I wish more of these BM were sane as well. Like you I would like for all of us to get along, be civil and raise the kids in a nonhostile environment where they get the love and support they need and deserve from all parties. Unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out that way and we have to play the hand we are dealt as best we can which you seem to be doing to the best of your ability.

That's great! Do you feel comfortable going with them? Our BM switches her mood so often it makes me dizzy. One minute, we're "all family" then the next she's battling with DH over common sense things or she's talking crap about us to SD. Why didn't I get a sane BM?

One would think that a BM would be glad that their child had another person that cared about them and wanted to raise them up to be successes. (eye roll... because they often don't).  I mean, another person that the duties of parenting and caring for the child can be shared with which would lighten your load?  That your kid actually has a SM that likes them and isn't mean and spitefull?  Yeah.. sounds whacko that so many biomoms can't see past their resentment, bitterness and jealousy to understand that the other woman is not their enemy (unless they were the cheating ho that stole their husband.. those bm's get a break in my mind..lol).

I was perfectly open to being friendly and having a decent relationship with my DH's EX.  Over time though, her actions killed any chance of that happening.  Now, I just avoid and ignore since we don't see or hear from her since the girls turned 18.... and we are no longer sources of money.

I'm not saying that BMs and SM's need to be buddies.. but gosh.. couldn't we at least be civil and cordial? sheesh.

Why does it have to be a competition?  Why do you hate us when we had nothing to do with the end of your marriage?  I get the feeling that part of the problem is that the first relationships died for a reason.. one or both parties had flaws that made it impossible to keep it together.  Maybe the fact that BM was crazy was that problem. 

That sounds amazing!!! One of my best friends has that type of relationship with her son's SM. It's amazing how much better off and less confused that kid is becuase they work so well together.

Meanwhile BM is trying to PAS the kids from me... Not even DH, just me. Weekend one: She's the better driver (I'd like her to tell that to our driving records...) and I put my body spray on wrong (I don't even this that's actually possible...). Weekend two: I will "never be anyone's real mom." so they "aren't allowed" to call me mom. She's a real pain the arse.

Cheers to your relationship with your DD's Sm being so calm and friendly!!! That's the ideal for the sake of the kid (and the adult's sanity).