Am I completely terrible?
I feel awful even saying this and hope I'm not thought bad of by saying it... I love my SO so much and generally we have a fantastic life together. As I've mentioned before, I'm new to this site as I am fairly new to being an SM. Before I met my SO, like many others, I never even imagined taking on another woman's children. I don't regret taking them on whatsoever because they're gorgeous girls that are a significant part of my SO... anyway the other night a friend and I went out for drinks, we are in our twenties and have both taken on older guys. We got chatting to a man at the bar who was great, a real laugh and I had a fab night. He asked us our names and then added me on facebook (not my friend even though we had both spoke to him the same amount - in a totally friendly way). I didn't accept the request because I imagined if my SO went out and chatted to a barmaid and then added her on facebook - I'd go insane... but I clicked through his profile and pictures... 27 years old, bar work isn't his only job he has career plans, his own home in a fairly nice area, good looking and most importantly no baggage... no kids, no ex wife. I feel so bad saying this but a part of me imagined a life with someone like him and then completely banished the thought. I chose to be with my SO because he is him and because I love his personality, I think he's gorgeous and he is what I want, I want him to father my babies. I despise myself for even imagining a life with him, the barman, the man I don't know... the man who could be a lunatic/horrible etc. I just wondered if anyone else has ever found themselves doing the same?
Yes. But as they say, the
Yes.
But as they say, the grass isn't always greener...
Hi I'm not married no. I feel
Hi I'm not married no. I feel like my SO is who I should marry he is perfect for me, his life just isn't :/ thank you for your advice
"Are you married? Cause if
"Are you married? Cause if you're not you're technically still on the market."
Since when? I considered myself off the market LONG before DH and I got married .. as do most other people I know.
Legally single, sure. We had
Legally single, sure. We had joint debt, joint assets, owned a home together, etc.
I wouldn't say it was as simple as just walking away.
"Single" by legal definition and "on the market" are two very different things.
Honey, you lost me at
Honey, you lost me at "gorgeous girls". How many girls? Why would you want to get embroiled in somebody else's drama? Those girls are very likely to become jealous and possessive little women as soon as you guys decide to marry. You will be kicking yourself for not giving that barman a chance... Or any other guy who will have no baggage and no kids other than the ones you will have together. Detach and go on your merry way. You will be fine. We all have more than one "soul mate" - you can find several if not more if you look.
Hi there are 2 little girls
Hi there are 2 little girls who are 3 and 5 years old x
Do you mean my intuition is
Do you mean my intuition is trying to tell me there are other options out there maybe? (My friend's words when I told her) What do you mean by foolish?
I think it's normal to think
I think it's normal to think about the options before you, especially when stress, doubt, or frustration is involved.
Keep in mind, you don't know this guy. I don't know that his FB page is necessarily a complete picture of him or his life .. it's likely extremely biased.
There's a saying .. the grass is greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit.
If you have doubts about your current BF, that's understandable. Address those independent of this bar guy.
Hi there, no your are "not
Hi there, no your are "not terrible", maybe giving the bartender your last name was not the best thing in the world to do(you could have accepted his invitation to FB, that might be disloyal-if you look at the situation in reverse). When you are embellished in the StepWorld A LOT of "what ifs" occur and the "should haves". Its a lot deal with, with kids who demand money, an ex who demands money(and could be very intrusive)...Its normal to think, "if only I was with a childless guy". I have thought of it and like you "feel guilty" however I have a child too, so I understand why single guys wouldnt be interested. A lot of people seem to regret the decision to be with a man/woman with kids(it is A LOT to deal with and things to consider) even I have regretted.
If you cant see a future with your partner, than its better to walk away now. A lot of people stay in shitty relationships because they lack the confidence to leave, they think maybe i wont find someone better, i'll now be a lone...the point is all of those worries are untrue and its not reality.
The best way to gage if this guy is right for you, is can you see a future with him? and if you can, do you want to be with him? and can you handle this family dynamic long term?
Best of Luck!
Look your not terrible, I
Look your not terrible, I won't push you to give the barman a chance but I will suggest that you hold off on marriage for the time being and then some. I'm with the man of my dreams, I still catch myself interested in others who have no kids from time to time. I hate that about myself but being a stepparent is not as easy as I once imagined. Adorable girls or not, all to often they turn on their stepparent usually with the help of their bio parent{s}.. Mine turned from bad to worse the day I married her daadddddyyyyyyy! :sick:
This is your chance to be selfish and figure out what kind of a future you want for yourself. Don't put anyone else's feelings above yours while your deciding on your future. Good luck
Hi thank you all for your
Hi thank you all for your replies. This has got to me so much, its been lingering in my mind and I've felt that I've done something terrible because I imagined the terrible if you get me... although I didn't act on it, I'd hate to think my SO had imagined a life with someone else.
I'm not too sure what to do at the moment. I really love him, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason... at the moment I can't say what this reason is but I'm sure I'll realise soon enough. A friend of mine said that the bartender almost symbolises what I could have and although yeah I don't know him he's almost a motif of what else is out there, the other options. By no means does this say I am going to give up on my current relationship and run off with a barman ha but it means I am going to give it some time and keep in mind my options whilst trying to make this relationship work.