Eggs — not a huge deal, but need to vent
It's an SS13 week -- more than half over, thank goodness. He's never been the most pleasant kid, but now we have teen attitude. He ignores my existence, so none of it is aimed at me, but it drives DH crazy.
Anyway, SS has gotten into a pattern of making himself scrambled eggs every morning before catching the bus. Fine. Good that he's learned to make something for himself.
But the mess is getting on my last nerve. He will put his dinner dishes in the washer, but it's like he can't make the connection and put any other dishes in there. So, every morning, the pan and various other dishes and items sit, not rinsed, in the sink. I leave them.
I finally got fed up and told DH that, hey, maybe SS could start cleaning up after himself. (I don't give instructions to SS unless it's an emergency or in the moment because it was starting to feel like my only interactions with the kid were me bossing him around.) DH: Oh. Yeah.
I also pointed out to him one of us needs to teach SS how to clean up because every morning, I'm finding blobs of raw egg whites on the counter -- gross and a health hazard. That, I do clean up because I prep my own food there and it's not sanitary. DH (a neat-freak germophobe) was utterly clueless and just looked at me sort of like "oh. That's something we need to clean up?"
Again, none of this is serious stuff, but I'm beyond irritated. Granted, done of my irritation probably comes from the fact that I'm struggling with some health issues, work stress and grief. But I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one who notices or says anything about this stuff, which makes me the stereotypical bitchy stepmom/nagging wife.
It just feels like some stepmom things are really coming to a head. The other night, DH told me how the fact that I never post things about SS or share things with my family hurts him. My sisters sent a lot of pics last week because they were on spring break trips. SS was with BM. Not sure what I was supposed to text them. When baseball starts, I'll share things, as I always do.
No, I don't have the same relationship with him that I do with Nephew18 and Nieces 16, 14, 12, 11 and 9. Of course I don't. I don't live with them. I've been in their lives since Day One. And they actually act excited to see me.
Sigh. Just feeling overall annoyed and frustrated.
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Comments
Why doesn’t DH post?
Tell DH it's not your child. SS disrespect you by not talking to you, you are not going to post anything good, so you will not post.
I've told him before that I
I've told him before that I won't post about SS on social media. If BM or DH want to, that's their call. But I'm not a parent and media posting is a complicated issue.
As for texting, when DH is in a certain mood, the old hurt feelings over my not loving his kid rears up. Do I care about him? Yes. Do I love him? Not really. We've never fully bonded and I'm ok with that. I was friendly and open, but not pushy early on. SS never really reciprocated, so I left it at that. But a part of DH is still troubled that I'm not a co-parent. Sometimes he gets it. Other times...
Good grief, doesn't he
Good grief, doesn't he understand that the minute you post, you'll have bm and her cronies on your back telling you that you're not the parent and that you'd better stay in your lane.
Feral teens are the worst. I
Feral teens are the worst. I totally understand the kitchen mess frustration. I have found no total solution but one thing that I did with SK's dirty dishes was to have a designated dishpan that I put them into. That dishpan is then stashed (perferably in line of sight of SK) until the darlings "have time to wash them." Whichever pan they like to use basically becomes their own pan because it's always dirty. I have no answers for the glops of egg. It sounds like your husband won't deal with it and he is the only person who can. He should be telling SK to wipe up his messes, preferably IN THE MOMENT repeat ... repeat ... repeat ... If SK won't do it then HE should clean their messes so you don't have to deal with it. But, as a lot of men have big ego's and lots of fee fee's, he probably won't.
It sort of baffles me that
It sort of baffles me that the egg glop isn't more of a thing for him. He's neater than I am and freaks out about germs.
But then he's really not good about consistency. He'll agree something is a problem, but then either not address it at all or only do so sporadically. Usually it's because "I don't want to deal with the attitude right now." Or, "He was in a good mood and I didn't want to get him in a bad mood before he left for school."
insert eye roll here
UGH.
Finally at almost 18, Princess Powersulk SD17 will wash her dishes. She still doesnt "do" pans, and she still wont put the drys away "because no one told me to!"
Yep. What is it with kids?
Yep. What is it with kids? Are they genuinely dense or just passive aggressive? At 13, we shouldn't have to remind him every time "if you make a mess, clean it up" or "don't put dirty clothes in your hamper on top of clean ones."
Failed Parenting
They dont remember or they dont know...its LAZY A$$NESS.
Cooking for yourself??
Cooking for yourself?? Washing dishes??? Pans?? Putting dishes in the dishwasher?? I didn't know that step kids were capable of such things!
Heh. Like I said, I'm glad he
Heh. Like I said, I'm glad he's fixing stuff for himself. But cleaning up after yourself is part of the process. This doesn't surprise me. At his mom's, she has a cleaning lady come in a couple of times a week and she deals with dishes, laundry, putting things away. So he just walks away from piles of food/messes/whatever, expecting someone else to deal with it. That, or he acts like he's being forced to scrub the entire house with a baby toothbrush if we tell him to rinse his dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
Clarity!!!
DH (a neat-freak germophobe) was utterly clueless and just looked at me sort of like "oh. That's something we need to clean up?"
Now we know where the root of the problem is and where SS gets it from.
I can see where not
I can see where not acknowledging you would be annoying.
I would say to maybe ease up a bit if you can about the dishes during the weekday. Most kids who cook (it's a lot of trifling kids who expect parents to be their personal chefs every day) simply cook and consider that a major milestone.
Hell I barely want to clean up those pots and pans after I cook.
One thing y'all might try is the concept of "clean as you go" so while the food is cooking multitask and clean some things so it's less work at the end.
Hes probably in a rush to make it to school on time. I'd personally would rather see a kid cook for themselves, help them clean as they go, than to have to drive them to school bc they missed the bus trying to be chef Gordon + cleanup crew in the morning
I would agree, but he's not.
I would agree, but he's not. He gets up in plenty of time, fixes it, eats, then disappears upstairs to play video games or mess around on his phone for 20 minutes. 1/3 of the time, he misses the bus because he's sitting on the couch, texting. Luckily, we live super-close to the school so it's easy for DH to drop him off. Anyway, it takes one minute or less to put his dishes in the machine.
These always the sign thing.
Sing in kitchen. Clean up meaning dishes, forks, pots, cups. Wash and dryer. Sign wherever needed
I had this so I went to the
I had this so I went to the extreme. Not only were they made to clear their own mess they had to wash up dry up and put away ALL the dinner things every time they came. Their mother has no rules or order so I get hard for them to adjust but tough fucking adjust. they have adjusted. They tidy up after themself tuck chairs under the table after food. When they mastered how to do their own shit the cleaning up everyone else's lessened. Occasionally we will say do the washing up please if me and OH are dead.
as for missing the bus their dad takes them - lucky they ain't my kids. I'd make them find their own way and deal with the consequences of being late.