Adult kids
I'm looking at this from the divorced dad's perspective but I'm missing a lot of info. Anyway, my 80+ male neighbor died 10 months ago. He married his wife, who was living there with her 1st husband, when we moved in 51 years ago. They seemed very happy, she had been in a very limited situation and the new husband, R, was proud to take her to car races, out in his boat, etc
After they'd been together about 5 years, she suffered a fall in their home that led to brain damage. She was well enough to live at home for years with R and her adult daughter caring for her. But, finally, she went to a nursing home where she stayed for years before dying. During those years, we saw him leave every day to go see her. He was a frequent Taco Bell customer, taking her in food. She died about 5 years ago.
In all that time, I might have seen a son come over perhaps once a year. I didn't really know how many kids he had. When he got sick last year, I started to see a woman come more often, it was his daughter. I introduced myself and we exchanged phone numbers. They had a reception for him after he died and it turns out he also had 3 sons
Since his death, the house has sat there. He was a hoarder so there's junk piled up on the deck and against the side of the house. I'm guessing it was in probate since nothing was happening. But the last few days, they are moving stuff out and it looks like they had some kind of sale today.
It makes me wonder what kind of relationship they all had. They certainly weren't coming around as he aged. When I met the daughter and at the reception, I told them how much I'd respected R for the faithful way he cared for his wife all those years. He was the definition of a stand up guy. They all but rolled their eyes. Maybe I said the wrong thing if there'd been an issue with their mom, who knows.
Anyway, they're sure all over there now. I hope they get the price for it they want.
- JRI's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
My guess....
Based on the not uncommon experiences of many STalkers.....
These are CODs who smoked the daddy alienating crack pipe with mommy and are now the proverbial circling vultures wanting their share of deceased daddy's resources.
Of course, maybe not.
Adapting the behaviors are the best indicator or performance concept. He was a dedicated caring DH by your own observations. Odds are, he likely was decent in the past. Go with your experiences with R and .... don't give his carrion consuming spawn a thought.
It's All So Sad
But I can see this in our future. Heck, I see it now. DHs kids have always had little to no interaction with me and minimal with their father. Even with the BM passed now, he seems to still get minimal attention. That's what years of PAS does, I guess. I am grateful for our good friends and for my two kids who are active in all four parents' lives. My son chose to live closer to us to help as we aged. He's always here doing something for us. And his dad/SM.
I'm sure they'll be "front and center" for that will reading, though. SMH
Maybe his kids are vultures
Or maybe he was one of those men that cracks jokes and buys drinks for everyone in the pub, takes neighbourhood kids for a ride on the stand rail of his vintage car, and beats up his children when he gets home. I've heard many variations of this story...
You…
...may be in to something here. Sounds like my dad. He was the life of the party in public and violent at home...he didn't need a reason. (No, there is never a reason for violence.) There can be clues, but we really never know what goes on in someone else's home.
No idea
I have no idea what his whole life was like but he didn't seem violent at all. I'm guessing there was an unpleasant divorce and the kids took Mom's side. If I took a stab, I'd guess he was a ladies man.
Family dynamics can be weird.
Family dynamics can be weird. My brother and I see my dad probably 10 times a year.. and that has been an increase over a decade ago when I might have gone to see my dad maybe 2x a year. We do not live local to him.. but in the same state.. still it is a full day committment to go see him... if not overnight.
My dad in my youth was not always the nicest guy... he was often hard on us.. esp my mom and brother (they never divorced... but occasionally I was also a target too. So, while my father has def mellowed with age.. he was not the easiest to live with.
I think one of the gifts of steplife is the ability to see others and perhaps understand that not all is as it may seem.. and that there can be a lot of things under the covers we will never know.. and we should try to give people some grace in that their path may not have always been easy.
Kind, empathetic reply
What a wise, insigjtful, empathetic outlook, ESMOD So true.
Just a question. Why is dad often by default likely the monster?
While mom by default likely isn't?
Here, the most frequent scenarios are that the XW/BM is the monster and the DH/BioDad is the victim of the monster XW/BM and the ankle biting monster minion baggage spawn. As BM's are overwhelmingly likely to the CP, the odds are likely that the kids will be minions of mommy more so than of daddy.
JFI's direct observations and personal interface with R is that he was a stand up guy. The reaction of his spawn to that comment to them my JRI would send my default to the side that BM was manipulative and PASing them against dad.
I suppose I have answered my own question. It is situational. One person's experiences may not be the same as another's in reference to other people.
JRI, I am glad that your experiences with R were positive.
Why
The reason why you see evil ex+husbands by default is that we ex-wives were blameless.
Cough cough. Lol