For all of you/us dealing with the dreaded adult Skid dilemma, I had the most eye-opening weekend ever.

Allow me to preface by saying that my OWN BD just graduated from high school, she is going away to college to play sports. She's just never been any problem to me in any way.

She went away for a WHOLE week with friends (senior tradition), and I was just a sobbing mess. This is the FIRST time I've been away from her for so long, at least while she is unsupervised. Of course, I want her to have fun, but all the wonderful memories of that happy little girl keep going thru my head, and I now have to accept the fact that she IS a grown woman and, although I know she loves me, she just ISN'T my "little girl" anymore. She just doesn't need me as she used to (I guess I did something right!! Plus, her own dad has been in the picture so, even tho we aren't all together, she's had BOTH our support.)

My H was somewhat shocked to see me so upset over this. And, of course he still thinks that somehow his Ds and I are going to just magically BOND (after 7 years??) and all will be wonderful in the world.

No way. Any chance I have to spend with MY D anymore will be MY chance to do so. He can go spend time with his Ds. I told him straight out that I just don't have that "warm, fuzzy feeling" about his Ds as I have toward my own. When I met his Ds, they were already ADULTS. I had nothing to do with their rearing, with the way they were taught to BEHAVE. I don't feel anything "maternal" toward them.

I think he finally GOT it. Just as I never expected him to be a "dad" to my D, I have no intention of being a "mom" to women who, quite frankly, are pushing middle age!! They have a MOM. She hates my H with a passion (left him for a younger man, when the girls were teens, no less), and although I feel badly that this was their fate, I was not present and I only know half the story (my H's). BTW, his Ds now DO get along with their mom.

To sum it up, anytime my H has something to do with his Ds, I'll make plans with MY OWN D. Time flies by SO QUICKLY, and I plan to cherish every SECOND I get to spend with her from now on. Disengaging/detaching from this situation has become so easy now; why should I spend time with his Ds who hated me from day one when I can do stuff with my OWN "adult" child?

And, he has no rebuttal. I'm not "rejecting" his "kids"; I'm simply enjoying my OWN. He and I can still make plans TOGETHER as we are "empty nesters" now, but making plans with his "kids" is no longer an option for me.

Hang in there, all of you dealing with adult skids. It DOES manage to work out one way or another.