Well hey everyone. First off I want to thank everyone for their support and advice while I was dealing with the loss of a good friend. In my last post I expressed my pain and how I dreaded dealing with SS for the weekend and how SO seemed completely unsupportive. After a long talk with SO, and some time to grieve I am doing much better. SO wasn't trying to be a selfish ass, he just didn't really understand and didn't know how to help. I got together with some good friends and had a drinking, crying, screaming laughing night.

Since then things have been alright, I still have my moments but I have dealt with the majority of it. I still miss him like crazy, but I know dwelling in my own misery doesn't help me and would piss him off anyways. SO has been amazing. He has been doing things around the house for me, helping me with dishes, and he is being incredibly sweet, even surprising me with my favorite treats randomly. I don't know whats going on but I love it. Its like we are back to where we were when we first started dating. We are both really looking forward to a nice summer with lots of outdoor activities.

After looking for a job for a couple months I finally have one! Its with a company that has a great reputation for promoting from within and the pay isn't too bad. It's not quite where I saw myself a year ago but frankly I don't give a damn. A job is a job and I think I may enjoy it. Schools not going so hot, but I am busting my ass to play catch up over spring break so I can pull my grades out of the toilet. I got off track when Das died and basically questioned everything in my life, and doing my course work was the last thing on my mind.

Its almost like I have a new lease on life.

Things with SS are okay I suppose. Haven't seen him in three weeks. He bailed on one weekend visit, rescheduled it for the following weekend then bailed again. He is supposed to be coming down this weekend, we shall see. I know SO is both upset and relived. The last visit didn't end well. SS has become incredibly vain, I have never seen anything like it. Constantly staring into the mirror, brushing his hair, obsessed with looks. Anytime we went out somewhere he would make comments about how that girl was staring at me (to include middle aged women). The straw that broke SO's back was when we went out to eat right before taking him home.

While sitting across from SS he made an awful face, like he just bite into something really bad. I asked him what was wrong, he told me that a girl was taking picture of him on her phone. I responded with well how do you know that. He told me he saw his face on the phone screen. I said well if someone is taking pictures of you we all need to get up and go confront them because that shit is creepy and dangerous. SS turned all sorts of shades of purple. SO said all right that;s enough, let me tall you something (to SS) boy you are not all that, your 13, this vanity shit has got to stop. SS was PISSED. Wouldn't talk to us for the rest of the meal and didn't say a word to us tell drop off.

Who knows. I don't really care. As long as I am not getting blammed for stuff I have no f*cks to give. This is between SO and SS. Hopefully we won't be a little poop if he comes this weekend. He is really trying to push boundaries on his visits (there have only been 2). I haven't said a damn word about it, but even SO is noticing how this last visit the kids was being disrespectful, talking back and just being a stinker. I guess its a teenage thing. I have never seen a teen boy so obsessed with his looks though. It's crazy, kid seriously seems to think that he is a super model and that he is coveted by any woman he encounters. What the hell?

Oh and I did do a very irresponsible thing. I just found out my Victoria Secret card still works, guess who went shopping? This chick. I haven't bought a bra or underwear in almost two years, I said fuck it I'll deal with the bill when it comes in, I want to feel sexy damn it! lol