Being a little stalkery
Sooo... I miiigghht have a stalker FB account that I have used to see what goes on with SS and to track down things like where BM works- even though it didn't matter in the end.
Anyway, that was how we saw some of SS's graduation pictures, which was cool. We also could see when he played football and basketball. His SF has me blocked but doesn't know how to make his account private... until after court this last time. They found out that it was BM's husband's account that told on her working. So now he is locked down.
I was really hoping that I would see pic of SS moving into college to be able to show DH. Especially considering he is funding the SS's first 2 years of school... But no.
I have a draft email saved to DH but I don't even know if I should say anything or just let sleeping dogs lie. Part of me want to tell him that I think he should message SS and ask for pictures of moving day. When SS doesn't respond I think he should send him a shitty message about the fact that he should just remember which parent is actually providing his college education. But that's me in all my feelings. Whether or not DH does message is up to him entirely but I don't want to hurt him by bringing SS up. I don't know. Voice it.. shut up? Does it matter either way?
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Down Low
I also have a downlow account on social media.
I saw a lot of stuff. And then I think I mentioned something, and of course word got out. SD17 Powersulk CPS maybey? Who knows, but it was way after I stopped using it.
I can still see stuff from Feral Forger, but no interactions.
I would keep quiet. It seems to stir the pot for me, and cause sadness and issues.
You're right, I think when DH
You're right, I think when DH get's ignored again- even though he is paying for college!- I would wind up being the one pissed off and angry and sad all over again. It's not worth it.
Another vote to let the dogs
Another vote to let the dogs sleep. If he wanted to, he would. I can see some interest in the morbid curiosity of their lives.. since they have made yours and your DH's so difficult.. but at this point.. it is pretty much up to your DH what and if he ever wants to try to contact his son. any reminder from you will only focus negativity in your directions..so mum is the word.
DH is just heartbroken and
DH is just heartbroken and really compartmentalized his entire situation with SS. It's the only way he can cope.
The pain
Will lessen over time. Chef is 99.9% over his three POS.
Let it go
The kid and toxic C you next Tuesday Bi$& Face will know they still have power if your husband asks for anything.
Hopefully one day authentic interactions will occur of the healing type. Until then - Let it go!
Good point. And I think there
Good point. And I think there is a lot of healing that needs to be done at this point before authenitc interactions happen on our part. I know I am no where near ready to forgive.
I snoop on Little Idiot but I
I snoop on Little Idiot but I don't ever say anything to DH anymore. Mostly because he never reacts the way a sane person would. For example...
Me: DH, LI posted a video of her shooting an adorable little kitten in the face with a assault rifle
DH: Well clearly the kitten must have been terrorizing the entire city. She probably saved lives. We should have a statue commissioned in honor of her bravery.
See what I mean? Life is much more peaceful when you don't say anything unless you absolutely have to. You can always keep and eye on things for yourself but in my experience it never pays to bring up the skids. I always end up banging my head on the wall.
Aside from that... I totally get why you'd be angry. Having to pay for the ungrateful brat's college would irritate me to no end. I'd be the type to flat out say if/when DH mentioned him "Don't talk to me about him. He's ungrateful and I'm resentful household money has to go to funding his college. You do what you want but he's caused nothing but problems here and frankly I never want to see him again." God knows you tried with this kid. Now it's time for some peace for you.
I actually have told DH that
I actually have told DH that I never want to see SS again and he has told me he understands completely and would feel the same way- so at least he doesn't have rose colored glasses. He does still want to be in his son's life though and to have to comfort that any parent would want knowing that your kid is ok.
I hate that this is how it all ended.
He should be worried about
He should be worried about the poor kid that has to room with your SS
You Are Not Alone
I really hope I never have to see DHs kids again.
Too much hurt and damage done from all the years of ignoring and me continually trying when I should not have. One thing I've noticed with my 5 year break of not seeing them....I was able to have a bit more empathy for them rather than anger and bitterness. The short, yet again "toxic" interaction with DHs two daughters this past May caused me to stumble a bit in that area but I'm getting back to "good." I see DHs kids as damaged humans (just as I am) and while I know their story (shitty upbringing), I can't fix that or change it. What I can do is protect myself from toxic interactions with them (just as I do in the regular world) because those interactions cause ME hurt and pain. So, yeah....I truly hope I never have to see them again.
I always felt like every
I always felt like every single time I let my guard down and started to have the slightest bit of empathy for Little Idiot.. she immediately did something to tick me off and remind me of why I need to keep my distance
AlmostGone834, I genuinely
AlmostGone834, I genuinely laughed out loud at your DH's hypothetical response!
Thank you! I try to
Thank you!
I try to interject a little humor in my posts
Another Vote For NO
I've done that in the past. Telling DH rarely brought out good results for anyone, but especially me. I got accused of stalking everyone on the internet....so done with that. I find it funny though that his kids "stalk" me and I have pointed that out in the past. Today, I say nothing, even when I do find out a "tidbit." Let sleeping dogs, lie, as ESMOD said.
My stalker account was
My stalker account was actually DH's idea! LOL
I've tried to snoop on BM but
I've tried to snoop on BM but, thankfully, she has zero online presence. Oddly, I think I've only ever found a comment she left on amazon. I've found the majority of her siblings but none have her listed as a connection. It was probably best I didn't go down that rabbit hole anyways. I think she's a bit paranoid as she won't let the teens have social media or go out because there are predators.
I too
Have faux accounts but when it was obvious we "knew too much" the skids accounts went under lockdown.
Another vote for let it go. Odds are he hasn't even started college. Of course the college is not at liberty to give even the providing parent any information now that the kid is 18.
This happened to us with SD who was supposedly going to college for criminal justice-- she lasted about 6 weeks at most before dropping out. I was able to gather some information but again there were laws guarding her privacy... SD is taking medical coding ( most likely she is failing) and working at some dead-end job
I'm actually friends with SD
I'm actually friends with SD on social media. Not that she knows we're friends haha. It was proof she'd accept the request of any random over DH who she has blocked. Haven't logged into the account for years. Don't let them live rent free in your head. It's a nice day when you don't care whether they're happy or miserable because you haven't even given them a thought.
I'd do a little bit of stalking
I'd do a little bit of stalking if I was you. Just to prevent unexpected and unwelcome surprises.
If your DH is anything like
If your DH is anything like my DH, me sticking my nose in usually backfires and causes some sort of friction, even if it's well-intentioned on my part. Do I still do it? Yes, because apparently I'm a very slow learner. But I always regret it. I am in the camp to keep on silently stalking, and keep the info in your pocket. :)
I cannot get over that your DH is paying for 2yrs of college for a kid that refuses to talk to him. That is a 100% No from me, but I also know that the men will do as they please when it comes to skids, whether it makes sense or not...
Just a little update:
Just a little update:
Last night DH asked if the judge ever signed the order from court last month. I told him that our lawyer always puts the signed copy in the portal and then mails it to us and I haven't seen it. I told him I could reach out tomorrow (this morning) and see if there is any news. He said that he doesn't want to respond to BM's ridiculous request until we have the court order so that he can say "Per the order ___". I told him that I agreed with that and it isn't like she ever responds back to you when you ask about anything for SS for years.
Then I let it slip in that in fact she is so intent on hiding SS from you that I couldn't even find any college pictures of moving day on my stalker account.
He just shook his head and said he isn't surprised. I didn't suggest messaging SS or BM about that or anything just let him know what I saw.
Please chase down that court order
Please chase down that court order before BM gets to the judge and the next thing you know the order arrives with your DH on the hook for 4 years of college. Harrass your lawyer today.
Watiing on him to request
Watiing on him to request from the court on where it is. It was submitted last week, so we should have it by now. Why it took a month to submit... Lord only knows.