Sometimes I feel like Cassandra or Chicken Little, over here seeing warning signs that no one else can (or will).

For as long as I've known him, SS13 has been sneaky. He lies. He gets upset when he doesn't get his way. He's not rotten or malicious, but he's 100% self-centered and thoughtless.

As I blogged before, I'm disengaging from everything that doesn't directly impact me, my property or my dogs. Better for my marriage and my stress.

DH is frustrating. He will often see or admit to problems, but he's ineffective when addressing them. Often, he doesn't know how to handle it or doesn't feel like dealing with it. Sometimes, he gets triggered and overidentifies and gets defensive.

BM and her parents spoil SS materially (one thing DH never does), give into him in everything. She rarely, if ever, puts consequences in place. When DH does punish SS, it doesn't have any impact because he knows in a few days, he'll be back at Disney BM's.

For years we've had a "no food or drink" in your room rule. He has regularly violated it. Multiple times. If he could be trusted, I'd have no issue with food up there. But I have no faith he would clean up messes or dispose of waste.

We also have a rule that all electronics get handed over at bedtime. DH is clueless. More than once, SS has snuck something in or kept something overnight, figuring DH won't notice. He generally doesn't.

Attitude has been a big issue (one that's never corrected -- he doesn't speak to me at all, but I would absolutely call him out on it).

So, yesterday, SS got home from the gym (BM is a member and on non-baseball days, he rides the bus to her house, then she drops him off in time for him to clean up before dinner). Before he went upstairs, DH told him to gather his dirty clothes and towels and bring them down after his shower. He went into detail: everything in the bathroom, under the bed, make sure your baseball uniform is in there.

SS brought down his hamper -- with about six clothing items, all of which were brand new and clean.

DH: What is this?

SS: My laundry.

DH: This is it? These are clean.

SS: They were on the floor.

DH: After I gave them to you on Monday and told you to hang them up? I see. So where's your uniform?

SS glares.

DH: You have a game tomorrow. Think you might need it?

Shrug.

DH ordered him to go back upstairs and do as he was told. Took him 20 minutes, probably because he was upset.

Anyway, he went up to bed right after eating and put his devices in the hall.

SS's bedroom window is on the side of the house, visible from the side of the backyard and lately he's been leaving his blinds pulled up. The TV is visible. Later, DH took the dogs outside (little dog needs supervision) and came back in.

DH: SS's tv is on.

Me: Oh?

DH: Are his electronics in the hall?

Me: No clue.

I went up with him and there they were. But the controls he put out for his PS5 were not the only ones he has.

DH: Well, it's all here.

Me: uh, he has a game controller.

DH went downstairs, collected himself, then went back up and made SS unplug his system and hand it all over, to be returned when he goes to BM's. The PS wasn't supposed to come over this week at all -- DH told BM that -- but when he picked up SS Sunday, there it was and he didn't feel like dealing with it. Said he'd just make sure he got it at night. Well, shocker: SS was tricking DH and keeping the key components so he could continue gaming.

Dh is furious about it all, but I'm just sitting over here thinking: Why are you surprised? You rarely really enforce things. He's disrespectful to a teacher with no consequence. He lies all the damn time and you don't bother to check up on him. Even when you do make the effort, BM undoes it.

It's chocolate bars and video games now. How long does he expect this to last? Thing is, I saw all this coming.

I would take all electronic devices and make him earn them back. Have him write an apology note to the teacher. Tell BM no more gym trips on our weeks for the foreseeable future. Create a detailed and extensive chore list. And so on.

None of that will happen. Not even close.