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A life well lived

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 11:38am

I just commented on Ashleytenorio's post and it struck me. A life well lived... that truly is the best revenge on these bitter BM's. 

I know we have a major financial situation that should never have hit us, but even if we have to pay it all, it will be over in a year and half if we just keep paying what we are now. It could be worse. We aren't struggling, we just would prefer to take BM off the payroll. 

I have 2 healthy, smart, motivated bios that are doing great things. SS23 has come so freaking far! I am so proud of him. I want to burst with love and happiness for my 3 kids.

I love my husband so much! He is my best friend in every way. He is my calm place, my comfort, my peace. 

We have a gorgeous home. We have 4 vehicles (one for each driver). We take great trips. Fun adventures. We have a life filled with happiness. 

BM2 is literally the only thing in our life that isn't great. At the end of the day- it's almost over no matter what happens- settlement, court, payout-whatever happens. We will make it through this. We win. We have a wonderful marriage and life. She will always be a miserable swine of a human. 

We win. 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 11:58am

I applaud you for your perspective.  Positivity is a huge thing.  I let BM into my head for far too long, you know how it is, we can't help stressing about someone affecting our lives so deeply.  In the middle of the struggle, it's hard to realize that period will end, like everything. After so many years worrying about BM and all the step issues, here we are on the other side.  The "kids" (50-60 yo) are launched tho SD is still  a problem.  But every family has at least one "problem", it's just part of life.  DH and I are enjoying our kid-free time together here in our little nest.  Life is good.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 12:10pm

For now, SS18 is alienated and not a factor in my life. I even told DH yesterday that I have no problem with him having a relationship with his son one day, but I won't forgive and forget easily. My peace is checking out of all of that. Not interested in allowing him any space in my head or heart. 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 12:51pm

She will always be a miserable swine of a human.

That describes my SD's mother, as well. Thirty years since she and DH split and nothing has changed in BM's life, except husbands (on her 6th divorce). She still struggles in all aspects of life.

DH and I, however, are doing great. I know she hates that!

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 1:03pm

You have the right mindset!!

 

 I once told the Mr that his ex-wife was miserable because she never tried to be happy. She was always holding a grudge or hunting for a grudge to hold and spending her energy being mad at someone...anyone. She never felt happy because she never looked for happy. Yes she took him to the cleaners divorce wise but we live our days happily and she's still miserable. We fix our issues when they happen because we don't let it bleed into our happiness and we use our time doing what we love with who we love. We are blessed.

 

You know your happy and savor your happy. You are blessed.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 1:38pm

And Im no longer sucking on the sour grapes.

Toxic Troll will always be Toxic Troll...

Meanwhile we are living our happy lives without drama and looking forward to the next Mandalorian...

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sat, 04/08/2023 - 10:36am

This is the way.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 4:53pm

Love your mindset. I'm doing the same these days. Well, for several years now.

I could care less what DHs kids are doing unless it will impact me personally. I am living MY life. And when I reflect on it, it's a good one. At 61, I'm healthy physically and mentally, I have several hobbies / crafts I get much pleasure from, my bio kids are well and the best, DH and I are doing great.  We talked about this exact thing yesterday....how we have endured so much trouble and heartache in our first 12 years. We plan to spend the rest of our years enjoying each other and putting good into the world.

CastleJJ's picture

Submitted by CastleJJ on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 11:24pm

I love your mindset. I have struggled with this idea for several years now. While I am very thankful for the life I have - great DH of 10 years, DD1, a beautiful house, a successful career, financial stability (kind of), I still end up feeling insecure and inferior compared to BM and GF. I am not sure if it is because they have SS full time and I miss that opportunity or if it is because BM has abused DH and I into believing we are "less than." I know that life isn't a competition and that BM/GF and us are on level or close playing fields as far as accomplishments and life status goes, but I always end up feeling like trailer trash compared to her. Which I know I shouldn't because BM and GF have some seriously effed up immediate and extended family dynamics and they aren't perfect in any way. It is all crazy toxic. I definitely don't want to be her and yet I still subconsciously envy her for some reason. Maybe it's the control that she has over our life that I want back. Maybe it's the money we fork out in CS. Maybe it's that I hate that I can't change the "deadbeat Dad" narrative she has spread to everyone she knows. Who knows. 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 11:45pm

I suffered from envying BM, too, altho rationally I could see she had a sad family background, little education, no job skills and limited coping skills.  But, she was attractive and had a good personality.  I had DH, a nice home and many other advantages.

I finally realized I envied the time she'd had with DH and the 3 kids.  Nothing could erase that history tho both she and he had moved on.  I was always afraid that he might go back to her for the kids' sake altho in reality she had a new partner and was pregnant.

Emotions aren't rational.