Enjoying the ride or about to hit a drop
First off my apologies for not being the best replying to comments. Most of the time I just don't know what to say besides " I agree" so I just like comments. This will be different
So I did book our mini vacation with the step kids. We are keeping it as a slight Surprise. I got a off property resort with two bedrooms ( I don't know how comfortable I'd be in a regular hotel room with them. Even for this long of a time when we stayed out here we stayed at suites or Airbnb). I digress.
My not even an issue but a concern is the kids relationship with their mother's love life.
So no one has to backtrack years on a blog - I knew my DH had kids. He and I got together and he slowly moved into my studio. He would see his kids on Sundays. We were working to the point of me meeting he is eldest who was 3 or 4 at the time. BM randomly decided to move them 1000 miles away with a few weeks notice so he did have eldest SD over to my place to meet her as dad's friend. This did not sit well with BM who then demanded to meet me. As in go with him for one of the Sunday visits. TLDR she met me. Invited her sister over to gawk at me like a zoo animal and texted my now husband that he was a pedophile. Which I would not have known about had I not snooped through his phone once.
Jesus long way to make a long story long. Point being she gave us a lot shit. Now she has a date which she told the kids she has a date. Ok. Well then apparently they met him ? And he told youngest she's cute ? Yes the kids are way older but why is this piece of work telling them about adult things without commitment? Maybe I'm old fashioned but I'm more on edge about gentlemen callers vs female "friends"
I have a lot of resentment about that period of time where I'd have to sleep alone on trips because DH had to emulate what they were used to with BM ( fun fact - kids didn't cosleep at all til DH moved out and will do so at their moms)
I guess the question here is I know I can't police BM even ironically. But part of me is torn because I love those girls and honestly BM well... She's close to 50 with an adult son in her house and two grade schoolers. The fact that they both saw him freaks me out a bit.
Too long - how do I stay protective without seeming like a total ass like BM did?
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Comments
You don't. Skids met BM's new
You don't. Skids met BM's new love interest well before you thought it was appropriate, but this is "her house, her rules" territory. Start repeating the serenity prayer... "God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference." This is one of those "cannot change" scenarios.
I know it's hard, especially when BM raised holy hell when you and DH got together and put roadblocks in the way to interfere with your relationship. Honestly though, part of that was your DH's fault for caving to BM's demands and not standing his ground surrounding your relationship and your involvement with skids. It seems only fair to want BM to have to jump through the same hoops you did, but it isnt worth it and it will come back to bite you. Also, if you act like you care, BM will rub your nose in it more. With any luck, this relationship will fizzle out and that will be that.
Which means op’s house is her rules
Bio mum doesn't get to dictate or make conditions she and her siblings get to interrogate her exhusbands new spouse or love interest.
frankly even my husband would never agree to this ridiculous rule. Its all about control from bio mum and you can be damn sure it won't ever be replicated in her situation because they are always above the law!!
It's definitely a fair
It's definitely a fair statement that DH put me in a weird scenario. We definitely do not act like we care in front of the kids and I frankly do not talk to BM.
We'll see how it goes. I do think I'm a little freaked out about a strange man around the kids just for the fact that there's a looot of weirdos out there.
First and foremost, you have
First and foremost, you have to accept that how you met BM was wackadoodle and your DH was a spineless guppy for allowing it to happen. BM's request should have been met with "no, I am their parent, too, and will keep them protected; you won't be meeting Lady."
That aside, I can tell you from personal experience that you can't make the feeling go away nor will it go away if you meet the suitors. Meeting them will either confirm your thoughts about them or make you suspicious that they're hiding something.
Best you can do is look up her BFs for a criminal history and see if they are on the sex offender registry. We didn't discover that ET had been dating a rapist at one point until after the fact, and now DH does a sweep of the internet for any partner he finds out about. It's more thorough than any meet and greet would be.