Why are you putting up with this?

These are adults treating your home like a frat house. Let them do this to a home that they are paying for.

I assume you moved in with DH? Either you and DH have to kick them out NOW or you need to get your own place until DH figure out how to grow a spine. There's no way I'd put up with that crap. I give dirty looks when skids touch my crystal, much less leaving beer cans and vomit everywhere.

You should be angry with DH for not having the balls to expect his property to be treated with respect. He raised animals.

No f*c*ing way.

tell hubby its them or me and honestly if he chooses them you need to get your self an apartment or something because that is fucking ridiculous if he chooses you change the locks pack their shit and sit it in the front yard and see if they get the message. that is completely uncalled for and disgusting

Why in the hell are you allowing this? I would have gone insane on them on some of the smaller stuff. Let alone the parties...Hell no!!! Throw them out now....

They call your DH by his initials....so, yes, he is their friend. They do not see him as their dad. They see him as a buddy-this is very bad, as you know.

While I agree with what everyone else said, I do not know how you will get them out. Dad/friend has got to support you and tell them it is time to go. I do not know if he is willing to do that. You need to talk to him now, and tell him they have to go. They really need to be out NOW, but I doubt he would be willing to immediately throw them out. So, get a time in mind, and tell them that if they are not gone, YOU will be. This is really tough, bc your DH does not sound like he really cares about what they are doing. He should be ashamed of himself for allowing you to live this way, but guess he is used to it, because "they are his kids."

This is exactly why I will never allow my fiance's adult brats in our home. Actually, they are not even allowed to visit as of now. 2 of them have been determined to move in, and it would have been a disaster. I would have had drugs, filth, and minors in here. Oh....you better tell your DH that he could get in massive legal trouble if drugs, or other things are found in his home. One of my fiance's sons is dating a minor, and he can go to jail, but I will be damned if he drags us into it. He is mad at me bc I want nothing to do with her. He thinks the law does not apply to him.

Your DH better wake up. I know what you are going through, my fiance is SO passive, and way too nice. His kids took advantage of that for years, but no more. Luckily, he supports me, but it is not always easy, cause he still has slivers of guilt. His kids are horrible, and he has yet to accept that fully.

I wish you luck and peace.

I did that stuff myself, when I was 18! I can still remember my mom (single at the time) chasing me around the house with a yard stick held like a samurai sword doing her damndest to take my head off and putting dents in the sheet rock when she missed. She promptly thereafter told me to get the hell out of her house and that was that. I know she did the right thing to this day, even though I did have to come back for about 4 months a few years later, but at that point I did work and pay rent and had a specific move out date.

These punks need to be booted out NOW, no excuses or exceptions, I would be boxing their shit up and throwing it out on the front lawn.
If they are doing this in front of your children, what is this showing THEM?
At the very least I would be having carpets cleaned and repairs done and submitting the bills to them to pay, that is massive horse shit!

Oh, they've got to GO! Your marriage will never make it under these circumstances. You need to spell it out for your husband. God help you. You are obviously a very nice lady since you haven't ripped anyone's head off yet. And good for you. But, you are not a doormat. Enough is enough.

Why are they there? It's time to establish a strategy to put an end to this foolishness once and for all. These are adults .. grown men . .and if they want to party like Sixteen Candles, let them do it under their own roof.

First off, sit down and tell DH that it's time for his sons to move and establish a date. Have a meeting with them and let them know that the gravy train has pulled into the station, and the party has officially ended. Tell them you want them gone by a certain date and you're going to establish house rules. Start charging them rent if they work.

Start making things difficult for them around the house. Stop buying food for them (if they work they should buy their own food), hide the laundry detergent, and disconnect their cable. When they violate a house rule, ream them about it. Soon they'll get sick of hearing it and will start looking forward to moving out. DH must be on board. As it stand now, they have it made there and have no reason to leave. Change that! They'll never grow up and become responsible at this rate because they feel that can live with you and daddy and keep partying for the next 10 years.

This is what I had to w/my lazy SD (27) because my DH was passive and didn't want to give her a move out date because he didn't want to "hurt her feelings." The sun rose and set on her according to DH. She was evil, mean-spirited and didn't have one chore in the house. I figured since he wasn't going to get her out, I'd have to and I did what I've suggested to you. Before long, she was packing her stuff.

Alwaysanxious is right on . . .get a plan B and plan C too if necessary.

My DH would always tell me he would talk to SD about issues, but days, weeks and months would go by and he would never get around to it. When I complained he accused me of trying to control him and told me he would talk to her when he was good and ready. . WTH?

I told DH that if he didn't get his princess in check that I would "leave him here with his triffling a!@ daughter." And I was dead serious. He got the message.

Marriage is hard enough as it is, putting up with inexcusable behavior from obnoxious steps makes it that much more difficult.

Simple, give them a time frame to leave. This is unbelievably disrespectful and should not be tolerated period end.

whoops, just saw your last entry and yeah for you!!!!!!!!!!

Bad, are you kidding? I'd be planning a going away party when they were gone! No, it's your house and they were really disrespectful. They needed to leave.

Congrats!

Its a good thing Hubby Is dealing with it, or at least trying to, my husband and I have been together 15 years, and he STILL cannot put his foot down with my step-sons. My advice to you is to REALLY watch your HUSBANDS behavior, because HE will decide (inadverdently), whether this "works" or not, Not the boys. They will continue (in many ways), to get away with what they can get away with. How your husbands deals with it will decide how much or how little it will effect your relationship. If you see him failing to rise to the occasion(s), repeatedly, I would be VERY concerned about your future. My husbands inability to deal with his kids, have caused misery for me and MY kids, caused the death of one of his sons, and have royally F*^#KED up the other 2...just some food for thought...Good Luck..:)

If they are adults, take them to court to recover the losses and for cleanup. Its adult time now. Shaking your finger at them would be useless.

You don't give us any back story about your relationship. The 'boys' lost their mother and are threatened by you taking their father's attention and love.
Did you and partner ever sit down with the boys and acknowledge the big change that this would represent to them? Did you look them in the eye and tell them that the two of you feel lucky to have found each other, and that whatever the difficulties, you are one in solidarity? Is that true?
Have you sat with them yourself and listened to their feelings? Have you shared any of your own losses with them? Have you been moved to tears so that they can see the depth of your feelings?
I find that many men bestow a lot of responsibility for their offspring to a new partner- mainly because they are relieved to not have to go it alone for any longer, and in their previous relationship the woman took charge of the kids.
Since the horses have left the barn already, your husband should sit down with each of them individually and spend a couple of hours talking- about their loss, about his loss, about the communal benefit that having a new family joined together in your relationship can bring.
The boys sound out of control- perhaps they were given too much leeway after their mother's death, and the chickens are coming home to roost. Are they employed? Do they need more guidance from their Dad about where their lives are going?
They need to vent and then they need to understand the ground rules. Their lack of respect for property is very telling - almost Freudian. They want to destroy what YOU have with their Dada.
Wanting them out makes it feel easier for you, you don;t have their issues in your face any more. I say if you can work to build the relationship it could benefit everybody. You and your husband both have to try.