Well, I had a nice Thanksgiving this year -- alone. It was DH's year to have SS13. Since he wasn't able to take him on a trip earlier this year, he took him on a week-long cruise. I didn't go due to work commitments and difficulties getting a dog sitter, but, honestly, I'm happy this way. I get the house to myself. And I don't have to spend a week sharing a cabin and bathroom with a surly teen boy. Win for me!

That also meant I could spend the day with my family stress-free. DH has gotten better, but my family gatherings stress him out (my immediate family is about 15 people and DH is a shy introvert). When SS is with us, it's added stress because DH is always worried how SS is doing and whether or not he's bored. Of course he's bored. He hardly spends any time with them. People are nice and speak to him, but get monosyllables in response. And he doesn't have anything in common with the other kids and he and the ones his age (girls) are in that awkward phase. Anyway, SS told DH he doesn't really want to do stuff with my family anymore. I have no problem with it. No law says he has to want to be with my family. It disappoints DH because I know he was originally hoping SS would connect and experience what it's like to be part of a bigger family with other kids around. (He's an only child and grandchild on both sides.)

Anyway, it's been a nice break. When they get back, SS will be with his mom for the week, so it's extended no-kid time. Great for me.

We were able to talk on the phone yesterday and DH shared some concerns. SS doesn't seem interested or excited about anything. (Not new. He's been that way since I met him at age 5.) He doesn't talk or open up. Says he's talked to BM and she says he's the same with her and her family. He seems happy when they give him something or take him somewhere fun, then it's back to flat and disinterested.

He shows no interest in anyone or anything. Unless it involves him getting something he wants.

He ignores rules he doesn't like.

He cops attitude any time anyone tries to teach him something or displeases him.

He lies.

He manipulates.

He shows no remorse.

Again, none of this is a new teen thing.

Honestly, I think it all may go beyond being spoiled. There could genuinely be some problems -- like a burgeoning personality disorder or attachment issues.

I see other kids and while I don't live with them and don't know what they're always like, I just notice differences. Other kids are surly and quiet, but also have moments of interest and chattiness, even affection. They're capable of being charming or funny. With SS, nothing.

I know my lack of connection to SS bothers DH. Hell, his own lack of connection bothers him. I've gone around the edges, without outright saying: A big part of the problem is your child. Relationships are two-way streets, even with kids. He gives nothing. He shows no interest. His main reaction is either flat or disdainful. How and why would anyone connect with him?

I feel bad thinking that way about a kid. But, frankly, he's not likable and never has been. Maybe he'll blossom in another couple of years. Maybe he'll become someone pleasant to be around. But given history, I don't have much hope.

Perhaps therapy would help, but I doubt it. DH and BM took him a while back and SS just sat there, so they dropped it. A couple of years ago, when he got in trouble at school a few times, BM was going to take him but he said he wouldn't talk or cooperate, so she dropped it. I doubt either of them would go through with it. They'll lose patience with his silence and decide to stop wasting time and money. Besides, if the therapist diagnosed a problem, they'd both likely get protective and defensive and shut it down.

Sigh. Like I said, nice break. But I'm dreading the return to reality.