It's SOOOOOO tempting...
Why am I nice at all to my MIL? Why can't I just tell her to fly a kite and priss off?
OSS has a performance tonight. I sent her the link to the stream. She said thanks and asks if DH and I are going to attend. I said no, we weren't going because of COVID.
Her response?
"Well, at least ET and YSS will be there."
NO WITCH! Wanna know WHY?! Because your precious former DIL couldn't manage to pay her effing light bill IN SPITE OF your SON paying CS (and then some) on time EVERY GD MONTH. That means YSS is staying with us! And it means XDIL probably shouldn't spend gas money to drive 200 miles roundtrip.
Oh, AND precious XDIL hasn't bothered to reach out to him, nor has she reached out to DH to say "hey, lights are back on, so YSS can come back on X date."
Sweet hell, the women around me are fracking pathetic.
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Just wondering - what does
Just wondering - what does stop you from saying, in a fake pleasant voice, "Oh, ACTUALLY - YSS is with us because ET's power was shut off. So he won't be going either. Have fun!"
Respect for my DH's wishes to
Respect for my DH's wishes to not cause drama when it's unnecessary. If I say that, MIL will go and tell ET, and then ET will blow up DH's phone and cuss him out. It's just not worth it and far better for me to just come here and vent it out to move on.
I did, a few years ago, offer a very matter-of-fact explanation as to why DH and I weren't at things (hint: because ET didn't inform DH, and the school was bad about not updating their website with info). MIL very sheepishly backed out of that conversation, and that was the last time I entertained a phone call with her that wasn't "is everything okay?" and "DH will call you back".
I don't ever really interact with MIL. Holidays for her to see the boys, and the occasional (like, 3-4 times a year) text message with information about performances, etc. I have no real relationship with her, and I have no want for a relationship with her. I just try to be nice, but get burned almost every time I try.
I guess now I'll add "not forwarding concert info" to my list of "things I won't be doing for MIL".
Makes sense. No one needs
Makes sense. No one needs drama.
I havent read your former blogs...
I havent read your former blogs so please forgive me if I am missing the boat. I do this, too, speak well of the former inlaws, no matter what my private opinion is. Come to think of it, I never mention them to the new wife or husband. I don't bring them up at all but if the topic comes up, I express a positive remark to the gkids, usually backing up whatever the ex has said or is doing.
My in law policy is based on what I saw my grandmother do. Her son, my father, was killed WW2. They treated my mother like their daughter and when she remarried, treated the new husband like a beloved son-in-law and her kids like gkids. He wasn't the easiest personality to be around but I saw her go out of her way to welcome and entertain him. Of course, this all eased them seeing me quite a bit. I know what her private opinion was, she slipped up in later life one time, but he never knew it and neither did my mom. I credit good relations with all inlaws, current and ex, to her. I learned at the master's knee. Lol.
I can appreciate ILs being
I can appreciate ILs being respectful to their former DIL/SIL. If she were merely polite, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I expect, for family politics, for people to keep opinions to themselves, especially when kids are involved.
My MIL, though, is VERY enmeshed with ET and has caused issues between ET and DH in the past. If ET and MIL got into a fight, all of a sudden DH was kept from the kids. If ET and MIL were getting along, ET would give MIL extra time with the kids and count that against DH. ET would complain that DH wouldn't pay for something, so MIL would pay for it and chew out DH later for not paying, only to find out that DH either was never asked OR had a specific reason why he didn't pay for it. MIL would also try to act as DH's "proxy", so ET would share info with her instead of DH, and then DH would never get the message and ET would be peeved.
It has been a lot of MIL inserting herself with ET and ET Sr. The three of them seem to think that men are useless as parents, yet all of them ruined their own marriages and can't manage to live independent of men's help. It's an awful lesson that they teach the boys, and DH and I have really put up boundaries with MIL. DH's general response is, if MIL wants to be thick as thieves with ET, then she can rely on ET for access to the boys. I'm only slightly nicer by at least keeping her informed of public events for the boys, but now it seems I may stop doing that, too.
While her comment seems politically neutral, it was meant to be a passive-aggressive jab at DH for not "being involved" as she feels he should. It's not the first time she has made similar remarks.
I understand
I see where you are coming. She is way too involved, way too much and in a way that is bad for her own son. I get it
Ugh. Whenever SO's mom would
Ugh. Whenever SO's mom would tell me how great of a mother BM2 was (she's little more than an egg donor) i would just smile and nod and say "Yes, i've heard all about what kind of mother she is." You can't argue with crazy. Let them have each other.
Gotta love being treated like
Gotta love being treated like you're being an asshole for having your life together. I swear these in laws and BMs act as though we're TRYING to make BM look bad by having our lives together and being mentally and emotionally stable. Seriously stop taking it personally that we aren't failures.