Don't know what to do!
My future step daughter who lives in our basement with her boyfriend and their baby is out of control. She disrespects me and her father unless she wants something from him. I'm not in any pictures and she makes that a point I won't forget. she snubs me and now it's putting her dad in a you need to choose situation. What can I do? We want to build a life together but that won't happen is with her living there.
She is in her early twenties and her boyfriend is in his mid thirties. They are both trying to push me out.they use to take advantage of my boyfriend until I moved in. I don't know what to do anymore Talking to her doesn't work. She is hot and cold with me. My fiancee had told them to leave but he them takes it back. He regrets allowing them to move in. I'm looking for advice.
Sounds like your BF needs to
Sounds like your BF needs to be given an ultimatum. It's them or me... they are adults, they can go get their own place...
^^^^I second that^^^^
^^^^I second that^^^^
If I give an ultimatum
If I give an ultimatum wouldn't that be lowering myself to her level? Putting him in that situation....I don't know....he had a massive heartattack last October and it's bad enough this stupid drama she has caused is starting to wear on him!!
Nuptials will not be
Nuptials will not be happening, I refuse to live like this for the rest of my life!
Yeah, I probably would not
Yeah, I probably would not have even moved in in that situation.
What has usually worked for me, is to take my emotions out of it. List all logical reasons why this and this should happen and discuss with your fiance.
For example: They are adults and have a family of their own and need to be responsible. You are doing them a disservice by not allowing your daughter to grow up.
And I would make a looong, indisputable list (including your fiance's health).
Show you are serious but caring and draw up a plan for them as far as time to find a place of their own, etc.
You and your fiance have to be united on this, stick to your guns and agree that there is no going back. Once they are out, they do not move back. Ever.
If he regrets letting them move in in the first place, you should be able to convince him to get them out.
Oh, and don't let them use the grandkid as weapon. If Daddy didn't exist, they would have to figure something out and they would. Trust me.
The sponge of a boyfriend has
The sponge of a boyfriend has issues with his ex trying to get custody of his kids. He uses that excuse everytime my bf talks to him. My bf has a big heart which is why I love him but it is also his biggest weakness. The SD has been told numerous of times from my bf that she will respect me and she feels that she doesn't have to. She thinks I should respect her and kiss her ass. The new generation these days are so delusional!!! My bf and I have talked about this and I think now it is really getting to him because the situation is getting worse; now he does feel he is in a corner and I probably won't have to give him an ultimatum. I might have to start looking for a new place to live even though he has told me she will never come between us. Yeah my ex use to say things because he thought that's what I wanted to hear.
I appreciate everyone's
I appreciate everyone's comments. I'm so glad I came across this site.
Too late now, but you should
Too late now, but you should have waited before you moved into his house. I'm sorry for you. It sucks being the new girl.
(((((hugs)))))
I agree with other comments.
I agree with other comments. Either they move and don't come back or you move and don't come back. "Make decision now Mr. Boyfriend and by the end of June they're gone or I am".
Don't get married to this guy until you're sure you can live with him and his kid - he is not going to change and neither is the girl.
Has your boyfriend sat the kid down and gone over how he intends to protect her interest in his estate when he dies? Often when this is settled the problem disappears or at least eases a lot. Money talks.
Are you expecting to inherit from him?
The OP said the step-kid is
The OP said the step-kid is giving her grief. Worries about an inheritance can be the root of that when its adult children and a step-parent. I didn't accuse anyone! But unless its laid out on the table the kid may be worried.
We pulled all four of our children in and explained how a living trust held the house for all four of them and nobody would be left out. I'm hardly alone in doing that.
I don't know if they were worried as there had been no inquiries but it laid the subject to rest.
I don't agree with giving
I don't agree with giving ultimatums. They are usually self serving. I would however suggest you work out what you want to do, if you are unhappy here, then tell your bf you are unhappy and you are moving out to get your own place. Then do it. That way you are not asking him to choose, you are not putting him in the middle, and you are looking after yourself and doing what is best for you. This situation will become even worse once you marry, somehow once the wedding ring is on the finger the hateful kids can believe it or not become even more hateful. They seem to feel the need to up the anti and it is fierce. You are on the easy side of the hill at the moment, and how bad does that feel. Once there is a wedding ring on your finger watch them go then.
UPDATE: BF and I are going
UPDATE: BF and I are going to work this out. We are going to start building a house with no extra room for the moochers. He will be renting out the house we live in now. It will probably take a year for all to be done but hopefully we'll make. He sat his daughter down and talked with her and basically said I don't care what you think this is how it is. We will see how long that will last but I'm just going to keep on smiling because karma is a bitch and she will mess up because that is what liars and manipulators do.