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kkoenig1028's picture

Submitted by kkoenig1028 on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 8:11pm

Is there anyone else out there who just hates the person they become when their Step Child is around??
I love my SS, but my previous blog about not being able to separate the feelings i have for his BM and him make it hard to enjoy his company. I hate that i cant fix that because it is not his fault that his BM is who she is. He didn't make that choice, so why do i feel the overwhelming amount of stress and irritation when he is here??
I try so hard to just keep my cool and allow a little patience with him but I resent him and I am pretty sure it is because of my feelings towards his BM. I don't want it to be that way, but i have tried everything and all I find myself doing the same thing every weekend. I just yell and get impatient and i am just super anxious waiting for the moment he does something wrong to just yell. I know a lot this is just built up tension towards BM and wanting to scream at her....but it is not fair to SS, or MY kids because then i am just not myself and that is just not fair. I am at a loss of what to do.

Comments

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 8:50pm

I'm sorry, I can't help you here because I haven't actually been around SS so I don't know. But I can tell you I didn't like the person I became when we used to talk about BM. I would feel like I was trying for the good of SS but all FDH wanted was to fight, which made me resent everyone and everything, and I would yell at FDH when we'd blow up.

Thankfully, we read up on how to communicate better and to voice our feelings, and to listen to eachother and now it's not bad at all. I think it is important for your DH to support you and listen to your feelings without judging you. I know just being able to talk to FDH helped a lot. He would say, even if I can't make it better, I will try, and share the burden with you.

I wish you luck!

bi's picture

Submitted by bi on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 9:04pm

i never liked the way i was when sd was around, either. it had nothing to do with bm, it was all sd. i was impatient, irritable, crabby, annoyed, felt ready to snap at any second. i hated that she could bring out those awful feelings in me. i was even impatient and irritable with my own kids when she was around which made me even angrier. they didn't deserve that just because of everything she did to upset me. any time she left, i felt like i lost 80 lbs.

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

Submitted by Anonymous_stepmom on Wed, 02/29/2012 - 1:49am

When they use to come to my home I use to close myself off, I'd hide in my room the whole time cause I did not want to listen to their whining and bickering and fighting, and then have to listen to SO yell at them every 2 minutes to behave themselves. I guess I didn't hate who I had become but hated the fact I felt like I was driven away to hide from it all.