If I just---
This morning is one of those mornings when I feel at my lowest point. It is 5AM and after not smoking for 3 months the temptation became too strong and I bought a pack. So here I am looking back on life and asking myself " What would I do different if only I knew."
I mentioned in a previous blog that I would have " Alice " from the Brady bunch. Now thoughts of what else could have made life less stressful enter my mind. Had I only known, what would I have done differently to put my well being first rather then last.
I should have realized that adult sc affect the marriage. But I did not. I should have realized how large a role my DH played in needing to "fix " their problems at my expense. I should have taken note of his past girlfriend who kept herself in their good graces and continued to keep tabs with the family for several years after our marriage.
What would I have learned?
She never moved in but kept her own place.
Since I owned the home next to DH, I should have kept it for my use instead of renting it out to produce funds for fixing his.
She encouraged his giving to his children, she sided with his children as their friend---They loved her for that and it never affected what she had.
Had I only known I could have done the same. I had the assets, he had debt. Instead of thinking the same as a first marriage, I could have retained separate credit and accounts. Who cares if he wallowed in debt or lost what little he had. If mine was not mingled in, did not affect me.
When DH made commitments or promises he really was not in a position to keep, she never stepped forward to relieve him of the embarrassment of looking like a fool.
I should have done the same.
Oh well, Just one of those mornings. Time to pour a cup of coffee and smoke one of those cigarettes I bought. Afterwards I will be mentally kicking myself for my own weakness. Hopefully I will get back on track tomorrow.
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Comments
Thanks for words of
Thanks for words of encouragement. Once I get my shower and start the day I am hopeful that this will all seem minor. It is supposed to be a nice sunny day today. Yard work may help the feeling of everything seeming so down.
Wouldn't be nice if there
Wouldn't be nice if there were warning labels on remarriages?
Sorry, this sucks, and I'm not feeling too great myself for different reasons, so I know that disappointment.
Is there anything you can do on the financial side? It might help to talk to a lawyer, maybe start with a family lawyer and see if there's anything you can do to protect yourself and reverse some of the commingling of funds. I think it would just help to know what your options are. And even if that lawyer said you can't reverse, maybe there are some steps you can take to separate funds from here on out. might relieve a good part of your stress. Just a thought. It wouldn't hurt to ask.
Your marriage to your DH has already cost you a lot financially, so if I were you I wouldnt mind throwing some money to a lawyer.
The non financial problems, I recommend talkig to a good counselor familiar with stepfamilies. But you're rigt to come here, this sight has really helped me.
It is so easy to be wise with
It is so easy to be wise with hindsight. Perhaps your DH's past girlfriend had been in a step situation before, or knew someone who had, and knew the pitfalls.
Don't be too hard on yourself for going in trustingly, with hope - we all do that. I thought that because I had raised two well adjusted daughters almost to adulthood when I met my DH, dealing with his two much younger daughters would be a piece of cake. Ohhohoho. WRONG!!! dunderhead me took a few years to realise I was living in an NPD BM and spineless DH-created hell.
It's not too late to separate your finances from your husband's? I have been married twice and have always kept separate finances.![Wink](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/wink.gif)
Go and enjoy your cigs.