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Some beacon of hope

Lady.Tremaine's picture

So last weekend went off awesome. BM does not have a bath at her home so I got the kids bath bombs and they loved it. Both were gracious and in a great mood all weekend.

We visited DHs family for a bit and went home where we watched space jam 2 ( which was awful) but we had an amazing time. My DH took pictures of us dancing around when the movie got boring as I wore my parody bugs bunny kigurimi ( basically large saggy pajamas )

Besides the kids deciding that I needed to eat carrots which I made them as well because healthy snack, it was a great time. They both declared me the best step mom ever. They talked to me about anything and everything as the movie was boring even to a 6 and 8 year old. 

I am very afraid everything will backfire. 

But on a positive/negative ask for advice : I have a lot of Disney points from a credit card. I was initially saving them up to take us , the stepkids, his sister bil and dad , and my mother to Disney. We live a little over an hour away so we'd get a vacation home etc to do so. With my mother's recovery being very long term to the point that even if she fully recovered my points will expire I approached DH about just taking the kids to animal kingdom ( they only ever go to magic kingdom with their mom , my husband hates Disney but likes the concept of kids learning things) and with the extra points just grabbing food. I would not have DHs family as honestly if my mom isn't there the idea sucks. They aren't bad folks but the original idea was just for some of my family to meet his. 

Would I be a jerk to just have a small trip with the kids without his family? I did bring it up to my sister in law a long time ago as it would be good for the kids to spend more time with them I just really don't want to manage them on top of the kids without the support of my disneycentric mom. I hope someday I can have a trip there with her but we don't even know if she'll fully regain speech again. Or movement. 



The_Upgrade's picture

I don't think you owe his extended family a trip to Disney or anywhere really. If it works then great, if it doesn't then stiff. They can take their own kids. I'm in Australia and DH has family scattered across a few states. The messed up thing about Australia is that pre Covid it was cheaper to get flights to Bali than cross country and cheaper to rent a villa than a hotel in Australia. We spoke many times about the whole family flying out to Bali for a special holiday. But times change. I doubt that we'll all simultaneously be free from lockdown and be able to arrange leave from our jobs at the same time. The moment I get the green light to fly, i'm outta there! Circumstances change, finances change, plans change. It's more important for me to have family alone time than to run around juggling kids from 4 different households.

Zenmode's picture

As a late in life Disney centric mom (now grandma) I imagine that's hard for you in and of itself. That said, nope you don't owe them anything. Polite people wouldn't ask why they weren't included and it always surprises me when people put others on the hot seat over things I would just say that "after all we've been through ( COVID- mom) we felt we really needed a fun little getaway with just us" 

On the flip side if SIL was reaaaaaaally that interested in going it would have already been a conversation on at least plannning it. (At least for me it would be lol I would be bugging the crap out of you about this .....I mean hello DISNEY!!!!)  That's been my experience anyways. Lack of interest usually is a sign that yea, who wouldn't want to tag along on a mostly all expense paid vacation...... as long as they don't need to put any effort into it, including even asking if it was still on the future itinerary. Use your points on those that it will matter to or that you get enjoyment from using them on. I've found many people accept "help" or offers because that's just the way they are. (Not saying your sil is that way) then they just kinda kick back and let the person who is really into it do all the heavy lifting. 

Livingoutloud's picture

There is zero obligation for people to be taking extended family anywhere let alone expensive trips regardless if you have credit cards points or pay cash. . 

Winterglow's picture

"Would I be a jerk to just have a small trip with the kids without his family?"

You're kidding, right? You owe them absolutely nothing and definitely not an all expenses paid holiday! They can meet youir family some other time - if they were so motivated to do so, they'd have found a way of doing so - coffee, dinner, etc. Go and have a blast at Animal Kingdom, don't you think you've deserved it?

BTW, you were a huge hit with the skid because you weren't trying, you were just being you  Smile

I hope your mother makes a speedier recovery than you expect! 

MissK03's picture

Don't feel obligated to take on everyone. Times and situations have changed.

Hoping your mom gets well soon!