We went away to get married...out of state...and so we sent certified letters to the biomoms announcing that we were planning to get married on X date at X location and requesting that the children be allowed to attend the wedding....it went into as much detail as to say we will be leaving or state on this day at this time...well...they (the moms) are in cahoots (sp?) a lot in trying to make my husband's life HELL b/c he did not choose to be with either of them and so they unite against both he and i...so long story short, they waited until the day we were due to leave to say that the kids would be be albe to go...no reason given...none needed...just a way to try to screw up our day! He was of course CRUSHED and it was hard...but we drove down a few days early (as we had initially planned) and had my best frined and her boyfriend with us and waited for our friends and family to get in and we had a GREAT time nonetheless...so...to tell or not to tell...one of them got married recently and never said anything...flew to Vegas and we heard it through the grape vine and honestly i took it as her not being that proud about the event...however, when we get preganant, we wont be telling them until i start to show and we will tell them after we tell the girls...

It WILL hit her that you are not going anywhere and it is VERY likely that that fact will stir up all kinds of negative emotions in her so be prepared for that! But i doubt it will make her back off...likely she will turn up the volume on her drama out of hurt and in defense of all the ex's....if i were in their shoes, i would have the same emotions probably...especially if they want him back (which is what we deal with) but even if they've moved on...i imagine it is still painfull to see your ex getting married!

The girs were REALLY excited which made it even worse that they didnt' get to go...they'd tried on their dresses and everythig and the PSYCHO biomom (the other one is not PSYCHO but more controlling/manipulative) even brought her by our house after she knew we were on the road to do the whole "they left you" game, which REALLY PISSED ME OFF!!!!

Make a GREAT Day!

I wouldn't tell her anything. that's none of her business. telling your ss is fine and even have him there at the wedding. i wouldn't invite the ex to the wedding. she doesn't have to know about your life and her ex husband's either. NONE OF HER BUSINESS. if she finds out from the grapevine so be it, so what. Don't tell her when the wedding is before she starts some stupid ideas to postpone the wedding. Congratulations.

-happy mom

First I just want to say that I am extremely excited for you. I find being married is my biggest treasure in life, and I wish you and your bf the best!

You have already accepted that bm is psycho...yet you say "I just don't want to mess things up.." Well honey, you need to get over that idea. You, by helping your bf move on with his life without the ex, are already messing things up for her. You and your bf are entitled to live a normal, functional life together, and are entitled to get married, with or without her approval. In some ways, you are still striving to achieve her approval (by not wanting to mess things up). My advice is...1. don't bother telling her...let her find out either through ss, or the grapevine. 2. Plan your wedding without worrying about what is she going to do...(you will not be able to prevent her from creating drama-and trust me..the worst of her will come during your wedding). 3. Prepare yourself to accept her drama like water on a ducks back..(this will allow you to ignore her bullshit and truly enjoy the best moment in life).

4 years ago...I was in your exact position..except I not only had a psycho bm to deal with, but my dh's psycho family as well (I was preparing myself to have had wine thrown on my dress from my dh's family- yes they are that bad- didn't happen though). Let me tell you, the days before the wedding were super stressful. However, I personally could give a shit less what bm thought, what she planted in the head of my ss, or what my in-laws had to say...this was my day with my dh...and we really had the best day of our lives. Our wedding was so fun..numerous people came up to us and said "This is the best wedding we have ever been to!" or "You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen!" or "That is the most beautiful dress I have ever seen in my entire life!" and let me tell you, I had so much enjoyment becoming my husband's wife, that I was literally ready to jump out of my own skin!!!

That is the kind of stuff you want to remember about your wedding. Were there moments of negativity thrown at me before/during/after wedding? You bet...but I refused to focus on it. My in-laws talked trash about me during the reception with my ss! We gave my ss a bracelet and I personally said vows to him as part of the wedding vows (which everyone loved fyi), and afterwards, he told the entire world he wanted to scratch my name off the bracelet. Yes, it was heartbreaking..but Nymph...you can't focus on walking on eggshells for dysfunctional people..it's their way of manipulating you, and it is not a way to enjoy life. And even if you were successful at finding a way to please bm, she will switch courses and find another way to be unhappy to get you to jump through hoops to please her.

My bests to you. I really had a super stressful time planning the wedding..if you want to email me specifically to get advice, or de-stress you are totally welcome! I would be happy to support you any way I can..

Bests,
Candice

I am in the same spot as you. BF and I have been talking marriage for a while now, and I think in a short time we will be making it official. BM will either hear it thru the grapvine, or SD will eventually tell her, and I'm sure BM will say something negative. but SD will be excited, anyway.. She already tells us that she wants us to get married so she will have me as a stepmom. She wants to be in the wedding and she talks about wanting a little brother or sister too... We will try to plan our wedding on "our" weekend, so it doesn't cause conflict.. And I plan on flashing my brilliant diamond in her face as much as possible. And whatever she dishes out we'll address when it happens.. BUT it will be a great day no matter what..

I think also, if I were you I'd just do whatever you want, don't even worry about who tells her or how she feels, or what she'll do.

It was my personal fantasy to be married alone, with no kids at all. Very romantic and personal for us only.

Never will happen, though.

after we became engaged we told her through email. we did not givehr any specific details, just told her that it would be this year sometime and that we would like to have the kids there. We also made arrangements at that time that we would switch some time with her so we could take them with us. She seemed ok about it at first but over the past few months has gotten worse and worse, even suing him over some old bills that were in her name. We now believe she will deny that we switched time for the wedding and refuse to let the kids come. We are in the process of working it out.

I am probably not getting the wedding I want, but at least it will be on my terms and not hers. I won't let her hurt the kids like that if i can possibly help it.

I think she found out through email - I planned a trip to the beach last minute with my brothers, our four kids, and sister in law so DH who had never proposed to his exes decided to run get a ring last minute and propose on the beach that day - i think she found out through his niece or my myspace, don't remember. Just so happened that she was married to her BF that weekend (that lasted three months LOL) We later emailed her and asked if we could get the girls Oct 14 to get married (she moved out of state with them) her response "I would not ask them not to be at your wedding" I knew what that crazy bitch meant. well, 6 weeks later, we were due to get the girls that saturday for the rest of the summer so wednesday i called DH - let's get married saturday K (i had to do it fast or I wouldn't have done it) so we did just that, he met her halfway to get the girls that morning, got home, we got dressed, and got married. Planned in 2 days and all for $700!!! So of course after our BBQ reception at the house afterwards we posted our wedding pics that night....she congrated us, was upset that we didn't tell her so she could have cut the girls hair or driven further to help - then came the hateful emails that we were supposed to be a family now and I had no right NOT to tell her ahead of time...yeah, why, so you could have broke down on the way or something come up??? Hell no! Not with this crazy bitch.