older father in the picture
Married my wife 2 years ago Im 39 shes 37 and we have 2 kids together 6 year old son from her first last marriage and our daughter who is 2 now. I cant stand how old my stepsons father is he's 57, 20 years older than my wife. And whats worse he looks like he's 65+. Her and I look late twenties early thirties. Its just so embarrassing the she could have sex and a child with him. it really makes me wonder where my wifes head is. I always feel bad about it and I never been much of a jealous person or someone that brings up exs all the time.
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Welcome to the board, fraser.
Welcome to the board, fraser. It is one of the most common vents for stepparents around here that we can't understand how our spouses ever slept with the skids' other parent. There are many colorful nicknames for these ex-partners in these parts, very often based on looks or appeal. We have Kraken, Jabba, Meth Mom and many more. So you are in great company.
Venting about such things helps you relieve your emotional pressure about it without hurting your spouse or your skid so come here and vent about it as much as you like.
This times ten. Fraser, don't
This times ten. Fraser, don't let this thought derail what seems to be a wonderful life you have with your family. It's not helpful. I imagine you have an ex that was considerably heavier, older, younger, whatever than you were. He's an ex! Don't bring this up with your wife. There's nothing she can do to change her past.
When the guy clearly looks
When the guy clearly looks older than your own father its weird how that pulls a nerve. When you're referred to as the young dad picking your kids up from daycare or people asking how she could have seen anything in that guy makes you wonder why you're dealing with someone elses bad mistake. When her own family has issues with it or everyone telling you thats a tough pill to swallow. Its just way different from any other relationship I've been in with a child. Every girl I date with a child has had exs whos famous or well off or successful and the guy they decided to have a kid with was the biggest looser the girl dated. This guy is in the same business her and I are in and now he's operating 20 min from where we live. Just don't see how anyone can be OK with that.
You need to learn to laugh
You need to learn to laugh and move on. Many people think my fiance and I are my son's parents and my ex is the grandparent. There is a 16 year age difference, so father/grandfather is feasible. We just ignore it and/or laugh at it. When others bring it up (which they do regularly) we just laugh and say how life can affect looks. My ex was dating a young girl at one point and showing her off - so there was ex's gf 19, me 34, ex 51 (at the time, roughly). And the kids between 3 BMs were aged between 6 and 18 - trust me, if you worry about everyone elses opinions it will drive you crazy, just live your life!
Amigas! Can someone explain
Amigas! Can someone explain to me why every single day here there are women ranting about the horror that is bm and some even actually toss it in their dh's face that he touched "that" and insert epithet next? Often an epithet referring to physical appearance?
But when this fellow does the exact same thing somehow he's shallow, callow, not busy enough, not grateful enough, just generally not allowed to do what women do here every single day?
Can someone womansplain that to me, please?
IMHO it's because most of the
IMHO it's because most of the posters that I've seen cutting down BM looks have also been on here complaining about BM's actions and attitudes. It's not JUST that she's ugly.
OP hasn't posted ANYTHING else other than 'BD's OLD and it's gross!' which makes him appear shallow.
Honestly I've seen some of the BM pics posted as such "ugly" women, and I have to conclude that either the SM is Playboy-model beautiful or there is some serious eye-of-the-beholder, pretty-is-as-pretty-does action going on.
You know, I agree with you.
You know, I agree with you. Some of the pics posted give one pause in exactly the manner you describe.
Perhaps you have a point about the context of these rants. We do tend to know more of the back story of the bm being complained about and there is almost certainly bad behavior involved. Fair point.
But this man, as far as I can tell, is brand new. I am not a guardian of the gate so I may have that wrong, though. But especially if he's new the place does bill itself as a where sps come to vent and he did just that. I don't know why he can't get a modicum of support instead of judgment for his feelings.
Possibly because some of us
Possibly because some of us are dealing with BMs and kids whose actions are so overwhelmingly awful that when we see someone complaining about something so petty, it rubs us the wrong way. As an example, SS10 came to me on the verge of tears last week asking why he had to quit karate because BM said it's not fair to SD11 since she's not in it, but SD11 gets to do hockey when SS10 isn't in that? I wish BM were just ugly. My life would be a lot simpler!
For OP, his concerns are valid. It's a source of frustration in his life stemming from the step side of life so this does seem the place to go for it. If that's the worst problem he is facing though, I suspect he won't find the support he is looking for.
Who cares? Why is his age a
Who cares? Why is his age a concern? You don't have to sleep with him lol
My DH was married and had kids with totally awful woman. But so what. It has nothing to with me.
I am marrying my fiance in a
I am marrying my fiance in a month, I am 37, he is 36, my son's dad is 53. Trust me she is far more embarrassed about this than you! I was so embarrassed the first time fiance saw ex - in my head he must have been thinking "wow, maybe I am shooting way too low with this girl considering how her ex looks". He did not think anything like that of course, I don't think he truly cared. I am with him now, in a very different place in my head and life. My fiance is far more concerned about how my ex actually acts (both towards son and I). If I were to ask him, he would say he cannot believe I was ever with that douchebag - but not anything to do with looks, but everything about personality!
Be happy, this is not something to worry about!
Welcome, here. Goodness, my
Welcome, here.
Goodness, my SO is 13 years OLDER than my exDH. My snow-topped senior SO has learned a bit through the years. SO has patience, wisdom and a slow, knowledgeable touch. Years with a younger man, .... meh, ... youth does not equal ability.
I am currently enjoying one of those 'older men.'
.
I will gracefully enjoy a mature man over a rattle-headed boy who is 'embarrassed' about who his GF slept with in the past. You were too good to marry "Miss Least-Offensive" when she was preggers --- excuse me, what douche did you sleep with in the past to get your shame-meter pegged? Get over your self. BTW: the boy is not "your" son unless you legally adopt. You are a male role model, but otherwise, you are a bookmark in the child's life. Welcome to step-parenting.
Tossing out a defense for older men here. What a shit-load of arrogance and bullshit OP is dropping off. {"Duck, Disneyland, duck!"}
LOL - my SO is 42. My BM is
LOL - my SO is 42. My BM is 27. I'm sure her family wonders the same thing about the age thing