To finally make a plan and leave.  Ive been looking at divorce websites all weekend.

Worst days ever, and same fight cycles, i just dont think i can tolerate it any longer.

So much happened the last few days.

His attitude has been horrible, his new word is psycho, and he has been on me about my clothes, decisions everything.

I cant explain everything, but here is the time line:

Tuesday we go fishing- we get back late afternoon, we question ss14 about hw. Dh goes in and out grilling, leaving me to follow up.  Ss talk some BS, so i cant follow and tell him to bring it ALL down so i can look at it. His attitude changes- he becomes a smart ass, rolls his eyes, tries to walk away while im asking him about worksheets, then i start yelling- he laughs at me. Dh comes in and welp gets on me about yelling at him.   

Wednesday-  i go to see family- not here for hw- ss14 has baseball- i go to the field, dh wont look or talk to me basically tells me to leave- not out right of course.

Thursday- dh asks me to check on ss14 because he will be home late and wants to go with me to cheer(for baby girl-free thing)  i see where ss is at- he still has attitude with me tells me "why look at my hw, noone is forcing you to, so stay out of it"   so i ask about gym- he already had gym again NO uniform he has a D because wont where uniform- so i tell him to go get baseball uniform- ill hold it till he finds gym uniform- he has had 4 gym classes and no uniform- he tells me "you cant take it, my daddy bought it with his money, you need to check with him- its ALL his money" so i repeat he has till 450pm to find uniform or im holding the other uniform.  He stomps up to room. I text DH. Lil brat falls asleep! I wake him up take baseball uniform. Dh and i leave for cheer- he stone walls me, only convo- him telling me cheer thing is dumb. I make terrible plans, cant believe im doing this to our daughter! Uh noone asked him to tag along. Ss probably called MIL while we were out- telling her how horrible i am. He found his gym uniform!

Friday- trying to get over it- dh calls me- flat tone- finally tells me MIL called and asked to get ss14. He told her he did not care, what my opinion- i said " i do not have an opinion you already answered."  He then yells at me "explain to ME why HE cannot go" i say " no i wont, you made a decision"  gets more angry fine ill call her and tell her he cant go! Great still my fault- i did not say no or give answer but im the bad guy anyway, because I USED TO ANSWER!! So i try calling MIL, she wont answer, i text her, im not sure why i care, or why im hurt by it, she is two faced and her lil grand baby is being told to finish hw by evil stepmom, and now she cant SAVE him.

Friday night- crap, he basically was upset his 14 year old baby was upset.  We made dinner ss14 refused to eat. He comes down at 9pm and eats a pb&j.  Dh just avoids me and im fine by that.

Saturday- he guilts me going to baseball game...so i go...i dont want to but i go, i figured maybe we could talk in the car camly or something hash it out.  Dh comes to me and says "we cant find his hat." I said i threw it in closet, because i had cleaned off table for my therapist. Him "no not that one. That one was borrowed. His other hat." Me nope...(in front of his son) "did you TAKE his hat out of HIS room?" Me no.....but im so angry at that question, the accusation!! Why the eff would i waste my time taking his hat? The teen loses his stuff enough wothout my help!! But i hold it in because ive already been told so many times this week I WANT TO START FIGHTS!!!!

Not much talking on that cartrip.

Then after game we all get in car- ss14 "whats for dinner?" Dh i dont know. Ss14 "i hope something its ANNOYING eating a pb&j EVERYDAY."  (Im so irritated by this comment, but again say nothing.

We get back, dh goes to work on plumbing- im watching cartoons with baby girl- now this is my eff up- i usually am not on phone around dh- ***did not send text*** was in my moms text(sometimes i write stuff on phone to remember later, or blog on here, but ill have to do this in memo from now on) well i did not hear dh walk up, he saw me writing a bunch...he is like what are you writing?  Give it to me, im like ok but warning we will fight. He snatches phone. Well what i wrote was harsh "must suck to be annoyed with your own lazy self. I explained about ss making himself pb&js, refusing dinner, eating another one...tons of food if he was not so lazy to look in fridge...idiot.... so he was pissed.  Rightly so. 

He also had no idea i was not sending it. But its assumed i was sending it to my mother.  So he is like she feeds your bullshit huh?

Nothing i can do or say. He is invited to his friends- im not going there(because of other reasons) later he gets ready- wont talk to me packs up baby girls stuff, then gets BOTH sets of keys. So i say something about. Why do you need both sets?  Him "what do you need keys for your staying here, you want to drive around and eff the whole neighborhood?"

I ignore it and ask again.

He switches up now he WANTS me to go eat. I go eat- again stone walled- very uncomfortable- then he drops me off- i ask for my keys. He throws them at me. Then he comes inside to yell at me about my keys, asking again who im going to go eff....finally he leaves.

I CRY AND CRY, call my good friend, and she calms me down, tells me to start  planning and figuring things out. But also just is there for me.

Sunday morning- he comes in telling me he is forgiving me. We all make mistakes. He wanys to put it behind us, and wants me to come back over to his friends house... im just laying there starring at the ceiling letting him talk at me.

He goes on half apologizing for me, while putting me down. Then he is like " im worried about you, your just laying there not saying anything, you ok? Should i call a psyhic ward/hospital?"  Uhhh wtf?!  I dont want to see you like this get up come over- ill see how i feel- no effing way im going anywhere!!  Im so CRAZY and your worried, but you leave me with a 3year old and your kid that i hate?! What?!

Im not going there, im not going anywhere, im drained, im tired, i feel awful.... im just done...just done...

Now he is back and is putting on me "spending time together" i dont want to be near his fake mood switching ass.

*through out week- i have had to hear about my clothes- im crazy- and i hate him and his son- i just want my own place!! So i can  BREATH!!!