When does the drama ever end with skids and BM? This is probably a ridiculous question but I think I sometimes fool myself into believing that it will.

We have had full custody of SS17 for 4 months now. It seemed like things were getting better than ever. He was picking up after himself and his attitude was generally pretty good. He had finally started to treat me with more respect and it seemed like the tension that always existed between him and me was gone. Life at our house was actually really pleasant with the three of us.

SS17 had refused to visit his mother for over three months after moving in with us. She would yell and harrass him because she wasn't getting child support anymore. Most of the time if she did call, she was drunk. She has been neglectful and abusive of him which is why we have him with us now - for example: she was calling the police to claim he was trying to attack her and get him arrested, she was trying to set her house on fire with him there one time. He finally wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

It seems that she has started behaving much nicer towards him now, all of a sudden within the past few weeks. She says she has a job now and she isn't drunk when she calls. And now all of a sudden, his attitude towards DH and me is declining. It feels like all our hard work is coming unraveled. He is arguing about picking up after himself again and he is starting to be disrespectful toward me, especially when DH is not around. His attitude seems very negative and he acts as though life at our house is pretty pathetic - after DH bought him a car, got him braces, bought him nice clothes. We are very involved and spend a great deal of time with him. He has never been treated so well in his life.

His mother's house is absolutely filthy, she gave him coke and potato chips for dinner - never a cooked meal. She was constantly drunk. She yelled, tried to slap or kick him, called the police and made up outrageous stories... it was grossly negligent and inapporpriate the way that she behaved. (She is bipolar.)

I am feeling very anxious that he could so quickly start to "turn on" DH and me. It is hurtful to DH and I both to have done so much for him yet his loyalty always seems to be with his mother.

I am feeling very nervous about him wanting to meet up with his mom all of a sudden - she is promising him money now, which she has never done before. He is now showing no appreciation for the things he has at our house and a pitiful $50 from his mother seems to mean the world to him.

I am nervous that his mother's behavior will escalate, as it always does, and what kind of damage will be the result. It could be anything from her trying to show up at our house to cause problems or trying to wreck his car. Not to mention the damage it causes when his attitude and level of respect in our house declines so severely when she and he are "getting along".

Any advice to calm my frayed nerves? I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't want this in our lives. The happy vibe in our home is gone at the moment and I resent the control BM has over her son which affects all of our lives.

I want to do right by SS17 and see him grow into a well adjusted happy guy who has a good life and a healthy relationship with DH and me. But when BM is back in the picture, his attitude and behavior gets so bad that I find myself wishing he would move out (I would only admit that to you guys here on StepTalk...)

*** By the way - SS17 did finally get a job after several months of resisting it and he is now working. DH asked him to pay 1/2 of his car insurance, all of his gas and his gym membership. So that he can start to learn responsibility. BM seems to think it is "wrong" of us to do this and is stepping in to "help him out" since we are "mistreating him"... He falls for her manipulative games every single time ***