweet little angels get away with everything. >:(

doglover1's picture

boy can I identify with that one. HAd the same discussion with DH last nite about that. Everyday when i get home from work..which is after a 13 hour day ( DH works 6 hour day) I like to relax and talk for maybe 5 FRICKIN minutes with my husband.........but NO I cant cus SD8 needs CONSTANT attention!! Whenever we start to talk she interupts and screams DADDDDDDDDDDD!..in a cocky way too. SO Ive had it! I tell him later when she is asleep in her room, that she is disrespectful. ALso i tell him that He is home with skids for 3-4 hours before i get there so they have plenty of time to talk, do homework, etc. Also that when I get home im only looking for 10-15 minutes of uninterupted conversation. Thats not asking much...and furthermore He needs to tell SD to frickin stop being disrespectful!! So he listens...and tells me he wasnt aware that sd was doing that. HUM...Well he knows now. Lets see what happens today. This weekend is our weekend with out skids......but we still have them most of the evening cus BM...has things she needs to do and cant pick up till 6......or maybe later......Like this woman has no job and doesnt have the kids but everyother weekend, and she makes her appts when she does. Sorry for the long rant , I know how ya feel.

livingontheedge's picture

Do you and DH have good weekends without the SK? Do you still get along or do the things from the week fall into the weekends and the fights continue?

doglover1's picture

I really make an effort to let it go for the weekend. We have so little time for ourselves that it would not be in MY best interest to bring anything up. I usually only discuss crap about skids when we have them , after they go to bed.

livingontheedge's picture

because we cant really talk about it when BS's are home or when SS20 is there. God forbid I say something that SS20 might hear and get his feelings hurt. But I was just curious. Boyfriend and I have a weekend away planned for this month and I am going to do my best to forget about all kids involved and try and remember what made me fall in love with boyfriend to begin with, before we intertwined our families. Thanks doglover!

doglover1's picture

Remember to do just that...enjoy your weekend!! Wear a rubber band around your wrist and everytime you want to bring something up...smack your self with it....I guarentee you will not regret it . Also maybe try telling your Bf about crap using email or something. I know the importance of telling the men in our lives just what is bothering us,,,otherwise it would drive me nutso if i didnt

livingontheedge's picture

The email is a good idea! It seems so simple, when boyfriend and I were first dating and before we moved in together we emailed each other all the time. But not so much these days! I think I will write him a nice email today! Thanks!!!