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learningallthetime's picture

Submitted by learningallthetime on Mon, 05/06/2013 - 6:51am

Hi,

I was a member a few years ago (I think my name was just4me) - I had 4 stepkids, 2 BMS and my BS with exSO. As you can see, he is now exSO. We split a year ago.

I have come back as I often found the stories interesting, and I am still trying to see the other perspective. My exSO moved a 20 yo in 3 days after I left (he is 48) and I am having quite a few problems with her. My exSO and I both handle our BS6 well - we do not have a custody agreement, I have a moving schedule so we work out a roughly 50:50 as we go. I am so much happier not with my ex, and wonder why I was ever with him, but live and learn right?

My main issue right now is his new-GF. Initially it was hard for me not to be emotional, as it was so quick (3 days and she is living there). It was hard as I had no stability in the new situation with my son. Once things settled I have tried my best to ignore her. Big issues come in that she monitors all the communication, and will respond FOR him. One time, he and I had agreed a tentative schedule, and I texted once my hours were concerned. She responded for him saying "no, you can just have BS6 EOW, it's easier". Luckily I knew this was nothing like we arranged and called a few hours later and sorted it with ex. It actually amuses me as she hates me talking to him, yet has made it so I can only really deal with him face-to-face or talking on the phone! I think a lot of the problems come with her age - it seems she is convinced the world revolves around her, and my every action is apparently directed at her. I have been accused of all kinds of things, but just ignore most of the time (although occasionally I will lose it).

So, I am here hoping to help others with 6+ years of step hell, and perhaps to give a view of someone who was a SM and is now the BM. One thing I will say, my life is 1000x better. the new GF has been spun a tale regarding how terrible I was (it did get bad, he was passive aggressive and I was not happy), how he was just with me because I got pregnant - stories I am sure a lot of you are familiar with! I am also jealous and want him back. None of this is true, but if it makes him and her feel better, whatever. I spend nearly every day waiting for the ball to drop and her figure out that he uses everyone to mooch for money (I lost over $100K).

Comments

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 05/06/2013 - 7:27am

Welcome back. I am sure there will be plenty of good stuff here that you can use as you battle from the other side of the blended family fence.

I assume you are the custodial parent that that 50/50 is just how it lays out on the calendar.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Mon, 05/06/2013 - 7:37am

Why would a 20 year old WANT a 48 year old with 5 kids and 3 mommas? Something has to be wrong with her.

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Mon, 05/06/2013 - 8:14am

That new gf won't last long, not at that age. If I were you I'd get to court though and get a parenting plan in place, that gf sounds like a lose canon and you don't want to lose your child to a freaky gf and exso. I am grateful that my dh don't have a child together and grateful my xh doesn't have a steady gf. Our bm is basically MIA as a mom and so the only one I had to deal with was my dh's xgf from btw divorce and me entering picture. She had a hard time letting go of ss16. but the day dh and I got married she left town. Gf's can be worse the bms sometimes Sad Glad you're back!

learningallthetime's picture

Submitted by learningallthetime on Mon, 05/06/2013 - 1:09pm

Thanks for the replies! I always tried to stay out the way of the BM's as the SM, so just my luck I get a crazy SM! She actually believes the stories, none of us can figure out how she is not seeing through it. He is in a horrible place financially, far worse than when I met him, and has no children with him, so not sure why she is staying?! She met him on sugardaddy (while he was several years unemployed) so I think she is just young, stupid and not enough experience in life to see through the BS. I think she wants to believe the stories she fell for rather than the truth she is stuck with!

He is now blaming BM2 for his nearly 14 yo daughter turning, and cannot see that maybe, just maybe, she is having problems due to him. She was caught online chatting with anonymous men double her age....errrr, I wonder where she learned that! I mean, my 6yo talks about all his 20yo GF does is play video games, I can only imagine how the older kids (like his son who turns 19 next month) feel! It is sad that he cannot see the effect on the children, but I learned long ago in his mind he can do no wrong, he is god, and everyone who says anything about him is evil. I just am grateful I got away - for those of you who think you have to stay - I was a full time student, and legally cannot work in the USA...I got out and have survived. People helped me, I figured out how to help myself and now i am graduating this week with honors and a job lined up. No matter how hard it is (and I was believing his lies I was nothing without him) you can do it if you need to. Yes, it is hard, yes, I wish I had the $100K I lost, but no, I would never go back!